If God Never Brings You A Partner...Cool With That?

[Chrissy77]

Chrissy77, I'm glad you did post that. I can identify with you many of those feelings. It's encouraging to see you share that.

Thank you, Rachel!

*Hugs* and much love to you, Chrissy... I totally, totally understand how you feel. Thank you for sharing because I often feel like people in my life have been like, "Oh, just get over it!", especially since so much time has gone by.

But it's not something I've ever gotten over, and I feel exactly the same way you do.


Please message me if you ever need to talk.

I understand that frustration myself. You can't help how you feel about certain things in life. All we can do is
go to God and ask him to change those feelings or give us a peace in the midst of them.

I know what you mean, Chrissy. I don't like sharing any deep personal feelings online either. Even if they are just ignored it hurts me. This is the reason why I don't reply to a lot of threads, by the way.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23

Yes, Gabe, I can see that. Seoul sparked me to answer because I have had too many people
tell me I shouldn't feel the way I feel about a situation. In the midst of that, I just want to
tell them, who are they to tell ME how I should feel. You can never know how you'd feel
about things in life unless you are in the middle of that exact situation.

 

[Chrissy77]

I hope you don't become upset by your openness,but I totally understand what you mean. Thanks for sharing what you said either way.

Oh I always second guess opening up, but there are times in life that people need to hear things especially
if it helps someone understand that you get where they are coming from.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Yes, Gabe, I can see that. Seoul sparked me to answer because I have had too many people
tell me I shouldn't feel the way I feel about a situation. In the midst of that, I just want to
tell them, who are they to tell ME how I should feel. You can never know how you'd feel
about things in life unless you are in the middle of that exact situation.

Yes, I know what that's like too [sigh]. And it can be very frustrating trying to explain to someone how they aren't understanding why you feel the way you do. :/

 

[Chrissy77]

Yes, I know what that's like too [sigh]. And it can be very frustrating trying to explain to someone how they aren't understanding why you feel the way you do. :/

Yes, that is true! I hate being told I don't need to be upset about something that upset me. Grrrrrrr

 

[SeatBelt]

Yeah, I am cool with that. It's God's plan, not mine. I can mess stuff up right royally when I try to drive from over here on the passenger side. More importantly, my focus is on doing the best I can with what I've got. It's gonna be a while before I even consider the possibility of being involved with someone again. Until then, and even after then, Job One for me is being a good Christian father. If having a girlfriend or wife is going to get in the way of that, then I need to just wait. If that waiting is indefinite, then do be it My commitments are first to my Lord, second to my kids, third I acknowledge that I must sometimes put myself ahead of my kids so that I can be in better shape and place to care for my kids. Then comes family (both blood relatives and those that are related to me by His blood). Lastly, everyone else is a bit of a tie.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Whether through suffering or satisfaction, humiliation or honor, bitterness or blessing...as poorly and inconsistently as it may be, I am set upon following Christ. I often feel like a failure and a fool, but know my worth to be more than just actions, and my solace to be in God.

That might seem like a strange answer, but I thought I'd start there. Ironically, the line (from an arguably secular song) "There's a blaze of light in every word. It doesn't matter which you heard, the Holy or the broken Hallelujah..." popped into mind.

Now, that sad and strange scene set...I'll say that I believe God has the best in mind, action, plan, ext for us. Whether single or in a romantic relationship, all is for our good and His glory. I can relate where you said the relationship taught you something. I hope it taught you a lot. God has done similar things with me, I believe.

Whether through faith or folly, I've just come to the point where I'll accept the 'hand I'm dealt' as it were. I do believe in making 'lemonade out of life's lemons', but also can see the beauty in sorrow and pain. I can see the fires refining the work. Nonetheless, is there in me to long, desire, dream for a mate? Yes, of course. I believe that is most of us...however,

I understand that only in God my loneliness was quelled. Only in God can I be fully known, become who I was meant to be, and overcome all which would destroy me. Only He is, teaches, and gives true love beyond measure.

So, where does that leave us with this question? Well...either way, I suppose. As hard, sad, and maybe painful as a singular (let alone purely celibate!) life is...I'll do what I must, and be who I'm called. If it's up to me, I'd like a wife, but the good in me created by God wants His Will over mine. Sorry if this was a bit long, confusing, or troubling, but life and things of it are not always simple...especially once people join the mix.

 

[Theophane]

I can relate to this. The last person I was with died from complications due to a suicide-attempt. She was the second (final?) romantic partner of my life so far. I'll be 34 next month and I have no reason to expect another partner. Both of them were gifts from God, and so will be any others. Just as I hope to one day see Jesus face-to-face in Heaven, I hope to have a life-partner (a wife?) with whom to grow old. I don't know if I want children. I don't feel that is a responsibility I can handle. I may not even be physically capable of fathering a child due to the psych meds I am on.

 

[Relena7]

Would I be "cool" with never getting married?

I guess if it never happened, I'd have to learn to be "cool" with it. You are where you are. What else am I gonna do? Throw myself off the edge of a cliff?

I guess I'd have to grudgingly force myself to "learn" to be cool with living and sleeping alone. But I'd probably be depressed about it at some point.

 

[dimples]

honestly i am currently experiencing the feeling of being alone at times. i asked my self what is happening to me, i have no lovelife, dont even date and dont have someone whom i can call as my lover. but i really do wants to have one and i am deeply praying to God for him (whoever he is) but for some reason i sometimes feel like my prayer wasn't heard at all that i should make my own move but end up feeling so exhausted, so i suggest that we better enjoy what we have right now real friends and loving family.

 

[HSfilledlady]

This thread wasn't really designed with the point of questioning if christians who were married & now divorced should,can,or can't get re-married according to the word of God. I'd rather stick to the topic at hand,which is do you feel you can in your heart follow God's will if even though you have a desire to "be" with someone,can you be cool with that & lay that desire down at his feet & move on with your life? This question was not designed for ppl who were married at one time only,because that's an entirely different can of worms that ppl like to discuss. I think I have made my opinion clear for my life how I feel about that in another thread where that was the topic.
With all that said...I think I see where yer' coming from HS. I am sorry I used the word "feel" even once in this thread,I forget sometimes how I type & how my meanings are lost many times...I also forget that so many ppl out there in the christian community get very technical when you use certain words & assumptions are made that he or she is a baby christian and/or they do not understand that you walk with Jesus isn't based on how you feel...it's based on his word,etc...lol My apologies to any I may have offended by starting this thread.

My point is as Christians we should not let how we feel dictate our choices. Whether we are deciding to get married for the first time or again. It seems you are upset because you didn't like what I said. I don't always like what the bible says I should do either... but I try to do it anyway. Christians should go by what God says to do in His word. This isn't Love chat it is Christian chat. I was totally on topic. I explained how I reasoned through whether or not I was ok with not getting married again. It has nothing to do with how I feel, but it is what I DO anyway.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

My point is as Christians we should not let how we feel dictate our choices. Whether we are deciding to get married for the first time or again. It seems you are upset because you didn't like what I said. I don't always like what the bible says I should do either... but I try to do it anyway. Christians should go by what God says to do in His word. This isn't Love chat it is Christian chat. I was totally on topic. I explained how I reasoned through whether or not I was ok with not getting married again. It has nothing to do with how I feel, but it is what I DO anyway.

No ,no..I wasn't upset at all & didn't mean to come across as so. Believe me,you'd know if I were upset. lol Maybe I didn't understand your post...no biggie. And yes,I am well aware that this is not "Love Chat" & that it's "Christian Chat"...but what I am also aware of is that this is posted in the "Christian Singles Forum". and btw...lol now I am being a bit sarcastic just so there's no misunderstanding.

 

[Hal51]

Once I had turned to Jesus I started to pray for a wife, a helper in life. I would ask Jesus to come to me in a dream and show me the woman that he had for me. That very night I dreamt of my ex girlfriend whom I have three children with. I woke up very upset saying to myself no no thiss cant be right. About 6 months later I did the same thing, I prayed and asked Jesus to show me the wife he has for me and the exact same thing I dreamt of my ex. I woke up thinking what a crule thing God has done to me, my ex has been happily married now for years. I have no clue what that was all about.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Once I had turned to Jesus I started to pray for a wife, a helper in life. I would ask Jesus to come to me in a dream and show me the woman that he had for me. That very night I dreamt of my ex girlfriend whom I have three children with. I woke up very upset saying to myself no no thiss cant be right. About 6 months later I did the same thing, I prayed and asked Jesus to show me the wife he has for me and the exact same thing I dreamt of my ex. I woke up thinking what a crule thing God has done to me, my ex has been happily married now for years. I have no clue what that was all about.

Hmmm...I'm not sure how to respond to that Hal. Almost sounds "it's own thread worthy". lol

 

[Powemm]

This thread got me looking a little closer at something ..
the word "partner" in the intro to the question being a key word for me. I thought about it for a while from three different angles..
1. what kind of partner has God been to me
2. What kind of partner would God operate in and through me as
3. Who should I recognize when partnering up with someone else

So I looked at the first Aspect.. What kind of partner has God been to me?
God is my biggest fan, he genuinely listens no
Matter how silly or serious I'm
Being, he meets my needs, he blesses
Me he does what's in my best intrest , he's loyal, he's honest, he never changes, je holds true to his
Promises, He loves
Meneven when I'm not lovable or living him back etc etc..

The second thing is "how does God" want to
Operate through me? the way I see it , all the above that He has been for me should be flowing into and through me
to someone else ..

And lastly, since it is God who is our ultimate source of fulfillment .. there should be a
Mirror image reflecting in the same way off
My partner and I .. God
Flowing in and through can only reflect a
Likeness in the fruits Of His image..

As I type these words part of a verse is coming to me.. Sorry I don't know the address.. " for what reward is there in loving those who love you? " seems like I've been lazy waiting for someone to love meninstead of just living people in general.. So really, I'm suppose to be with someone who's
Driving me crazy ... In spite of that , I am to love them anyway.. I can't help but think we are missing out on really practicing this because of singleness .. in singleness who are we practicing on to keep these skills sharp ? Or are we becoming dull because of it? rather getting stagnant while being comfortable loving only those who love me somehow tells
Me It is better to have someone to practice these skills daily., who better to do that with than a
Partner who wants that too?
Just some things I'm looking a little
Closer at

 

[Powemm]

Autocorrect- not so correct ...please excuse the spelling errors above

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Autocorrect- not so correct ...please excuse the spelling errors above

I'm sorry but speeeeling arrows wil knot be tollerated inn this thred! LOL
On a serious note...what you said about who better to do that with than a partner who does as well. So true. Kinda goes along with the whole being equally yolked thing. Interesting stuff to ponder.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I'm going to regret this too Chrissy. Let's regret our posts together. Whadda say?

Currently, I have a dichotomy. I'm split between being okay and not okay with not having a mate. (And the glasses come off because I know I'm going to cry...) I'm terrified of a functioning relationship with a man. To the point I will sabotage. I'm a huge idiot, and I'm willing to admit it.

I've only ever been in love with men who will leave me, and if it looks like they won't, I seem to create circumstances in which the only thing they can do is leave. However, I only recently have come to see this. I found a blog last night that really opened my eyes as to what I was doing and how I was doing it. God fascinates me! A typo into Google and up pops a site that just... yeah. Anyway, I have issues. I have big issues, and if I want to feel better about me, I need to fix them.

I want a husband, kids, the works. But I don't want a divorce. As a matter of fact, I don't ever want to even discuss the possibility of divorce with a husband. If I'm being completely honest, I'm just flat out terrified. Am I worth being loved? Will I be a good enough wife and mother? Am I going to be able to handle being a nurse, raising a family, going to church, making lunches, and the 9 million other things that go into life?

The one man that was supposed to love me forever left. He chose another woman and drugs over his wife and child. There were no visits, no birthday cards, no "it wasn't your fault" conversations. I got nothing. And I knew as a child that his child support was anything but timely, so because he didn't even care enough to pay the money the courts ordered on time, I figured he didn't love me. I was also informed as a child that the courts had to set up taking money out of his paycheck each week. So what did he do? He quit his job. I was very well aware that he didn't love me or want me.

Please parents, do not tell your children about child support. Don't tell them that it's late. Don't tell them the court forces them to pay it. Be a grown up. If you're mad, bitter, or whatever else at your ex, DEAL WITH IT. Don't put healing off. Don't poison your kids against their other parent. Kids blame themselves for everything and by my mother telling me these things about my dad, it's greatly shaped who I am and what I have to overcome today. And here's something that I don't get. I love my dad. Still.

I know that not all men are like my dad. I've met men who love and take care of their children, their wives, their pets, etc. But I'm terrified that once I'm with a man long enough he'll look at me and say, "you're so not worth this". Because it's happened every other time.

Can I move past all this? By the grace, love, and work of my heavenly Father, I absolutely can! God has brought me through so much, and I've watched him work in other people's lives to such a point that I know he can do anything.

I would be okay if I never married, and at the same time I would be disappointed.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I'm going to regret this too Chrissy. Let's regret our posts together. Whadda say?

Currently, I have a dichotomy. I'm split between being okay and not okay with not having a mate. (And the glasses come off because I know I'm going to cry...) I'm terrified of a functioning relationship with a man. To the point I will sabotage. I'm a huge idiot, and I'm willing to admit it.

I've only ever been in love with men who will leave me, and if it looks like they won't, I seem to create circumstances in which the only thing they can do is leave. However, I only recently have come to see this. I found a blog last night that really opened my eyes as to what I was doing and how I was doing it. God fascinates me! A typo into Google and up pops a site that just... yeah. Anyway, I have issues. I have big issues, and if I want to feel better about me, I need to fix them.

I want a husband, kids, the works. But I don't want a divorce. As a matter of fact, I don't ever want to even discuss the possibility of divorce with a husband. If I'm being completely honest, I'm just flat out terrified. Am I worth being loved? Will I be a good enough wife and mother? Am I going to be able to handle being a nurse, raising a family, going to church, making lunches, and the 9 million other things that go into life?

The one man that was supposed to love me forever left. He chose another woman and drugs over his wife and child. There were no visits, no birthday cards, no "it wasn't your fault" conversations. I got nothing. And I knew as a child that his child support was anything but timely, so because he didn't even care enough to pay the money the courts ordered on time, I figured he didn't love me. I was also informed as a child that the courts had to set up taking money out of his paycheck each week. So what did he do? He quit his job. I was very well aware that he didn't love me or want me.

Please parents, do not tell your children about child support. Don't tell them that it's late. Don't tell them the court forces them to pay it. Be a grown up. If you're mad, bitter, or whatever else at your ex, DEAL WITH IT. Don't put healing off. Don't poison your kids against their other parent. Kids blame themselves for everything and by my mother telling me these things about my dad, it's greatly shaped who I am and what I have to overcome today. And here's something that I don't get. I love my dad. Still.

I know that not all men are like my dad. I've met men who love and take care of their children, their wives, their pets, etc. But I'm terrified that once I'm with a man long enough he'll look at me and say, "you're so not worth this". Because it's happened every other time.

Can I move past all this? By the grace, love, and work of my heavenly Father, I absolutely can! God has brought me through so much, and I've watched him work in other people's lives to such a point that I know he can do anything.

I would be okay if I never married, and at the same time I would be disappointed.

Wow Duchess,thank you for sharing that with us! Not an easy thing to open up about for sure. You certainly hit the nail on the head at the end of what you were sharing with saying that you can indeed move past all of this with the grace,love & work of God. So many people deal with what you deal with. I personally have even dated women like you when I was younger,lol at one point I thought that's all I could attract. As a woman,having a strong,trustworthy man (hopefully) in the form of your Father growing up is certainly paramount in shaping how you will have,deal & view relationships with future men in your life. I think it's pretty awesome that you've even accepted Christ into your heart,with all you've been through. That alone shows me that you certainly will by the strength of God be able to accept a man's love for you,and hopefully you will meet that right guy who will capture your heart so deeply that you'll know that you don't have to push his love away or sabotage the relationship...that you are worthy of happiness & love,and all those things in your hear God has put there. I think on the same note,that even if the Lord had a different plan for you (or any of us) other than marriage & kids he could take that disappointment & bring something good from it. Sorry to ramble on.

 

[kenisyes]

1. what kind of partner has God been to me
2. What kind of partner would God operate in and through me as
3. Who should I recognize when partnering up with someone else

This is exactly the test of "if" and "who".

• You cannot love until you know who you are in Christ, and love is based on Him first loving us hence #1.
• You cannot partner with a person unless his/her gifting complements your own in some workable sense. #2
• If you and your partner cannot be made one flesh to minister together And if you cannot recognize your partner's ministry as God operating in him/her, and have yours recognized as God operating by your partner, it's the wrong person #3

 

[Powemm]

This is exactly the test of "if" and "who".

• You cannot love until you know who you are in Christ, and love is based on Him first loving us hence #1.
• You cannot partner with a person unless his/her gifting complements your own in some workable sense. #2
• If you and your partner cannot be made one flesh to minister together And if you cannot recognize your partner's ministry as God operating in him/her, and have yours recognized as God operating by your partner, it's the wrong
  person #3

thanks Ken this is very helpful .. I agree on number one ., I have come to know the love of God .. When we know the love of God he gives us a Discernment when we cone to know this , then we are better able to recognize Him working through others handing that love to us directly..

#2 I appreciate you sharing this.. And it makes a lot of sense.. I think this is where validation and edification comes into play as well..encouraging the talents And gifts discovered and not yet discovered are important between partners. Providing support and back up to keep going and keep trying.. doing something different instead of remaining the same if what is being done is not bearing fruitful results..
#3 valid and recognizable point! there are no " I's" in the word team..
There are recognizable words in relationships that give clues verrry quickly if you are dealing with an "I" or an " us" team for personal relation.. When that is established and proper boundaries to protect that yolk are set in place .. It is then the ministry of two becomes one and can go out into the world and do a good work in the kingdom as a team for others ..

Well said Ken! Thank you for those important points...

And it's those exact "two words " that reveal it ..