Valentine's Day Humor For Singles!!!

[Descyple]

I thought it would be good to have a thread for singles to view Valentine's Day from a humorous perspective (to lessen the pain and embarrassment of being single). So I came up with some Valentine's Day jokes (please feel free to add your own, and being single you certainly have the free time for it - lol). For the record, I too am single, so please don't send me hate mail - unless it ends with a heart emoticon!!!

Here are some "You know you are single if on Valentine's Day...." jokes I came up with in my free "single" time. I look forward to see what you other singles can come up with.


You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... Cupid shoots you with a tranquilizer dart instead of his love arrow.

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... instead of receiving a bouquet of flowers, you are forced to pick your own and unknowingly pluck poison ivy.

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... the only kiss you get is from the family dog (and that's only because it wants a doggy treat).

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... your biggest thrill is signing on to CC!!!

 

[ashlaa]

i think people kissing their pets is so rank. you never know if your pet has gone around spreading pet cooties to other pets.

 

[Descyple]

i think people kissing their pets is so rank. you never know if your pet has gone around spreading pet cooties to other pets.

Good advice Ashlaa. The rise in family-pet promiscuity has caused pet cooties to be at an all-time high (wow, try saying that five times fast).

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... when a 40-something-year-old women in the check-out line assumes you're buying those bouquet of flowers for your girlfriend, when it's really for your mom.:/

 

[Be_Evergreen]

You know you're single on Valentine's day... if on this day, you take every chance you can get to discuss with your friends the misconception of the shape of a real human heart.

My brother and I have done THAT one for years, Theygaveutheirworst^^. "Those for someone special?" "... technically..."

 

[machita]

That's good one

 

[Jullianna]

Ashlaa, my dog kisses me all the time, but I only kiss him on top of the head because I know where his tongue has been...ack

You know you're single on Valentine's Day if you can buy yourself something you actually like for Valentine's Day and not have to pretend to love it.

 

[Liz01]

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day....you dont have a box of chocolates to eat

 

[Pheonix]

You know you are single on valentine's day when it passes and you didn't even notice until someone asks what you did three days later!!!!!!!!!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

...if you can't wait for the day after so you can get 50-75% off all the yummy boxes of chocolate!!!

 

[Snackersmom]

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... instead of receiving a bouquet of flowers, you are forced to pick your own and unknowingly pluck poison ivy.

Do not laugh. I have done that. Twice. (Not for V-day, though). You'd think I would have learned to be more careful........

 

[Jullianna]

Snackersmom: Just to make you feel better, I got a cactus needle stuck in my finger once and, not wanting to wait til I got back to the house to get the tweezers, I pulled it out with my teeth...and it got stuck in my tongue.

You and I should probably never go camping together

 

[Snackersmom]

^^^^LOL, yeah, we'd be quite the un-dynamic duo, wouldn't we? The bad thing is, I studied plants in college, so I really should be able to pick out Toxicodendron radicans with no problem, but both times I accidentally picked it, it was wintertime, and harder to identify. I'm REALLY allergic, too.......Prednisone, Prednisone, wherefore art thou, Prednisone?

 

[CatWoman]

Im with you Gabe, I love the sweet deals after valintines day.

 

[Blue3Falcon]

I've always wanted to get a teddy bear for valentines day so this year i'm seriously debating buying myself one

 

[Jullianna]

I have a cute teddy bear I got for Valentine's Day about 10-11 years ago. I keep it on my bookcase where I can see it all the time. It's my favorite Valentine gift ever.

 

[Descyple]

Awesome contributions everyone! At least we will have our sense of humors to keep us company on Valentine's Day - lol.

Here are a couple more inspired by my single life:


You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... you accidentally receive a Valentine's Day card in the mail meant for your neighbour, but you keep it for yourself and display it proudly on the mantelpiece!

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day.... you tell all your friends you have a hot date planned, but what you don't tell them is that you're talking about a date square you will be heating up in the microwave and eating by yourself.

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day... you plan a Valentine's Day Singles event, and you're the only person that shows up (awwww, that is so sad!).

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day... you purposely don't sign on to CC just to make people think you actually have a date (by the way, I won't be on CC on Valentine's Day, I'm just sayin!!!).

 

[zeroturbulence]

Im with you Gabe, I love the sweet deals after valintines day.

Yeah, who needs romance when you've got CHOCOLATE!!

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

"You know you are single if on Valentine's Day... you purposely don't sign on to CC just to make people think you actually have a date (by the way, I won't be on CC on Valentine's Day, I'm just sayin!!!). "

We have a winner.lol Good thinking....

 

[G4JC]

You know you are single if on Valentine's Day... you play games that entire day and buy an 8-bit Flower Bouquet in hopes of finding "the one" (which doesn't exists) that would actually like it! xD

https://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/valentines/e731/