"i am not a strong christian",,,,,,,,"are you?",,,,i am most miserable at it,,,,,,,,,i am weak,,,,,,,,,i become angry and ask for forgiveness,,,,,most every day and most every day i find i must ask forgiveness several time a day.,,,,and some days i go to town and talk to people and at first I'm strong but after a while i forget or something ,,,,"i cannot put my finger on the exact moment in time",but i look back at it when i ask the lord to forgive me when i pray.,,,,and i ask him to help me be strong and shorten the times where i cannot remain "bridled",,,,,though in my mind i wish they would go away.,,,,,,,"can you bridle the mind and never go astray?,,,,,i have read all of the books i began in the beginning and went to the end,,,and i saw that i was not strong like Moses,and i was not like Paul,,, i knew that i was not a smart man,,,,,,,,i struggled to know it,,,,,,i understood it in this hand,and could control it in the other hand,,,,,,,but i could not hold it in both hands at once.,i tried to conquer it but i could not,,,in mine own self i am lost.only because of grace would i have a chance,,,"saved",,,,as if i could not do it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lord thank you for sending my lord to save me,,"i cannot save me",,,i am in a shipwreck in the middle of the ocean and have no float,and you have been crucified and saved me",,,,,,when my spirit could not make my fingers do it you have become my Savior i had no work to do but to be saved.thank you for saving me,thank you for taking it out of my hands because i would have ruined it i know and you have come to redeem me from it you have had pity on me.there you are lord on the cross,,,the father would have not sent you if i could have bridled it,,,,,,but i could not,and lord there you are on the cross,,,,i cringe to think you were tortured for me,and i would to catch all of your blood and to give it back to you.,i am ashamed of me,,,if it were not for me you would not have need to come and to have your joints dislocated,,they would have not looked upon your nakedness,,nor spit in your face. who are you my lord who is so beautiful,and who am i who is so nasty,,,,,,,,,,where is Zechariah?,,,to measure it?,,,,,,,let him swing the plummet before the face of you the temple of it.all i can offer is my thanks for this gift,and my gratitude,,,,,,i am humbled in it,,,i would that we could sit and cry.,many men have ask me "have you been saved yet?",,,,,,,,,,i did not know what to say at first,so i looked at it,,,,,,,,,and i tried to save myself,,,,,i followed all their instructions,,,,,,,,after a while i realized i was trying to "save myself because i denied you had saved me on the cross",,,,,,when i was far spent trying to save myself,i turned around to thank you for saving me on the cross,what a weight came off of me to rest from the works of saving me mine own self, and to rest in your salvation.when i drank that water i was not thirsty anymore,and i was full when i ate that food.and as though i had never slept i then did rest.there is only one fruit brought to heaven,,,,,it is great thanksgiving,and praise,it is an joy and if it is not in your heart you cannot give it.and if you struggle to give it it is not in your heart and the lord will refuse it,but it will be always there for you to give when you will give it.