Should I Divorce My Wife???

[nathan3]

So my wife left us (me and our two kids, though her step kids, she has been in their life since they were 2 and 6; they are 17 and 13 now). She has not spoken a word to them. She refuses to speak to me. She stopped going to our church. She told me when I went to the house in our neighborhood that she wants to "find myself" that she never really got to know herself. Long story short, I consented to a restraining order because I did not want her embarrassing herself in court (I am an attorney) so I cannot make any more attempts.

Meanwhile, the household is managing, but I wonder how long. Having faith in God, I do not worry. He is sustaining us without her income. When my faith falters, I feel like filing for divorce and alimony for the months she was responsible. Would I be wrong if I file for divorce considering she has left/abandoned the home and is not talking? Based on Scriptures, she may have fallen into the category of non-believer. But I believe that we are not to divorce for any reason....but I'm not sure.

Not sure what to tell you to do. But divorce form a unfaithful wife is okay Biblically .Although never a happy or easy ordeal. And in Christ we have forgiveness of sin, and divorce is certainly forgivable .

There was this old postal inspector I used to know at work. He told me a similar event with his wife. How she felt resentment towards the kids, that she never fully lived life because she was a mom etc. She would spend extra time at her office with her male co worker she would speak fondly of often... So my friend resorted to tracking her whereabouts with cells phone GPS. He tried councelling with his wife. Together, and seperate. When I left that job I think things have quited down, but not sure there was any resolution to his wifes behavior. All he has is love for her, and she has this very worldly view of things that was causing major problems.

At the end of the day , its her choice. then yours, what your response will be. hope you your kids, and maybe even your wife is some respect, at least have some peace through all this.

 

[biggiestomp]

I will say this, my brother, some may agree and some may not. Seek biblical counseling from someone you know and could trust. This seems to be a very serious issue and quite personal. And often times people are only interested in asking questions because you're nosey not because they have your best interest at heart. You do show courage brother for sharing this but again I will suggest getting biblical counseling from someone you know and can trust.

 

[Lucy68]

I am amazed at the spiritual maturity that you 'abandoned' husbands are demonstrating! What love you have for your wives....SO SWEET...God definitely honors this and will bless you for it. I am reminded of the prophet Hosea whose wife, Gomer, left him for 'the world'. Interesting excerpt from Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer | Bible.org - Worlds Largest Bible Study Site :


We cannot escape the message of his undying love. Hosea wanted to see Gomer restored to his side as his faithful wife. And he believed that God was great enough to do it. One day word came by way of the grapevine gossips that Gomer had been deserted by her lover. She had sold herself into slavery and had hit bottom. This was the last straw. Certainly now Hosea would forget her. But his heart said “No.” He could not give her up. And then God spoke to him: “Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods” (Hos. 3:1).

Gomer was still beloved of Hosea even though she was an adulteress, and God wanted him to seek her out and prove his love to her. How could anyone love that deeply? The answer was right there in God’s instructions to Hosea, “even as the Lord loves.” Only one who knows the love and forgiveness of God can ever love this perfectly. And one who has experienced His loving forgiveness cannot help but love and forgive others. Christian husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25), and Hosea is an outstanding biblical example of that kind of love.



Paul says in 1 Cor 7:14 " For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband" ...Though I don't know exactly what that means, it does imply that God wants us to try our very hardest to preserve and grow our marriages.

Praying for all of you faithful husbands that your wives will find 'the world' very unsatisfactory and have their eyes opened to the treasures they have waiting for them at home.

 

[remus777]

Wow...um...not sure how to respond to this. Not sure I want to. All I will say is that I never suggested that she has an obligation to the kids, legally. I Tim. 5:8 says otherwise. But to the other things, I will not reply. Don't want to get into a legal debate here. I do enough of that. The "man up" comment. Wow, is my reply.

Remus,
I haven't posted here... but I have on other associated threads. I do want to address something I noticed from your posts further up the thread. You said you are an attorney... and while this surely can be of benfit to you for negotiating the legal process... it is hampering your spiritual process in this scenario. You said the children are not hers, rather yours from a previous union... if she hasn't gone thru legal process to have adopted them... she has absoutely NO obligation to them and while that is very unpleasant in terms of christian charity... the children are yours and having an expectation that she contribute financially in an supportive basis toward yours and their lifestyle is outside the boundaries of God's order. With all do respect... the most succinct term is "MAN UP". If this means you have to drastically reduce your current lifestyle for lack of her income to properly provide for your children... then DO IT. Eluding to intending to ask for spousal support somewhat reveals the disordered nature of how you previously conducted marriage. I do realize the boldness of my writing here and truly want you to recognize I do want for you to be successful... I as well as several others have counseled you to recognize this woman's dissertion of the marriage... so there is agreement there. You can choose to wait for her to return... or for her to marry another... but you are not under bondage to this non-marriage. If you wish to reconcile... live like a divorced man... give her no $support not attempt to take what is hers. If you choose to divorce... she is not required to pay spousal support but DO request the court award her communal property as she abandoned the marriage (broke contract) and therefore has no legal entilttlement to divide marital assets... she is the breaching party... not you. I hope my points are clear... if not feel free to PM me and we can hash out the legalese to clarify what I am saying. Remember.. If God is for your who can be against you... but make darn sure you are on God's side of the dividing line.

 

[remus777]

Thank you for your prayers.

I am amazed at the spiritual maturity that you 'abandoned' husbands are demonstrating! What love you have for your wives....SO SWEET...God definitely honors this and will bless you for it. I am reminded of the prophet Hosea whose wife, Gomer, left him for 'the world'. Interesting excerpt from Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer | Bible.org - Worlds Largest Bible Study Site :


We cannot escape the message of his undying love. Hosea wanted to see Gomer restored to his side as his faithful wife. And he believed that God was great enough to do it. One day word came by way of the grapevine gossips that Gomer had been deserted by her lover. She had sold herself into slavery and had hit bottom. This was the last straw. Certainly now Hosea would forget her. But his heart said “No.” He could not give her up. And then God spoke to him: “Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods” (Hos. 3:1).

Gomer was still beloved of Hosea even though she was an adulteress, and God wanted him to seek her out and prove his love to her. How could anyone love that deeply? The answer was right there in God’s instructions to Hosea, “even as the Lord loves.” Only one who knows the love and forgiveness of God can ever love this perfectly. And one who has experienced His loving forgiveness cannot help but love and forgive others. Christian husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25), and Hosea is an outstanding biblical example of that kind of love.



Paul says in 1 Cor 7:14 " For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband" ...Though I don't know exactly what that means, it does imply that God wants us to try our very hardest to preserve and grow our marriages.

Praying for all of you faithful husbands that your wives will find 'the world' very unsatisfactory and have their eyes opened to the treasures they have waiting for them at home.

 

[remus777]

Thank you, Biggie. I am seeking that. It is amazing how difficult it is to find the right counsel. I have to go straight to the Source on this one.

I will say this, my brother, some may agree and some may not. Seek biblical counseling from someone you know and could trust. This seems to be a very serious issue and quite personal. And often times people are only interested in asking questions because you're nosey not because they have your best interest at heart. You do show courage brother for sharing this but again I will suggest getting biblical counseling from someone you know and can trust.

 

[remus777]

You right. And for now, my choice is not to divorce her....no matter what.

Not sure what to tell you to do. But divorce form a unfaithful wife is okay Biblically .Although never a happy or easy ordeal. And in Christ we have forgiveness of sin, and divorce is certainly forgivable .

There was this old postal inspector I used to know at work. He told me a similar event with his wife. How she felt resentment towards the kids, that she never fully lived life because she was a mom etc. She would spend extra time at her office with her male co worker she would speak fondly of often... So my friend resorted to tracking her whereabouts with cells phone GPS. He tried councelling with his wife. Together, and seperate. When I left that job I think things have quited down, but not sure there was any resolution to his wifes behavior. All he has is love for her, and she has this very worldly view of things that was causing major problems.

At the end of the day , its her choice. then yours, what your response will be. hope you your kids, and maybe even your wife is some respect, at least have some peace through all this.

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

I am amazed at the spiritual maturity that you 'abandoned' husbands are demonstrating! What love you have for your wives....SO SWEET...God definitely honors this and will bless you for it.
Praying for all of you faithful husbands that your wives will find 'the world' very unsatisfactory and have their eyes opened to the treasures they have waiting for them at home.

Very nice, but in all honesty we have to admit that sometimes men realize and express this love more when the damage is already done. Just as a reminder to husbands to be pro-active in preserving their marriages and watch over their households and their marriages carefully.

 

[remus777]

This is true. But thank God we serve a forgiving God who restores and changes even the stoniest of hearts into hearts of love. Husbands should very well read these posts and be pro-active, loving their wives unconditionally, making their wives a priority, just under serving God.

Very nice, but in all honesty we have to admit that sometimes men realize and express this love more when the damage is already done. Just as a reminder to husbands to be pro-active in preserving their marriages and watch over their households and their marriages carefully.

 

[biggiestomp]

See what i mean. People are going to see into this anyway they feel. When you openly came here for advice. Nor have i heard you talk down about your wife. From my understanding i see a man asking for direction and encouragement. Good thing not many are called to minister to others. I'd hate to see someone cut their throat behind some of the judgment calls I'm witnessing. I'm Glad to hear your seeking biblical counseling on this issue, Brother.

 

[BarlyGurl]

. All I will say is that I never suggested that she has an obligation to the kids, legally. Admittedly I did make an inferance since you did state "sometimes I feel like filing... for alimony... for the months she is responsible", I thought you were asserting she make $$ contribution for the sake of your children. I correct myself... you did use the world alimony... so that would assert you believe she might owe you a portion of her earnings... doesn't it? this particular issue is the "disordered nature of previous marriage conduct" I was speaking about. I Tim. 5:8 says otherwise. Does it? where? HOW?? But to the other things, I will not reply. That is your prerogative however, my intention is to help you gt aligned with right teaching and help you make biblical choices, which is what you came here for... right? If you were looking for the most popular counsel... my mistake... if you truly want to get aligned with God's word according to your circumstances... you might consider re-thinking the true value of my words... I am fully aware that any counsel I submit, I am accountable to God for it. Don't want to get into a legal debate here. There is no intention to debate law, I was attempting to use legal terms to help you with scriptural principals. The basis of the English law system is rooted in biblical principal (which you SHOULD know) and in this scenario, contract law... is applicable to executing scriptural principals. God is a righteous judge and he commands us to Judge ALL things... I have noticed certain details in your posts that I have attempted to address with you...FOR YOUR BETTERMENT, you are free to decide to disregard or consider more carefully what I have said. I gave you an opportunity to discuss any erroneous communication in private... it doesn't obligate you.. it was a simple courtesy. I do enough of that. RIght, here is where I re-interate, You said you are an attorney and while this surely can be of benefit to you for negotiating the legal process... it is hampering your spiritual process in this scenario.The "man up" comment. Wow, is my reply. Wow back, try putting the words into context of my post... your apparent disregard for the first exhortation pretty much establishes the cause for your response to be WOW. But missing the point isn't that shocking because you have also misinterpreted 1 TIM 5:8, if you intended it to back up the idea that your absent wife is obligated to OWE you alimony.
I will offer again the PM option to hash out any miscomunicaton...but stand by my counsel as being harmonizing with the authority of biblical principals. YOU stated you have areas of uncertainty... I realize that... but to say you have some uncertainties... and then not be willing to recieve plain talk is sorta like saying "please scratch my ears". My hope was to help you unravel some erroneous thinking and help you line-up with the word... take it or leave it... you are the one who has to live with your choices... whether they are biblically based or NOT.

 

[seekingg]

This is amazing a Christian lawyer??? Go figure!....

You should prepare for the worst and to forgive her no matter what she is doing. And wait on her tell the kids she a little sick or something.

P.s. I wish my lawyer knew jesus too.

 

[remus777]

Your hope failed.

. All I will say is that I never suggested that she has an obligation to the kids, legally. Admittedly I did make an inferance since you did state "sometimes I feel like filing... for alimony... for the months she is responsible", I thought you were asserting she make $$ contribution for the sake of your children. I correct myself... you did use the world alimony... so that would assert you believe she might owe you a portion of her earnings... doesn't it? this particular issue is the "disordered nature of previous marriage conduct" I was speaking about. I Tim. 5:8 says otherwise. Does it? where? HOW?? But to the other things, I will not reply. That is your prerogative however, my intention is to help you gt aligned with right teaching and help you make biblical choices, which is what you came here for... right? If you were looking for the most popular counsel... my mistake... if you truly want to get aligned with God's word according to your circumstances... you might consider re-thinking the true value of my words... I am fully aware that any counsel I submit, I am accountable to God for it. Don't want to get into a legal debate here. There is no intention to debate law, I was attempting to use legal terms to help you with scriptural principals. The basis of the English law system is rooted in biblical principal (which you SHOULD know) and in this scenario, contract law... is applicable to executing scriptural principals. God is a righteous judge and he commands us to Judge ALL things... I have noticed certain details in your posts that I have attempted to address with you...FOR YOUR BETTERMENT, you are free to decide to disregard or consider more carefully what I have said. I gave you an opportunity to discuss any erroneous communication in private... it doesn't obligate you.. it was a simple courtesy. I do enough of that. RIght, here is where I re-interate, You said you are an attorney and while this surely can be of benefit to you for negotiating the legal process... it is hampering your spiritual process in this scenario.The "man up" comment. Wow, is my reply. Wow back, try putting the words into context of my post... your apparent disregard for the first exhortation pretty much establishes the cause for your response to be WOW. But missing the point isn't that shocking because you have also misinterpreted 1 TIM 5:8, if you intended it to back up the idea that your absent wife is obligated to OWE you alimony.
I will offer again the PM option to hash out any miscomunicaton...but stand by my counsel as being harmonizing with the authority of biblical principals. YOU stated you have areas of uncertainty... I realize that... but to say you have some uncertainties... and then not be willing to recieve plain talk is sorta like saying "please scratch my ears". My hope was to help you unravel some erroneous thinking and help you line-up with the word... take it or leave it... you are the one who has to live with your choices... whether they are biblically based or NOT.

 

[remus777]

Thanks, Seeking. I know my rights, but I refuse to do anything against my wife. She is not in her right mind right now. How can I in good conscience, do anything to hurt her? God will reach her and she will return to me and when she does, I will welcome her back. But even if He does not, I will not file anything against her. God will not allow anything to hurt me. He will fight against her if necessary. But I believe that will not be necessary.

This is amazing a Christian lawyer??? Go figure!....

You should prepare for the worst and to forgive her no matter what she is doing. And wait on her tell the kids she a little sick or something.

P.s. I wish my lawyer knew jesus too.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Your hope failed.

Hey no problem.... someone else has an opportunity to benefit as well.

 

[remus777]

Or not.......

Your hope failed.

Hey no problem.... someone else has an opportunity to benefit as well.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Or not.......


Well Gosh remuss, We can continue this way for quite some time... I will bear long and go twain...just as commanded. Thing is this thread will be a witness long after you, your sour attitude, or I have left the scene. I have no quarrel with you so why the terse tone... hmmmm?

 

[remus777]

Huh??? My sour attitude....lol. Well, at least you managed to make me smile, despite. I am not sour, Dear. Neither do I have a quarrel with you. Sorry that you took my offense to my "terse" response. I suppose I could have not said anything at all. But then again, that may have come across as even more sour. I don't know.

Thank you for your responses, consideration, thoughts, prayers, and advice. May God continue to bless you through the vicissitudes of life, encouraging you, teaching you, and protecting you.

Or not.......


Well Gosh remuss, We can continue this way for quite some time... I will bear long and go twain...just as commanded. Thing is this thread will be a witness long after you, your sour attitude, or I have left the scene. I have no quarrel with you so why the terse tone... hmmmm?

 

[Breizhour]

You said you really love her, so I think you should simply stay in faith, keep 'no record of wrongs' (1 Corinthians 13:5). My advice would be, that next time you talk to her (or maybe write her a letter), tell her something along the lines of, "Whatever you're going through, it's okay, I truly love you and I will be waiting for you if you ever decide to come back. I'm not going to be with anyone else, or file for divorce, I'm just gonna keep living and walking with God and praying for our marriage to be fully restored. I love you and I'm never gonna give up on you, and no matter what you end up doing I will still love you and wait for you and take you back."

A real great opinion.

 

[remus777]

Hi World!!!