Pre-Nuptial Agreements? (Do you disagree?) :)

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By the way, I realize it is tough for you if you've already suffered someone walking out on you. You may find it difficult to trust anyone again, thus find a prenup a "safe" way of living. This is exactly what Satan would like you to feel. He can control you through your feelings of untrustworthiness, as he likes nothing more than to put once Christian against another and see both fall and stumble.
 
Maybe it simply comes down to how attached we are to material things. I don't know that I'd want to marry someone for whom this was a priority. And if it was because he'd been burned in the past, it would appear to me that he had some issues to iron out before he was ready to remarry.

There are no guarantees in marriage. It's totally a matter of trust and dedication. A prenup can actually make getting out easier than not having one. I guess I just don't think divorce should be easy at all.
 
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It's a fail-safe mechanism under the realm of Christian liberty.

I'd like to go without them personally.
 
I'm with Jullianna.

It does not enter my mind to contemplate life after divorce if I am in the process of getting married.

However if I married someone rich and famous and she wanted to get one, I would love her regardless.
 
I wouldn't get one, I wouldn't want my wife to be to want to get one, but I wouldn't automatically think all situations for all Christian marriages should not get one.

I think you should fully trust your spouse. But I don't think you should fully trust them not to sin. They aren't perfect. We are human. We fail. So what is the difference between trusting them not to sin and trusting them not to cheat on you. Well obviously the actual sin is the difference. You would place more trust in them not cheating then in them getting angry/lusting/lying/gossiping.

Some Christians choose to fully trust the intentions of the spouse to live up to the promise of the vows. Most people fully trust the actual vows. It's great that they do, it is a solid way of entering marriage. However, like the statistics show, it isn't reality. Humans fail. You are placing your trust in humans that consistently sin and fail. Of course you view your marriage as more than a coin flip of succeeding. Reality is that it is a coin flip, maybe if your relationship with God is ultra solid than it is more like 10% in lasting forever then 50%.

Yes, maybe you aren't placing your trust in humans, you are placing your "trust in God" for the marriage, but that doesn't mean you humans will magically not fail because you say you "place your trust in God". It takes your effort to make it work.

And the pre-nups aren't necessarily material either. As we know from bitter break ups, and the reactions of selfishness, anger and jealousy, it may not be about material but rather protecting yourself from a dangerous situation aka. you are now divorced and your ex-spouse is doing everything they can to make your life worse legally. It isn't about losing material in these situations where I often hear horrible stories. It is about losing much more. I am not saying pre-nups will prevent all of that, but they can protect you a lot more from someone trying to take as much as they can. This can lead to the discussion of turning the other cheek or as being a Christian, letting people walk all over you. Are we really supposed to just let people abuse us? To a degree, actually yes. Taking certain material things shouldn't affect us so much. But there is a boundary (aka the boundaries book i never read). But in these situations, no, I don't think we are to accept after divorce form of abuse and pre-nups could be that protection we choose.

Anyway, I think there are people that may get pre-nups, and yeah it's hard not to cast a wondering eye in their direction, but usually there are exceptions to every rule. God will except some people into heaven that by biblical law shouldn't be there (some suicidals perhaps) because he looks at the heart.

Side note:
I also think that you should set boundaries with how your spouse or you would be interacting with the opposite sex. Telling your wife that you don't think it is a good idea talking to her ex bf doesn't mean you don't trust her. You can completely trust them but yet still tell them what you think is inappropriate or appropriate behavior. You would completely trust that she would never do anything, but it is out of respect and what should be standard christian marriage behavior that she should be interacting with men on a different level than when she was single.
 
As for me, I would need a potential Wife to sign a pre-nup.

If she has a change of heart and decides to divorce me, she would not leave with half my assets that I worked hard to acquire.
If she refuses to sign one, that's an indicator that she marrying for the things I possess and not for love, I would want a person like this out of my life ASAP.

Anything she helps me build, she is entitled to half of, if I had it before she came into my life, she is not entitled to it.

I have been through a divorce and let me tell you, its a toe to toe fist fight when you enter court.

These are my personal views based on real life experience.
 
Many states have clauses in divorce law that exclude property owned prior to marriage from community property for a set time frame.

That aside, I would never agree to a pre-nuptial contract. It just seems that a pre-nup is two people agreeing that since most marriages end in divorce, ours will eventually so lets cover our tails ahead of time.
 
seoulsearch said:
Hey everyone,

What are your thoughts on pre-nups? Biblical? Evil? Just wondering what you think. I'm not even seeing anyone, let alone considering getting remarried at this time (but would like to if I met the right person), but when my husband left 10 years ago, he left me with everything (which can be good and bad, seeing as you have to pay for it all.) As I get older (and God has helped me so much but there are still a few old scars) and more established (paying bills, looking at someday owning a house if all goes well), I do have fears of someone coming into my life and then leaving again, this time taking everything I've struggled to achieve in a very unwanted state of aloneness (I never thought my husband and I would split--it all came as a terrible shock, so I have a tendency to think I have to "brace myself for the worst.")

I know we are supposed to have faith but I try to tell myself I have to be realistic, too. I begged God not to let my first marriage end and did I knew to do to try to save it but it did not work out that way.

What are your thoughts and experiences? My church would probably disown me for even mentioning the idea of a pre-nup, but I wondered what other Christians have thought and done.

Blessings,
Kim
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I just heard a sermon about christian marriage and the pastor said that in a true christian marriage there's no room for the concept of divorce. I think he's right!
 
zeroturbulence said:
I just heard a sermon about christian marriage and the pastor said that in a true christian marriage there's no room for the concept of divorce. I think he's right!
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The only problem I see is that in order for a couple to have a "true Christian marriage", you would need two truly perfect people.

I was raised to believe pre-nups were completely wrong as well... However, I've seen many things throughout the years--including going to Christian schools for most of my schooling and seeing many Christian couples, such as pastors and teachers, divorce, and it was not pretty.

You don't know if your spouse is going to start having an eye for that younger person at work (that's what happened to me--when I was 25, my husband left for a 19-year-old), or a million other things that might happen. Long after he was gone, I found writings indicating that my ex had also been struggling with thoughts of wanting to lash out at me in physical violence. If that would have happened, I would have left him.

And I know you can't say, "Well what if..." about everything, but I do believe you also have to be prepared in life. Another problem in my marriage is that I was a saver and he was a spender, often racking up thousands of dollars in credit card bills behind my back. It's how he coped with stress, pain, etc. I'm just blessed that my credit history wasn't totally ruined when he divorced me, because I've seen that happen to other people. You really do have to be careful.

As I've written about before, I'm on two Christian dating sites and many of the older women who are widows talk about men who approach them, claiming to be smitten with them, saying they are the man God has for them... and in the same sentence, ask if their husband left them a house and inheritance.

People tell me I'm "young", but I can say that things are also very different for me at age 37 vs. when I was 25. My personal goal is to own everything I have and live debt-free--I would be very protective of that goal and lifestyle even if I got married again. I want to use anything I've saved for missions work, charities, supporting my old orphanage, etc.--not supporting an ex-husband and his new, younger catch. I think there is a very cautious balance between trusting someone... but also leaving yourself too vulnerable.

I don't see it as being materialistic--I personally see it as using your brain and being a good steward of God's blessings... Just my own opinion though.
 
seoulsearch said:
The only problem I see is that in order for a couple to have a "true Christian marriage", you would need two truly perfect people.
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A true christian marriage is two very imperfect people that are willing to work through any and all of their problems through grace, suffering and faith. As an example, my parents have been married almost 50 years and they still love each other very much but there were times when they were ready to call it quits, times when objects and furniture were strewn across the room, times when my dad left and did not come back until almost the next day...but now almost 50 years later they actually happier now than they ever were.

BUT I'm not saying that there aren't good reasons for a divorce. I understand if someone is being severely abused or something like that. In fact its probably a good idea to have a prenup, but I like the idea of praying regularly for one's marriage instead and asking God to keep the marriage strong so that you never get to the point of divorce. I'm just saying that with enough perseverance and love, a marriage can survive almost anything.
 
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My brain can truly see the logic in it, but my heart says that if you need a prenup, part of you doesn't trust that you are making the right choice on some level. But then, reason and love rarely line up in me. :)
 
I was thinking about this today and it's interesting... In Biblical times, there are plenty of incidences in which a spouse was interested in someone else... IT's just that when men of power and faith in that day (David, Solomon, etc.) were interested in another woman, they simply took them on as an additional wife or concubine.

The Bible I'm reading right now points out that although God does not condone this, He did realize that women in that time especially (I'm NOT saying it can't happen to a man, I'm just referring to Biblical times in particular) had no power over many of these laws and choices, so, realizing that men would make these choices, He made laws stating that if men did take on additional women, they had to provide for them and their children adequately and equally. A former wife's portion was never to be decreased simply because her husband took on an additional wife.

I wonder if it would make any impact today if there were laws in place stating that if you were to leave your spouse for someone else, you would be legally required (whether a man or woman) to provide for that person and any children you had with them, along with any former spouse(s).
 
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n. pl. al·i·mo·nies 1. Law An allowance for support made under court order to a divorced person by the former spouse, usually the chief provider during the marriage. Alimony may also be granted without a divorce, as between legally separated persons.
2. A means of livelihood; maintenance.

It was pretty common not so long ago. I guess enough of the politicians and attorneys who write the laws got tired of paying so much to their many ex-wives that they came up with the no fault/community property stuff, so we don't see it as often now.
 
Jullianna said:
al·i·mo·ny(
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n. pl. al·i·mo·nies 1. Law An allowance for support made under court order to a divorced person by the former spouse, usually the chief provider during the marriage. Alimony may also be granted without a divorce, as between legally separated persons.
2. A means of livelihood; maintenance.

It was pretty common not so long ago. I guess enough of the politicians and attorneys who write the laws got tired of paying so much to their many ex-wives that they came up with the no fault/community property stuff, so we don't see it as often now.
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Its alive and well in california. In fact there was a guy here who had a radio show that centered on it and how unfair it can be.
 
pre-nups are a plan b......getting married is a responsibility for both parties involved. Regardless of what happens the man and woman should never choose to end marriage. Only if they were both young and dumb, and had no business getting married anyways. In the end men are rugged and should not fight the woman for material things. not trying to sound a gentleman-ish but it is the truth. Also, we men, are supposed to be the leaders in the household, if you are not ready for that, don't jump in. Women help us out. dont mother us by lettting us have our ways LOL we will overtake you with our cereal at noon shenanigans :D


I disagree.
 
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