In my opinion..you're just lucky she didn't try to tempt you in any way. Don't underestimate the power of an attractive woman's seduction, even a mildly attractvie one. Its one of the most powerful forces in the universe..if not THE most powerful. (for men, anyway)
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In my opinion..you're just lucky she didn't try to tempt you in any way. Don't underestimate the power of an attractive woman's seduction, even a mildly attractvie one. Its one of the most powerful forces in the universe..if not THE most powerful. (for men, anyway)
Planning to repeatedly engage in a situation that could easily lead to temptation is foolish.
There is a big difference between "occasionally" or "i have" statements, and pre-planning repeated encounters.
As for where I draw the line, if I had a choice to go back and choose... Being single, I would draw the line where my parents suggest. If married, my wife would draw the line. If single without christian parents, a close friend who actually knew the situation. Void of all other options, the line could not be drawn. For me, that's a very scary idea since I crossed several of those lines without even realizing I was close to them.
This isn't a case of it being un-loving if you don't spend nights there. You would be willingly, repeatedly, introducing a very real opening for sin with little gain other than personal convenience. If staying there would some how benefits someone's salvation, by all means it is worth risking the temptation. But to make things easier on you? My cost-benefit analysis comes up quite lacking.
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASREBVDsLk[/video]
Grrr, I've rewritten this 3x now, still not really what I want to say, but I can't get it into words. I have no problem with avoiding dating and see many benefits to it, and I think it's unwise as a single man to make any extended plan to spend time alone with a woman, especially in private.
EDIT: and like 20 million people have posted since I started writing. Hmmm. And I largely agree with Green and zero. Sorry Katie, I think you've got it wrong on this one.
There is a big difference between "occasionally" or "i have" statements, and pre-planning repeated encounters.
As for where I draw the line, if I had a choice to go back and choose... Being single, I would draw the line where my parents suggest. If married, my wife would draw the line. If single without christian parents, a close friend who actually knew the situation. Void of all other options, the line could not be drawn. For me, that's a very scary idea since I crossed several of those lines without even realizing I was close to them.
This isn't a case of it being un-loving if you don't spend nights there. You would be willingly, repeatedly, introducing a very real opening for sin with little gain other than personal convenience. If staying there would some how benefits someone's salvation, by all means it is worth risking the temptation. But to make things easier on you? My cost-benefit analysis comes up quite lacking.
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASREBVDsLk[/video]
Grrr, I've rewritten this 3x now, still not really what I want to say, but I can't get it into words. I have no problem with avoiding dating and see many benefits to it, and I think it's unwise as a single man to make any extended plan to spend time alone with a woman, especially in private.
EDIT: and like 20 million people have posted since I started writing. Hmmm. And I largely agree with Green and zero. Sorry Katie, I think you've got it wrong on this one.
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iraasuup
Guest
After reading this thread, I'm wondering if maybe I'm the only girl in the world who isn't instantly attracted to every male on the planet?
It seems odd to me, that many of you feel like you cant be friends with someone with no feelings of temptation?
Have none of u ever gone on mixed gender camping trips, or the like? Did you all end up sleeping with one another? Seriously? Have you never stopped by a 'friends' (of the opposit gender) house and had coffee when it was offered? Alone?
I really do undertstand the arguments you're all making.. I do.. but my question is where do u draw the line? NEVER EVER in ANY SITUATION ever be alone with a girl/guy for 2 minutes for fear of being tempted. If so, tell me now, cos I'll quit my job (there's guys there), and I'll stop going to church (there's guys there too -amazing I know?) and yes, I talk to them, drink coffee in the same room as them *gasp* I'm going straight to hell!
It seems odd to me, that many of you feel like you cant be friends with someone with no feelings of temptation?
Have none of u ever gone on mixed gender camping trips, or the like? Did you all end up sleeping with one another? Seriously? Have you never stopped by a 'friends' (of the opposit gender) house and had coffee when it was offered? Alone?
I really do undertstand the arguments you're all making.. I do.. but my question is where do u draw the line? NEVER EVER in ANY SITUATION ever be alone with a girl/guy for 2 minutes for fear of being tempted. If so, tell me now, cos I'll quit my job (there's guys there), and I'll stop going to church (there's guys there too -amazing I know?) and yes, I talk to them, drink coffee in the same room as them *gasp* I'm going straight to hell!
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iraasuup
Guest
I agree. If you plan to do something repeatedly, YOU MAY find yourself tempted with time, especially as the continual presence alonw may allow for you to 'get to know one another' on a deeper level than you normally would in you regular day to day aquaintance with one another.. so good advice. I wouldnt plan on making her spare room your regular place to stay.
My arguments all along have been generally in reference to one-off scenarios, because people in here have basically been implying that you can AT NO STAGE EVER EVER be alone with the opposite sex without sinning, and frankly, that's garbage. That's my point. I think I'm done now.
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GreenNnice
Guest
Girlfriend or girl friend, it just doesn't matter, fact is, she is a girl and you are a boy. Never put yourself in that kind of potentially compromising situation, katydid. Why chance their emotions SUDDENLY changing, at 11:30pm at night as they knock politely on your door and say, 'I've always thought of you as more than the way you feel about me.'
milady, WHY tempt temptation?
Why risk a temptation that potentially could one night set back your spiritual, blessed growth God has planned for you 2-3 years into the future as you finally in that time get over the 'one night?'
So, while you have NO intentions they do, or, maybe, The Enemy breeds a lie in your mind suddenly after they telll you more about themselves that he/she is marriage material.
Anyway, that all said, let the Lord lead. Ultimately, He will show you your very good and hope-filled plans for seeking Him, following Him, wholeheartedly.
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iraasuup
Guest
Alright, then I'll jump ship.
Haha thank you! It was getting a tad lonely on this here solo ship lol
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neeshia86
Guest
I think it is different for different ppl as God deals with them. There are some extremes but I thnk those may stem from personal convictions. There are some ppl who have had a rough past and know that certain things for them would be too much of a temptation and push them over the edge. I knew someone like this. He had alot of sexual issues and past conflicts that made it turn bad if he was to say eventually hold hands/kiss a girl. He couldnt control himself or didnt want to. Who really knows? It's best though not to put yourself in a dangerous place.
I do think their are some things ppl shouldnt do before marriage because it leaves deep emotional scars. I would say honestly, you wouldnt want to do anything that would prevent you from later being friends with a person you date. It's best to save as much as you can for the one you will later marry. Sometimes ppl make mistakes and God will forgive! So thankful He does.
The dating part...really dating as we know isn't even in the bible. They didnt date in Bible times...it was more known as courting or arranged marriage which statisticaly has better results (although hard for me to grasp). I know some christians would prefer courting to dating because they feel it its safer and within bible guidelines. I dont see dating as wrong as long as it is done the right way and I stay out of bad situations. But I wouldnt want to date just to date someone because I want to be with someone. I would want to date to marry. If im going to date someone I want it to be someone I'd actually consider marrying I thnk the reason some christians are against it is because dating is abused. You have ppl going on date after date with so many differnt ppl....and say in today's society that would include sex afterwards...that there seems to be no commitment anymore. Ppl dont feel they have to be loyal to any one person because they're "just dating"....maybe you could see the problem? its not so much christians but what society is making dating to be.
I agree with some of the others about spending the night . True you may not be doing anything...but it could be a temptation and also lead others to believe falsely, leaving your reputation in question. Not that it really matters what ppl think..but you want ur reputation forJesus to be pure. Some things may seem silly or harsh...but when it all comes down to it...I just want to make sure Im doing all I can to lead others to God...and make sure I get to heaven myself!
I do think their are some things ppl shouldnt do before marriage because it leaves deep emotional scars. I would say honestly, you wouldnt want to do anything that would prevent you from later being friends with a person you date. It's best to save as much as you can for the one you will later marry. Sometimes ppl make mistakes and God will forgive! So thankful He does.
The dating part...really dating as we know isn't even in the bible. They didnt date in Bible times...it was more known as courting or arranged marriage which statisticaly has better results (although hard for me to grasp). I know some christians would prefer courting to dating because they feel it its safer and within bible guidelines. I dont see dating as wrong as long as it is done the right way and I stay out of bad situations. But I wouldnt want to date just to date someone because I want to be with someone. I would want to date to marry. If im going to date someone I want it to be someone I'd actually consider marrying
I thnk the reason some christians are against it is because dating is abused. You have ppl going on date after date with so many differnt ppl....and say in today's society that would include sex afterwards...that there seems to be no commitment anymore. Ppl dont feel they have to be loyal to any one person because they're "just dating"....maybe you could see the problem? its not so much christians but what society is making dating to be. I agree with some of the others about spending the night . True you may not be doing anything...but it could be a temptation and also lead others to believe falsely, leaving your reputation in question. Not that it really matters what ppl think..but you want ur reputation forJesus to be pure. Some things may seem silly or harsh...but when it all comes down to it...I just want to make sure Im doing all I can to lead others to God...and make sure I get to heaven myself!
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iraasuup
Guest
Girlfriend or girl friend, it just doesn't matter, fact is, she is a girl and you are a boy. Never put yourself in that kind of potentially compromising situation, katydid. Why chance their emotions SUDDENLY changing, at 11:30pm at night as they knock politely on your door and say, 'I've always thought of you as more than the way you feel about me.'
milady, WHY tempt temptation?
Why risk a temptation that potentially could one night set back your spiritual, blessed growth God has planned for you 2-3 years into the future as you finally in that time get over the 'one night?'
So, while you have NO intentions they do, or, maybe, The Enemy breeds a lie in your mind suddenly after they telll you more about themselves that he/she is marriage material.
Anyway, that all said, let the Lord lead. Ultimately, He will show you your very good and hope-filled plans for seeking Him, following Him, wholeheartedly.
I hear what you're saying Green
Wisdom must certainly prevail in such situations, I just don't think it's always so 'cut and dry' is all I'm saying!Before I lost my virginity, every woman who so much as looked my way and was fairly attractive (and even some who weren't) got my hormones jumping if even just for a few seconds. I don't know if its the same for every man who's a virgin, but for me it was an instant reaction that I really had no control over. Sometimes I would try to stop being so turned on and try thinking about sports or something but it never really worked.
I have a feeling its very different for women. Young women don't have high levels of testosterone running through them, raising their sex drive through the roof. Its even worse if a young man is physically active with sports or works at a job where he uses his muscles.
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Oh and I wasn't staring at women and thinking unpure thoughts. Just having a woman smile at me or if her eyes met mine for an instant was enough to make me start feeling flustered without any forethought at all.
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iraasuup
Guest
*sigh*
Okay, it's become apparent to me, that my posts are being seen as unclear, or my points (at least the ones im TRYING to make) are being misconstrued.
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way encouraging cohabiting, sex before marriage, or any other kind of immoral temptation.
I'm just not wording my posts very well today, and since I can't be bothered editing them .. lets just forget I even spoke (must be time for more coffee).
Okay, it's become apparent to me, that my posts are being seen as unclear, or my points (at least the ones im TRYING to make) are being misconstrued.
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way encouraging cohabiting, sex before marriage, or any other kind of immoral temptation.
I'm just not wording my posts very well today, and since I can't be bothered editing them .. lets just forget I even spoke (must be time for more coffee).
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iraasuup
Guest
I was just responding to your first sentence.
Oh yes! I know Gabe, it's fine. I wasnt referring to you specifically, and you make some valid points I must say.
Haha thank you! It was getting a tad lonely on this here solo ship lol
I hear what you're saying Green
These ones make perfect sense! Just not seeing you saying this in your previous novel sized posts.
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thefightinglamb
Guest
Interestingly, sometimes I pick up people on the side of the road that need a ride. I have had this thing for only picking up males because I think it might be a little sketchy if I asked if a female that was walking needed a ride...but then I get to thinking, what if something bad happened to the woman after I let them continue walking down the road? Should I not have stopped and asked if they needed a ride?
Nothing impure happened. Bottom line. Now I am hoping I had placed this as a hypothetical such as "Let's say there was a man or woman that had a friend..." because I am perceiving that this could lead some into sin possibly...and also that a lot of people think this was complete debauchery??? I slept well, and woke up refreshed.
Would you accept a spareroom that your sister had if you were going to visit her? And if you veiw women in light of scripture as such, can their really be sin in staying over in a guest room???
I like iraasup's comment about if I got in an accident--after working midnight shifts, it is hard to think anything but 'sleep'...and I think if I got in an accident many people would change their views.
God bless
tony
Nothing impure happened. Bottom line. Now I am hoping I had placed this as a hypothetical such as "Let's say there was a man or woman that had a friend..." because I am perceiving that this could lead some into sin possibly...and also that a lot of people think this was complete debauchery??? I slept well, and woke up refreshed.
Would you accept a spareroom that your sister had if you were going to visit her? And if you veiw women in light of scripture as such, can their really be sin in staying over in a guest room???
I like iraasup's comment about if I got in an accident--after working midnight shifts, it is hard to think anything but 'sleep'...and I think if I got in an accident many people would change their views.
God bless
tony
Interestingly, sometimes I pick up people on the side of the road that need a ride. I have had this thing for only picking up males because I think it might be a little sketchy if I asked if a female that was walking needed a ride...but then I get to thinking, what if something bad happened to the woman after I let them continue walking down the road? Should I not have stopped and asked if they needed a ride?
Nothing impure happened. Bottom line. Now I am hoping I had placed this as a hypothetical such as "Let's say there was a man or woman that had a friend..." because I am perceiving that this could lead some into sin possibly...and also that a lot of people think this was complete debauchery??? I slept well, and woke up refreshed.
Would you accept a spareroom that your sister had if you were going to visit her? And if you veiw women in light of scripture as such, can their really be sin in staying over in a guest room???
I like iraasup's comment about if I got in an accident--after working midnight shifts, it is hard to think anything but 'sleep'...and I think if I got in an accident many people would change their views.
God bless
tony
So God can protect you from Satan, but not from other humans?
As for you getting in a car accident... it comes back to the question: would you rather sin or die? I'm not suicidal, but personally I place very little value on my life. If it is God's will that I should die, then I will die, whether I have slept at my own house or not. That said, it is NEVER God's will that we sin, or be tempted. But here on earth, temptation and sin DO happen.
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thefightinglamb
Guest
Jesus was led into the desert to be tempted of satan...I do not think the sin is in being tempted, because temptations will come, but in the falling. If you perservere under trial, then you grow and become stronger. If you never get in the water, you cannot learn to swim. Sure, if you learn to swim and become familiar with water, you could drown being too familiar with it, but it is less likely.
If we avoid temptations as if they are the curse, then we will often be led to avoid situations that could strengthen us...
God bless
tony
If we avoid temptations as if they are the curse, then we will often be led to avoid situations that could strengthen us...
God bless
tony
What we are to ask of God:
Matthew 6:13
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one
If we should ask God to not lead us into temptation, isn't it foolish to charge into it of our own accord?
Facing temptation to accomplish God's will, facing temptation to spread God's word, facing temptation to SAVE someone is far different from charging into a temptation fraught endeavor for selfish reasons.
Its the difference between a soldier who kills when he must and a soldier who kills when he can. Gods armor can withstand much, but charging into a battle that doesn't help your commander win the war is not wise. To me this is a much more accurate metaphor than learning to swim. Charging into a battle to save another, or getting ambushed and having to fight a battle here or there that don't necessarily help win the war is one thing, but planning to fight several battles that don't help work towards the goal is foolish and unnecessarily taxing.
Matthew 6:13
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one
If we should ask God to not lead us into temptation, isn't it foolish to charge into it of our own accord?
Facing temptation to accomplish God's will, facing temptation to spread God's word, facing temptation to SAVE someone is far different from charging into a temptation fraught endeavor for selfish reasons.
Its the difference between a soldier who kills when he must and a soldier who kills when he can. Gods armor can withstand much, but charging into a battle that doesn't help your commander win the war is not wise. To me this is a much more accurate metaphor than learning to swim. Charging into a battle to save another, or getting ambushed and having to fight a battle here or there that don't necessarily help win the war is one thing, but planning to fight several battles that don't help work towards the goal is foolish and unnecessarily taxing.
No, Jullianna is the other.
Since I have actually eaten at the same table with a guy or two alone in the same house, I'm probably evil to the bone. Sat on the same sofa and watched a movie even!!! GASP!!!!
Scandalous!!!!!! **begins to see Jullianna in a new light**
OK, enough picking on Jullianna....for now.
I really dislike giving advice on this sort of topic without knowing the person very well. I think that most mature adults are capable of staying under the same roof with people of the opposite gender (obviously not in the same bed) without sinning. I would definitely not make it a habit or long term arrangement though. Some people, however are incapable of it because the temptation would be too great for them to resist. I think any person should honestly search themselves prior to doing this though to determine for themselves whether temptation will be an issue.
As for the dating issue, I'm a proponent of group dating for younger people versus one on one. It wasn't too long ago (my parent's generation) that it was typical for people in their teens and early twenties to date among a group. There was safety in this arrangement because they were considerably less likely to take things too far physically in a group and also among friends there were others who could catch warning signs of problems. It is pretty easy for someone to pull the wool over the eyes of one person, whereas it's a lot harder to pull the wool over the eyes of as group.