Woman taking a man's surname upon marriage

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Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#1
May 5, 2009
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#1
I'd like to hear people's opinions on whether a woman should adopt her husband's surname when she marries him, and in what circumstances (if any) you, if you are a woman, would elect to keep your own name? Also, if you are a woman who has kept her own surname, why did you do it?

I'm wondering whether people think the bible's call for wives to submit to their husbands can be applied to taking on his family name.

Personally, I believe families should all have one surname. Something I can't get past is that when women elect to keep their own name in the interests of keeping their own identity, in some ways I think really they are choosing their father over their husband, and are not fully entering into the new family which the marriage created.

I also can't stand hyphonated surnames. I think this is extremely unnecessary and a great way to get your child beaten up in school. If a wife-to-be is considering keeping her own surname (in a Christian relationship), should her future husband put his foot down as the head of their future family and insist that she change it? If she doesn't, should he insist that their children have his name only?

What are your thoughts?
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
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I do believe a woman should take her new husbands name upon marriage.

I was always against hyphenated names. BUT, as a single mother now, if I were to ever remarry..and I still had young children or children in school...I would seriously consider hyphenating my name. Having a different last name from the children would be very challenting when it comes to legal issues, medical paperwork, and school stuff.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#3
May 5, 2009
2,569
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grace said:
I do believe a woman should take her new husbands name upon marriage.

I was always against hyphenated names. BUT, as a single mother now, if I were to ever remarry..and I still had young children or children in school...I would seriously consider hyphenating my name. Having a different last name from the children would be very challenting when it comes to legal issues, medical paperwork, and school stuff.
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What about changing your name AND your children's names to his name? Would you consider that?
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#4
Mar 7, 2009
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If I was to marry I definately would take my husbands surname. I can understand hyphenation especially for those like myself with no brothers or male cousins to carry on the family name, however, instead I would incorporate my maiden name in the name of one of my children maybe.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#5
Sep 8, 2006
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Sharp said:
What about changing your name AND your children's names to his name? Would you consider that?
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I believe here in the US, that would require the *step-father* to adopt the children, OR for both biological parents to concent to a name change.

The ideal of coarse would be to be able to move on my life completly with no strings attatched to the past.....but that is not always as feasable as one would like. So, yes, I would do it if the circumstances permitted themselves.

I guess those are bridges I will cross if they ever present themselves.
 
E

eringobrea

Guest
#6
#6
What if your wife's name is the same as your last name? For example... Stacey Stacy, Alison Allison, Morgin Morgan... Would any of you consider an exception in these cases? By the way, guess which one is MY wife's name. That's right, she took my last name even though it's pronounced exactly the same as her first just spelled slightly different. Many of her friends called her stupid but it didn't matter to her.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#7
Jan 8, 2009
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I do believe there are times when the lady may wish to hyphenate or keep her maiden name. If the man's surname is Bozo, Bonzer, Bonkers, Dodo, Doodoo, etc.
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#8
#8
grace said:
I believe here in the US, that would require the *step-father* to adopt the children, OR for both biological parents to concent to a name change.

The ideal of coarse would be to be able to move on my life completly with no strings attatched to the past.....but that is not always as feasable as one would like. So, yes, I would do it if the circumstances permitted themselves.

I guess those are bridges I will cross if they ever present themselves.
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When i was growin up... my step dad and all my brothers and sisters had one name, but i had a different one, cause my step dad wouldnt adopt me, it was really frustrating because no one knew that i was related to any of them, and it was really weird, i used to get asked ALL the time. How come you have a different last name? I feel that if you are to get married the first time around you should just drop your last name and take the mans. If you are getting married the second time.. you should take your new husbands last name, and have the man adopt those children, I dont think a woman should consint to marrying a man unless he adopts her children.
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#9
#9
MahogonySnail said:
I do believe there are times when the lady may wish to hyphenate or keep her maiden name. If the man's surname is Bozo, Bonzer, Bonkers, Dodo, Doodoo, etc.
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Ha, I was thinking the same thing! In that case I might gingerly suggest to my husband that maybe we tweak his last name a little bit. Maybe Bozeman instead of Bozo? I knew a guy in high school who's name was Dork and I remember wondering why his parents wouldn't just change it. Life's hard enough as it is for a kid.

Anywho, back on topic. Yes, I think women should take their husbands last name. Now if a woman was famous, or well renowned under their last name I can see her keeping her last name as her professional name but legally changing her name to her husbands'.
 
K

Kaitlin

Guest
#10
#10
This was one of the "culture shocks" I've had when I married my husband. I think a woman should take her husband's last name when married. But "[quote wikipedia] in the Netherlands, married women will remain registered under their birth name, but may choose to use their husband's last name socially or join both names. The latter option is most popular, usually in the format of his surname followed by her birth surname, with a hyphen in between.[end quote]"
Being Danish, I came to the Netherlands with my maiden name, but I could also still have had my ex-stepfather's surname if I hadn't changed my name back to my maiden name after my mother divorced him and in that case, I would have had my stepfather's name following me on every official paper today.
After the wedding, I went to Denmark to change my surname (replaced my maiden name with my husband's surname) and got a new passport. However, the Dutch registration system will still not adopt my new surname, and some people will even be so stubborn as to fill in both my husband's and my (passport) name on a form, hyphenated! (that is the same name twice, example: Morgan-Morgan). Not many (Dutch) people understand why I make such a big deal out of it. To me it's twofold: it's what I was used to as a Dane and I think it is a biblical way to show that you submit to your husband. Yea, I'm no big fan of hyphenated surnames either. And after 9 years of marriage, it's odd to see your maiden name still.
All I wanted is to have my husband's surname. How hard can it be? :p
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#11
#11
A lot of women elect to keep their maiden name or hyphenate because of their career. For example, I work closely with a teacher at the university who made a name for herself as Jones (we'll call it, I won't use her real name), so when she married it became Jones-Smith so that anyone trying to look at her background to see what all she has done and what experience she has only has to deal with one name. Her kids are Smith though and I think outside of her career she uses Smith.

In the event that I make a name for myself professionally before I get married, I would probably do this as well. Hyphenate for career purposes, but use the husband's name for the kids and outside of career-related areas. Although I guess you can always just keep the maiden name in the mix without a hyphen... like a second middle name or something. Right? I don't know, I don't really know what's involved in the name change process...
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#12
May 5, 2009
2,569
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#12
chelsers said:
Ha, I was thinking the same thing! In that case I might gingerly suggest to my husband that maybe we tweak his last name a little bit. Maybe Bozeman instead of Bozo? I knew a guy in high school who's name was Dork and I remember wondering why his parents wouldn't just change it. Life's hard enough as it is for a kid.
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That's what I think too. If a dude has a wacky surname or one which would make his wife's name weird, he should change it, and the wife should take the new name, or they could even come up with a new surname together...It just annoys me SO MUCH when husbands and wives don't have the same surname, like our dopey prime minister here...

Kaitlin that is VERY interesting about your experience in the Netherlands that they won't let you take your husband's name. Its like the world is moving more and more towards women keeping their own surname as some sort of feminist ideal...

The other problem I have with hyphonated surnames is where does it end? Picture this. John Phillips marries Katie Lewis, and Mark Stevens marries Lucy Jackson. John and Mary have a baby named Sarah. Mark and Lucy have a baby named Pedro. Both couples hyphonate their children's last names. Sarah and Pedro grow up and get married and have a baby named Jehoshaphat (they like biblical names) and decide to hyphonate their son's last name. You get Jehoshaphat Phillips-Lewis-Stevens-Jackson. That's whack!
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#13
Mar 7, 2009
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#13
Here's a twist...
I know a guy who is instead going to take his wife's surname?!
I just think that is a little weird...but....ok!
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#14
Sep 8, 2006
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SamIam said:
When i was growin up... my step dad and all my brothers and sisters had one name, but i had a different one, cause my step dad wouldnt adopt me, it was really frustrating because no one knew that i was related to any of them, and it was really weird, i used to get asked ALL the time. How come you have a different last name? I feel that if you are to get married the first time around you should just drop your last name and take the mans. If you are getting married the second time.. you should take your new husbands last name, and have the man adopt those children, I dont think a woman should consint to marrying a man unless he adopts her children.
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Thats rough. May I ask.....was your biological dad still in the picture..? Was your mother all for your step-dad adopting you..?

For my situation, their dad is still involved (if that is what you want to call it lol) So, that would require his consent for them to legally have their name changed. Now, if he were to pass away then I would be the one to make those choices.
That is why I said I would consider hyphenating my name so that Legally it would be easier for the children (in some aspects), but I could still be submissive to my spouse by accepting their name.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#15
May 5, 2009
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#15
J0Y said:
Here's a twist...
I know a guy who is instead going to take his wife's surname?!
I just think that is a little weird...but....ok!
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I think that's weird too...does he have a strange name or something?

I know a guy who has a swear word for his last name..poor fella..he was thinking of taking his wife's name but didn't...but still hyphonated the kids!
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#16
Jan 3, 2007
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What lady wouldn't want the last name of snickerdoodle?
 
A

ariannaaa

Guest
#17
#17
i dont think the woman's surname should ever be taken. in a way its the first form of official submission in the marraige, and as most of you know women are called to be completely submissive to their husbands. i also think its like a symbol of the leader in the relationship, which biblically is supposed to be the man. i think if its some weird last name you should still just take it. he put up with it his whole life.. why can't you for half of yours? :)
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#18
Jan 3, 2007
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ariannaaa said:
i dont think the woman's surname should ever be taken. in a way its the first form of official submission in the marraige, and as most of you know women are called to be completely submissive to their husbands. i also think its like a symbol of the leader in the relationship, which biblically is supposed to be the man. i think if its some weird last name you should still just take it. he put up with it his whole life.. why can't you for half of yours? :)
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Half?Considering how early some people get married, it seems to be more like 4/5ths of their life! And that's way too long! lol jk I know what ya mean.
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#19
#19
ariannaaa said:
i dont think the woman's surname should ever be taken. in a way its the first form of official submission in the marraige, and as most of you know women are called to be completely submissive to their husbands. i also think its like a symbol of the leader in the relationship, which biblically is supposed to be the man. i think if its some weird last name you should still just take it. he put up with it his whole life.. why can't you for half of yours? :)
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....... submission............ i cant stand that word...... im just not one of those law abiding citizens ;)
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#20
May 5, 2009
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#20
ariannaaa said:
i dont think the woman's surname should ever be taken. in a way its the first form of official submission in the marraige, and as most of you know women are called to be completely submissive to their husbands. i also think its like a symbol of the leader in the relationship, which biblically is supposed to be the man. i think if its some weird last name you should still just take it. he put up with it his whole life.. why can't you for half of yours? :)
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Wow that's a really solid attitude, good on you.


And Grace I didn't realise there were legal/consent issues with having a different name from your kids...so do your kids still have your ex-husband's name? (Sorry to be probing - this topic interests me). If he passed away, wouldn't you change your kids' surnames to your maiden name instead of hyphenating yours? Thanks for your input by the way :)
 
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