no more dating games

[Jullianna]

Am I the only one who is totally fed up with dating games? Apparently people view dating from different perspectives. For some it is just a game. Have you ever run into these situations?

- It’s almost as if you should carry around a checklist to give to whomever should ask. As Gabe said, it’s almost like applying for a job sometimes. How romantic….ugh… Isn’t getting to know someone the whole idea behind dating? Isn’t it one of the most endearing processes?
- For some people certain rules have to be followed. A first date can only be this. A third date must include this. If I ever find the rule book, I’m setting it on fire. You have been warned. Who wrote that thing anyway???
- Some guys will ask you to marry them after two conversations. What’s up with that?
- Some guys will try to date you just to see if you will say yes. Once you say yes, game over. On to the next victim. They don’t really have the nerve to date you, they are simply trying to learn how it’s done.
- Some ladies/guys will date you just to intentionally hurt you in order to get back at someone who LOOKED like you or you remind them of that person somehow. That’s got to be the wierdest thing EVER! Once you understand that, it’s so ridiculous you laugh, which really tends to make them angry. I normally try to be at peace with others, but people who do stuff like that really need psych help.

Maybe these things are exactly WHY people develop checklists. I may start passing out this one J:

1. Are you a christian? A real one or do you just say that to get christians to date you?
2. Are you emotionally unstable?
3. Do you have dating issues/vendettas?
4. Have you ever actually dated a real person?

The games get old. If people will mess with you like that over dating issues, can you even begin to imagine what it would be like to attempt a relationship with them? Just the thought of it makes my brain fuzz up.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

I don't like to play game's where feelings can be hurt.

 

[VansRComfy11]

What we have to ask ourselves is... is Christian dating any different than any other type of dating? Yes, I'm well aware that Christians are supposed to be seeking out a "Godly" relationship, however in my experience talking to many, many Christians it seems that the approach to dating has been exactly the same as with secular people: much more interested in worldly things like economic status and good looks instead of the most important question of all: Where is that person you're romantically interested in on their journey with the Lord? I completely agree with you Jules regarding the whole "game playing" thing but if Christians approach relationships the same way non-Christians do, how are we to set the "Godly" example for the world? If we play the same games they do, then frankly we are no better than they are and we certainly are NOT ambassadors for Christ. I realize now why I've been single for so long: when I was dating my GF, I was a stale Catholic... when we broke up I became even less interested in the church... and last year I was a borderline atheist... God won't grant us a "Godly" relationship until we are right with Him first. And me being a fairly new born again Christian, I still got a long way to go. But if it is His will, it'll happen for me and for all of you too. GOD BLESS!

 

[Jullianna]

I don't like to play game's where feelings can be hurt.

Exactly. It's difficult enough to date without hurting people. To know that there are those out there who hurt people for sport is ridiculous.

 

[Jullianna]

What we have to ask ourselves is... is Christian dating any different than any other type of dating? Yes, I'm well aware that Christians are supposed to be seeking out a "Godly" relationship, however in my experience talking to many, many Christians it seems that the approach to dating has been exactly the same as with secular people: much more interested in worldly things like economic status and good looks instead of the most important question of all: Where is that person you're romantically interested in on their journey with the Lord? I completely agree with you Jules regarding the whole "game playing" thing but if Christians approach relationships the same way non-Christians do, how are we to set the "Godly" example for the world? If we play the same games they do, then frankly we are no better than they are and we certainly are NOT ambassadors for Christ. I realize now why I've been single for so long: when I was dating my GF, I was a stale Catholic... when we broke up I became even less interested in the church... and last year I was a borderline atheist... God won't grant us a "Godly" relationship until we are right with Him first. And me being a fairly new born again Christian, I still got a long way to go. But if it is His will, it'll happen for me and for all of you too. GOD BLESS!

It really touches my heart to see how far you've come over the past year, Rocco. God has amazing plans for a fireball like you!

 

[zeroturbulence]

I'd just like to say that not all cathoilcs are stale

 

[Liz01]

I dont date because i dont understand the “dating thing”maybe im tired too.
In the past i dated guys because i wanted a boyfriend and all the guys i dated were my boyfriends.
But now i dont want a boyfriend because i dont want to do something that God doesnt like; besides that, “to date” doesnt have a lot of sense because if you want to get to know someone you need time and not just a few dates (i dont want an express husband), i think its very important to feel relaxed with that person and in the dates there is a lot of stress, and i think that its not healthy to ask someone to be faithful and to date exclusively you because you “felt” that you can be the perfect match.
So i think its better to have friends, going out with someone but with the goal to be only friends, grow in Christ, encourage each other and if you know them good and want something more in a year or more then talk about that.

 

[Jullianna]

I dont date because i dont understand the “dating thing”maybe im tired too.
In the past i dated guys because i wanted a boyfriend and all the guys i dated were my boyfriends.
But now i dont want a boyfriend because i dont want to do something that God doesnt like; besides that, “to date” doesnt have a lot of sense because if you want to get to know someone you need time and not just a few dates (i dont want an express husband), i think its very important to feel relaxed with that person and in the dates there is a lot of stress, and i think that its not healthy to ask someone to be faithful and to date exclusively you because you “felt” that you can be the perfect match.
So i think its better to have friends, going out with someone but with the goal to be only friends, grow in Christ, encourage each other and if you know them good and want something more in a year or more then talk about that.

That's my definition of dating Maybe others define it differently.

 

[Liz01]

That's my definition of dating Maybe others define it differently.

hmmm, because the way i have seen how ppl write in the forums, i understand the meaning of "date" as going out with someone with the purpose of having a romantic relationship and not only friends.

 

[kayem77]

Haha Jullianna, this made me laugh.

If I ever find the rule book, I’m setting it on fire.

Hmmm, if I go on a date someday, I may include those questions for my checklist. Seems like it covers up everything,the rest I can discover by myself safely

1. Are you a christian? A real one or do you just say that to get christians to date you?
2. Are you emotionally unstable?
3. Do you have dating issues/vendettas?
4. Have you ever actually dated a real person?

 

[Jullianna]

hmmm, because the way i have seen how ppl write in the forums, i understand the meaning of "date" as going out with someone with the purpose of having a romantic relationship and not only friends.

That's why I didn't highlight the part about being friends only. I only date people I get to know as friends first and think they could possibly be more, and know they aren't just playing games. I do think people have different definitions of this. Maybe THAT's the real problem, huh?

 

[Ugly]

Well, the way i normally do things helps me to avoid a lot of this to begin with. I tend to get to know a person Before ever dating them. I make friends with them and find out if this is someone i really want to be emotionally invested in. See how well we get along, etc. Good example, when i was 18 i notice this girl at my youth. I don't know why i noticed her, but thats how it happens i guess. So first few weeks i spent just trying to get into groups she was in during conversations. Then started trying to pull her aside more for one on one talk.. it progressed from there into friendship.. we eventually got so close over the next few months that everyone assumed we were dating. Yet neither of us had spoken a word about our obvious attraction to each other. Now, in retrospect, my only mistake was in not discussing dating with her in any form or fashion, to find out how she felt about it. But i spent months getting to know her first. And even if i had decided she wasn't someone i wanted to date, i would've still made a good friend out of it, and spared myself the pain of making some fast emotional connection with someone i barely knew.

 

[Matthew]

Maybe these things are exactly WHY people develop checklists. I may start passing out this one

You are of course right, going out on fatih and getting burned in one of those ways you list is exactly how these checklists develop, it's a simple defence mechanism, but like all defence meachanisms it's ultimately self defeating as emotional self-protection ensures two things, safety, and lonliness.

I'm certainly tired of the games, dealing with people dating me as an act of vengeance or rebellion against someone not quite yet in their past, but I think the whole checklist mentality is just another mistake.

 

[Oncefallen]

I tend to agree with Jullianna about dating people that are already known to us, it tends to reduce the games. Two of my last three relationships were with people I had known for quite some time prior to being a couple. It tended to remove the "putting on the best behavior" game because we already knew each other including all of each others dirty laundry from years past. In other words we already knew what we were getting. Unfortunately neither worked out because of the other person getting cold feet.

My most recent relationship was foolish of me to get involved in partially because I didn't know the person beforehand, and partially because I was on the rebound from a prior relationship. I became emotionally wrapped up in it prior to really knowing who the other person was, and ended up needing to break it off once I got to know the person causing needlessly hurt feelings on both sides. I say needlessly because if I had gotten to know the person before diving in, the relationship would not have happened beyond friends.

 

[Liamson]

I don't like playing games. At least I should hope that my intentions are not misconstrued as a game.

 

[zeroturbulence]

How about board games?

 

[jimsun]

Maybe working with a variety of legal/law enforcement agencies is turning me into a cynic (!) in my old age & I'm aware that "dating games" in their different guises vary between countries.
But this is from the perspective of a UK member who has seen games work for some, has had very frightening consequences for others & even greater tragic events for other families.
We have here an 'Online Protection from Exploitation Squad' who's job is exactly what it says on the wrapper!
You have no idea the numbers of adults trawling dating games as well as Fecebook & the youth/singles threads of sites with the sole intention of luring/grooming young & vulnerable females into a situation they cannot get themselves out of.
In UK, the "rules" are simple: Use a dating game site first to identify someone you may like to meet. Use the next three msgs you send to decide. If you agree to meet do so in a very public place & think of it as a job interview (this person is applying for a job as your consort/companion for a time).
Please, please always have your self-preservation @ the forefront-
We recently had a case of a 17 yo female who got to know a guy of her own age, shared all her interests & seemed really great to get to know. After a series of mutual "games", e-mails, texts, etc. over some months, she agreed to meet her fellow teen. This guy turned out to be in his 50s, recently released from prison serving a custodial for a number of sexual offences & who's name was on the Sex Offenders Register.
The girl's body was found some days later.
Please take care
J.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Maybe working with a variety of legal/law enforcement agencies is turning me into a cynic (!) in my old age & I'm aware that "dating games" in their different guises vary between countries.
But this is from the perspective of a UK member who has seen games work for some, has had very frightening consequences for others & even greater tragic events for other families.
We have here an 'Online Protection from Exploitation Squad' who's job is exactly what it says on the wrapper!
You have no idea the numbers of adults trawling dating games as well as Fecebook & the youth/singles threads of sites with the sole intention of luring/grooming young & vulnerable females into a situation they cannot get themselves out of.
In UK, the "rules" are simple: Use a dating game site first to identify someone you may like to meet. Use the next three msgs you send to decide. If you agree to meet do so in a very public place & think of it as a job interview (this person is applying for a job as your consort/companion for a time).
Please, please always have your self-preservation @ the forefront-
We recently had a case of a 17 yo female who got to know a guy of her own age, shared all her interests & seemed really great to get to know. After a series of mutual "games", e-mails, texts, etc. over some months, she agreed to meet her fellow teen. This guy turned out to be in his 50s, recently released from prison serving a custodial for a number of sexual offences & who's name was on the Sex Offenders Register.
The girl's body was found some days later.
Please take care
J.

Wow! Very sad story indeed. I've never heard of those types of games. I wonder if they do that here in the US. Thanks for the info and heads up.

 

[GreenNnice]

I dont date because i dont understand the “dating thing”maybe im tired too.
In the past i dated guys because i wanted a boyfriend and all the guys i dated were my boyfriends.
But now i dont want a boyfriend because i dont want to do something that God doesnt like; besides that, “to date” doesnt have a lot of sense because if you want to get to know someone you need time and not just a few dates (i dont want an express husband), i think its very important to feel relaxed with that person and in the dates there is a lot of stress, and i think that its not healthy to ask someone to be faithful and to date exclusively you because you “felt” that you can be the perfect match.
So i think its better to have friends, going out with someone but with the goal to be only friends, grow in Christ, encourage each other and if you know them good and want something more in a year or more then talk about that.

---
Said perfect, lizzytheone, yes, ladies, don't be frustrated with your inability to understand guys , let Christ intercede, let a guy you like understand your friendship to him flows through God . This way you can really keep a wraps on your feelings for this attracted-to other until, maybe, God works His magic, so to speak. .
God. I don't think Christians understand often enough that following God with our whole hearts eliminates ALL the angst of what might happen on a date. Calling on God to understand guys, ladies, is a good thing to do. Saying 'oh my God' around a good Christian guy is a bad thing , he will leave you quickly, I will, anyway. And, a Christian guy faking it will see that opportunity to take advantage of your obvious inconsiderateness of taking God's name in vain.
We can't protect ourselves, and, God does not want us to. For real the Enemy is real ,and any time he wants, he can attack you and IF you are trying to do things with YOUR own leading, that is the exact opposite of what God wants you to do. Sure, God is there for us to thwart Satan's attacks but God can't help us , as readily, IF we are doing things, like taking His name in vain, that are pushing Him away.

Hey, God knows dating is not easy, the whole boy girl thang. He knows. And He wants you to know that He knows but if we are doing the 'self-protection' thing, as you said, mattman, then we are not going to ask for the blood of Christ protection which is unmatchable power that God has given girls (guys, too, but girls are ones more often at risk, just common knowledge ) , yes, that is all of you, ladies, to deepen, strengthen, embolden your faith in your loving Saviour whom you know will one day carry you home

 

[Jullianna]

Maybe working with a variety of legal/law enforcement agencies is turning me into a cynic (!) in my old age & I'm aware that "dating games" in their different guises vary between countries.
But this is from the perspective of a UK member who has seen games work for some, has had very frightening consequences for others & even greater tragic events for other families.
We have here an 'Online Protection from Exploitation Squad' who's job is exactly what it says on the wrapper!
You have no idea the numbers of adults trawling dating games as well as Fecebook & the youth/singles threads of sites with the sole intention of luring/grooming young & vulnerable females into a situation they cannot get themselves out of.
In UK, the "rules" are simple: Use a dating game site first to identify someone you may like to meet. Use the next three msgs you send to decide. If you agree to meet do so in a very public place & think of it as a job interview (this person is applying for a job as your consort/companion for a time).
Please, please always have your self-preservation @ the forefront-
We recently had a case of a 17 yo female who got to know a guy of her own age, shared all her interests & seemed really great to get to know. After a series of mutual "games", e-mails, texts, etc. over some months, she agreed to meet her fellow teen. This guy turned out to be in his 50s, recently released from prison serving a custodial for a number of sexual offences & who's name was on the Sex Offenders Register.
The girl's body was found some days later.
Please take care
J.

This is exactly why I started chatting. While my husband was terminally ill, a man began stalking my son in a teen chatroom. My son was in jr high at the time. I came home one day and found my son crying and scared to death. I didn't even know he'd been chatting online. I posed as my son and we caught the guy.

This helped me meet other law enforcement officers online and we all got to know one another very well.

Please, please, please monitor your children online! I'm so thankful for the great job the mods do here in keeping creepers away from the young people in CC.

And...btw...if you are a teen and reading this, please don't keep it to yourself if someone genuinely makes you feel uncomfortable AT ALL. It might be nothing, but if you're wrong, you could be protecting someone else.