Beginner's Guide to Small Talk
by goldy (self proclaimed expert at small talk)
Protip: The proper etiquette of talking to other people is to put their interests ahead of your own. You are the one intruding on their time because you want to talk to them, so be considerate of their time/feelings. If they don't want to talk, then don't force them to, but be friendly and courteous. Give them space, but don't be a jerk and ignore them if they don't want to talk to you at first.
First step
- Find the person you want to talk to. If they are not busy, say a nice "Hi!" ("Hey" or "Hello" are also acceptable variations). Don't yell or raise your voice and standing about 5-6 feet away when you greet someone is best (if you want to get super technical about it)
- If the person you want to talk to is busy, you can do one of two things. Wait until the person is not busy and say your greeting OR say your greeting politely (wave/smile at them/nod in their direction/etc.) and wait for the person to be available to talk.
Second step
- After the greeting, begin the conversation. Some good lines to start with is, "How are you?" (more formal, for people older than you or people you don't know very well yet) "What's up?" or "How's it going?" (less formal, for peers or friends), though these tend to gain the response of "Good." or "Fine." so you can go further and ask, "How has life/school/job been lately?"
- This step is where research will do you well. Unless you are meeting someone for the first time, you probably know something about them. Use this knowledge to fuel your conversation. For example, if you knew someone had a big math test the other day, you can ask, "How did your test go? Was it hard/easy?"
Third step
Continue the conversation. This one can be one of the hardest steps, but it's gets easier the more you do it. The most important thing to keep in mind when you are talking to someone is that, to you, they are the main topic. You are talking to THEM and thus you need to give them prompts to talk rather that simply just talking yourself.
- Ask questions. Usually it's good to start with something simple, like movies ("Have you seen any cool movies lately?"). Or if you know a person's interests, ask about them more in depth. e.g. If you know someone likes reading, ask them what books they've read lately and if there are any good ones they would be recommend. I don't care if you hate reading, ask it anyways. Branch out, try something new.
But again, conversation with someone is NOT about you. It's about the other person. Thus, put them before your own interests in a conversation and you'll have a lot easier time. Like, don't be nervous about "I don't know how to make the first move to talk to people." or "I don't know how to ask someone about their interests". The main thing is your mind set. If you go into a conversation only thinking about yourself and your own needs, you won't get anywhere, because I'm sure you can agree, trying to listen to someone who doesn't care one way or another about you is not very fun.
Thing is, you may just have to start out with conversations that only consist of the First and Second steps, but don't be stressed or frustrated about it. That's what small talk is. But the more people become familiar with each other (like, if you take the time to say a friendly "hi" to someone every week/day/on a regular basis, they'll become more familiar with you. It's not rocket science, man), the more they'll be comfortable to talk longer than just greetings.
[/no one probably cares, but if it helps someone somewhere, I'll be okay with it]
and I'm addin ya As a friend. Lol . And i wish you good luck on finding friends and just letting you know, ur in my prayers!
