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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
Ladies, what would you do if you had a male friend you had joked around with for a couple of years and a woman came along who apparently wants to be more than friends with him, and, at every opportunity, made very catty/sometimes hurtful remarks (not very well disguised as jokes), and has admitted to being jealous of others even talking with him even though they are not in a relationship?

Would you just stop talking with the guy and allow the friendship to die?
Would you ask her if you had offended her in some way that you were unaware of?

Guys, any suggestions?
 
V

violakat

Guest
#2
#2
Jullianna said:
Ladies, what would you do if you had a male friend you had joked around with for a couple of years and a woman came along who apparently wants to be more than friends with him, and, at every opportunity, made very catty/sometimes hurtful remarks (not very well disguised as jokes), and has admitted to being jealous of others even talking with him even though they are not in a relationship?

Would you just stop talking with the guy and allow the friendship to die?
Would you ask her if you had offended her in some way that you were unaware of?

Guys, any suggestions?
Click to expand...
It depends on a lot of things. First, does the man even like the other woman? If so, then I might distance myself somewhat. If not, no. Simply because he does not care for her, and there's no reason to destroy a friendship for something that is going no where.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#3
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#3
There was once a social mechanism for situations like this. Didn't work out to well for Alexander Hamilton, though.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
LOL Ritter :)

Viola, I haven't gotten the impression that he is interested in being anything other than friends with her, but I'm kinda thinking avoidance is the best option for now too. I have a feeling that, at some point, this cattiness will become more and more obvious to and toward others. Seems pretty controlling and manipulative, but that's just me. It's junior high all over again... *sigh* Best avoided I'm thinking..
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#5
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,285
113
#5
I just realized that women and politicians have a lot in common. They both (generalization) are prone to eliminate the "competition" by bashing, belittling, and demeaning them.

Honestly Jullianna, if your friend has half a brain, he wouldn't touch this woman with a ten foot pole. Her behavior is indicative of an insecure, immature woman.

As difficult as it may be, I would just ignore her childish behavior and continue your friendship with him. If he's a man worthy of your friendship, he'll see her behavior for what it is. But of course I'm not there to see how bad it is.

 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#6
#6
I may inform said male friend of said woman's insecurities. Cuz if said male friend ends up liking and then marrying said insecure woman, said male friend might as well find a way to install a bed on the corner of his said roof once they get married.

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
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Friends don't let friends sleep on the corner of a roof.
 
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S

simplyme_bekah

Guest
#7
#7
All is fair in love and war sista. If something is worth having one must fight for it. Do not cower to any woman for she is no better or worse then you are. I wouldnt apologize to her if you haven't done anything wrong. Women can be vicious creatures when it comes to a man.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#8
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#8
Hmm....

I'm in a very similar predicament.

This woman wants to hang out a lot. We go to movies to dinner to whatever but, she doesn't want any of it to be called dating and She asks me about any woman I ever talk to.

I asked her out but she said. "That ship has sailed." Meaning Its too late or something. I'm not sure.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#9
#9
Jullianna said:
Ladies, what would you do if you had a male friend you had joked around with for a couple of years and a woman came along who apparently wants to be more than friends with him, and, at every opportunity, made very catty/sometimes hurtful remarks (not very well disguised as jokes), and has admitted to being jealous of others even talking with him even though they are not in a relationship?

Would you just stop talking with the guy and allow the friendship to die?
Would you ask her if you had offended her in some way that you were unaware of?

Guys, any suggestions?
Click to expand...

What a frustrating situation. I'd probably avoid this woman like the plague, especially if she were around him.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#10
#10
Liamson said:
Hmm....

I'm in a very similar predicament.

This woman wants to hang out a lot. We go to movies to dinner to whatever but, she doesn't want any of it to be called dating and She asks me about any woman I ever talk to.

I asked her out but she said. "That ship has sailed." Meaning Its too late or something. I'm not sure.
Click to expand...

ohhhh that no sound good liamson! It sounds like that, if i can't have him no one will kinda thing.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
Liamson: Holly is right. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Oncefallen and Stilly: He's a smart guy and definitely not the type to be pushed around by any woman or forced into a situation he doesn't want to be in. He'll catch on sooner or later because if she's doing it to me, she's likely doing it to other ladies too. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for now because I don't want to sound like I'm speaking out of turn.

Holly: I agree. I'm gonna give them both some space because:

A. My momma would slap me from her grave for responding in kind to any sort of catfight tactic; and

B. I don't wanna hafta clean it up if she gets the urge to mark her territory and pee on him. :D
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#12
#12
Liamson said:
Hmm....

I'm in a very similar predicament.

This woman wants to hang out a lot. We go to movies to dinner to whatever but, she doesn't want any of it to be called dating and She asks me about any woman I ever talk to.

I asked her out but she said. "That ship has sailed." Meaning Its too late or something. I'm not sure.
Click to expand...
I'm gonna offer an alternative option.

She isn't interested in dating you/being romantically involved. Rather she's a possessive controlling person who doesn't want to share friends with anyone else. Plus she may view another woman as a threat to your friendship. She may also enjoy your attention. Some gals like the ego boost. Presence of another woman takes away her ego boost.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#13
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#13
Hmm...this thread has got me thinking. Especially the original post.

Let's say for a second (just for a little bit...because I don't exactly possess these traits) I can be a jealous person or obsessive towards a guy I like a LOT. And/or that I can be catty or I make hurtful remarks towards people....What's it stem from? Greed? Immaturity? Past relationships? Did it stem from my heart being broken in the past (I guess that could go under past relationships...I dunno though)? All of the above?? Could it stem from any one of those things?

Curiosity has gotten the best of me, once again. >.<
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#14
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,285
113
#14
Jullianna said:
B. I don't wanna hafta clean it up if she gets the urge to mark her territory and pee on him. :D
Click to expand...
Interesting analogy. Tell us how you really feel about her. :D
 
eugenius

eugenius

Senior Member
#15
Jul 17, 2009
491
9
18
#15
bark bark bark. growl.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#16
#16
lil_christian said:
Hmm...this thread has got me thinking. Especially the original post.

Let's say for a second (just for a little bit...because I don't exactly possess these traits) I can be a jealous person or obsessive towards a guy I like a LOT. And/or that I can be catty or I make hurtful remarks towards people....What's it stem from? Greed? Immaturity? Past relationships? Did it stem from my heart being broken in the past (I guess that could go under past relationships...I dunno though)? All of the above?? Could it stem from any one of those things?

Curiosity has gotten the best of me, once again. >.<
Click to expand...


Lil christian, there are normally two types of women who will behave like this:

1. The mean girls type from jr/high school who is accustomed to having everyone’s complete attention and getting whatever (and whomever) they want (kinda like the woman Stilly is describing in his response to Liamson); and
2. Someone with serious insecurity issues.

I can’t imagine that a relationship with either type would be very pleasant for a guy long term. After awhile, I can see how that living in a corner of an attic/roof thing might become more appealing. :D
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#17
#17
Thats a very difficult situation, i think its better that you avoid her as much as you can but trying to be the most nice and kind person with her specially when your friend is there.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#18
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
27
#18
Jullianna said:
Lil christian, there are normally two types of women who will behave like this:

1. The mean girls type from jr/high school who is accustomed to having everyone’s complete attention and getting whatever (and whomever) they want (kinda like the woman Stilly is describing in his response to Liamson); and
2. Someone with serious insecurity issues.

I can’t imagine that a relationship with either type would be very pleasant for a guy long term. After awhile, I can see how that living in a corner of an attic/roof thing might become more appealing. :D
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Yeah no kiddin' o_O lol as someone with a few insecurities I pray that I do not become like that!!! >.<
 
C

CatWoman

Guest
#19
#19
Julianna I think you should tell your friend about this womens behaver. I would think if you hanged out with a friend for a few years you could tell them any thing. Still waters is right, he should know. I remember years ago I went out with a guy from church. After church people would stay after and socialize. One day one of my guy friends pulled me aside and told me that when I talk to men my boyfriend stands behind me where I cant see him and makes angry faces at the guys I talk to. if it wasnt for my friend telling me this I would have never known. After my friend had told me this I asked other guys if he did this and they said yes. I couldnt beleive he was doing this for so long and only one person told me. Iam very thankfull for my friend.
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#20
#20
I wouldn't avoid him, though I can see why it would be tempting to stay away from her. You're right this woman is probably often like this, but if all the women in this guys life start staying away because of her maybe he won't actually notice how bad she is. When the two are together without other females she could be 'normal'?

I would want to know if one of my friends were bothered by another. One thing that I have learned is that often times even smart/observant people miss things, so it doesn't hurt to bring it to someone's attention. (Even if that means staying away, but telling him why)
 
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