Severe lack of young men in church

[agirlandherguitar]

If you were to do some research on young men between the ages of 18 and 30 who attend church you would be pretty surprised!

It seems that these days there is a severe drought when it comes to young men in the church. Why?

Some theorize that the church is becoming "feminized" and caters more to young women than men. Involvement in churches surround children's ministries and family events. Other's say some churches promote a "Gentle Jesus" rather than the fierce lover and fighter he is. It's becoming harder for men who aren't married or have kids to connect in the modern church. How can he find a voice and belong to a church when there doesn't seem to be much encouragement or appeal for him to be there?

This is something new that I've been taking notice of. Every church is different, but the ones I've been visiting, including the current one I'm attending, had two key groups: Married men and teenagers (not really men yet). Where was everybody else?

When attempting to establish some small study groups at one church I visited my friend and I walked past the Singles group and was surprised to see all of the people there were young women ages 20 to 30. ALL OF THEM. The only man in the group was the group leader and he was middle aged and married. I realized later that there was a reason for this, and that is the topic of this thread. When I visit this Singles Forum I get frustrated by the posts of guys saying they can't find a good Christian girl. Buddy, have you been to church lately? The ratio of single women to men is like 30 to 1.

Guys, where are you? We need you! We need young men like you in the churches! This is not just a church by church basis, this is a universal thing that is happening and has been happening for a while.

Most of you may attend a church, and if you do then great! If so and if not what is your take on this issue? Ladies, what is your take on this issue?

 

[Tintin]

There do seem to be few young, single Christian men in the church and yet there are few young adult Christians in general. Most are teenagers or married adults. That's my experience, anyway. Maybe that's why so many Christian girls seem to look outside their faith for love.

 

[danschance]

Hmmmm, you're right. I wonder why?

Wanted: Young Men in the Church | Christianity Today

 

[Tintin]

A good article, other than the cheap, cliched pot-shot at video gaming. Just as with most things, they can be a valid of recreation. But gaming should be about priorities and moderation. Having an unhealthy obsession over sports isn't good either.

 

[Ugly]

Well, i know, as a single male i've had trouble fitting into churches. Most churches i've been to are more family oriented. Hence the married and teen ratio. Its parents and their kids. I've yet to find a church (while i'm sure they are out there) that has had any focus on singles whatsoever. Messages are about parenting, or being a spouse. Last time a female caught my attention in church in a serious way was when i was 18. I have dated some Christian women since, but not through church.
Fact is, most single Christian women i see in church won't even look my way. I've always had a 'rough around the edges' look and despite all the 'looks don't matter' claims by women, that has not been my experience in person.
These are my real experience, not quoting an article by someone else online.

 

[Nancyer]

Well, i know, as a single male i've had trouble fitting into churches. Most churches i've been to are more family oriented. Hence the married and teen ratio. Its parents and their kids. I've yet to find a church (while i'm sure they are out there) that has had any focus on singles whatsoever. Messages are about parenting, or being a spouse. Last time a female caught my attention in church in a serious way was when i was 18. I have dated some Christian women since, but not through church.
Fact is, most single Christian women i see in church won't even look my way. I've always had a 'rough around the edges' look and despite all the 'looks don't matter' claims by women, that has not been my experience in person.
These are my real experience, not quoting an article by someone else online.

Please don't think I'm discounting anything you said but I wonder how much time you spent at a given church before coming to this conclusion? Are you involved in the various activities and events? It can take a long while to discover you have something in common with a person at church beyond the Sunday morning praises. We have several single men at my church, some a little older, some younger. I don't know if they are looking for someone or not because the focus when at church is on Christ and whatever is going on at the time.

Anyway, prayers for you and your search. Don't give up. It may well be God hasn't put that right person in your path just yet but if you are meant to be with another it will happen, probably when & where you least expect it.

Love is Patient.....

 

[acesneverwin]

I try to go to church but it is a chore... Church is oriented toward females and families. Not men and certainly not single men. Seriously, most churches are set up with decor looking like a therapists office. And all the therapists I've gone to were female. The music is much more targeted toward women too. Most guys I know like rock, metal, alternative etc. All the music at church is more flowery and suited either for older people or women.

The men that are there are generally already married so it's hard to get to know single men to hang out with that aren't busy with family.

The guys when they speak generally do so in a more effeminate and almost fake joyously happy. I wanna see a real dude not fluff up his speech with flowery words no normal guy talks like. Also... most of the sermons are for couples or people in relationships.

Churches have a lot to shift around if they wanna attract more younger men... they need to feel they fit in and that's something I have a hard time doing since church seems to be reaching to other people and not me or others like me.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Most of them are out sowing wild oats. Fatherless families have been increasing statistically since the 1950s and today two-thirds of women will have a baby out of wedlock. Few fathers so guess where the boys are, they are out partying in one way or another.

And yes it's the modern "progressive" liberals fault primarily for this. They've worked hard to bring this about and have succeeded.

 

[danschance]

Most of them are out sowing wild oats. Fatherless families have been increasing statistically since the 1950s and today two-thirds of women will have a baby out of wedlock. Few fathers so guess where the boys are, they are out partying in one way or another.

And yes it's the modern "progressive" liberals fault primarily for this. They've worked hard to bring this about and have succeeded.

Well thank God the progressive liberals are at fault otherwise God might hold these men accountable for their sins.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Well, i know, as a single male i've had trouble fitting into churches. Most churches i've been to are more family oriented. Hence the married and teen ratio. Its parents and their kids. I've yet to find a church (while i'm sure they are out there) that has had any focus on singles whatsoever. Messages are about parenting, or being a spouse. Last time a female caught my attention in church in a serious way was when i was 18. I have dated some Christian women since, but not through church.
Fact is, most single Christian women i see in church won't even look my way. I've always had a 'rough around the edges' look and despite all the 'looks don't matter' claims by women, that has not been my experience in person.
These are my real experience, not quoting an article by someone else online.

I can totally get what Ugly is saying as well. When I started seriously going to church,I was 18. Any single christian girl there my age was already dating someone (usually a non believer from their respective college or school) or not interested in someone like me who had long hair & listened to heavy metal. Even though I was very active in my church as drummer on our praise & worship team,helping out in the youth group,teaching kids,etc...I was still not view upon as prospective christian husband type material. I too was rough around the edges. Most of the youth btw in our church were pretty much leading double lives anyways,the guys & girls. Most of them didn't want to be there & were made to attend by their parents come to find out. Some of them were ready to take their walks with God seriously & it showed,but you know how it is being a teen...it's tough,and for many having a relationship with Jesus is not a priority. My old church really did try to reach out to both the youth & the single members with various get togethers,etc...but like I said,there really were no viable women to date if you were age 18 -30. They were either too young or too old. It's interesting that you find even now such an imbalanced ratio.

 

[Liamson]

There is nothing for me to do in my Current church, unless I want to babysit other people's children.


Church should be a reflection of the Christian Community. It should be service oriented and not strictly something to be accomplished on Sunday. In the Orthodox Communities I've been a part of, Gender numbers were equal, because its not quarantined off, into categories, like Old people's Study, and Children's ministry and Women's prayer breakfast.


I have gone to a church here and its as if I don't exist. I show up, we discuss some politically driven message about how the end is near, Obama might as well be the Antichrist and Family/Children's stuff. I couldn't get my hands dirty if I tried. And only the women can be heard singing during service. The music is of the Jesus is my BF variety. But my Family and Extended family go there, so.... its just a phase for me.



People knock on Mega-churches but, For what its Worth, the Rock in San Diego is Awesome. I get plugged into a Ministry Oriented Small Group/ Bible study. A group of people who are all friends and who pray/Study/Serve together in a particular Ministry, like Homeless outreach or trafficking awareness or Evangelism. I felt like God was moving and using me, as a man for Christ there. For homeless stuff, I could sit and talk with someone, make friends with unscrupulous types, protect the women in our Group and in general be a man and feel WANTED USEFUL and NEEDED. The motto of their Church is Make Disciples and DO SOMETHING.


The church is in desperate need for Men to take on Young men as mentors. There is a Shortage of Men leading and guiding young men. I think its a cultural thing but, People need to understand that the leadership of the Church and the Next Generation are people like me who are going to throw our hands in the air and say, I would rather buy a Harley and Spend my Sunday Mornings Exploring the Open spaces than to sit through another service where I sing about how tender Jesus' Embrace brings me to tears and I just wanna lean on his shoulder and hold his hand.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

I detect sarcasm in your reply but it's unnecessary for it's not an either/or proposition. The modern liberals worked hard to undermine the nuclear family as per their ideology but the people affected by their efforts are still accountable to God as is everyone.

I also didn't bring up the fact that zebras have stripes or many other facts because they weren't my point.

Well thank God the progressive liberals are at fault otherwise God might hold these men accountable for their sins.

 

[danschance]

I try to go to church but it is a chore... Church is oriented toward females and families. Not men and certainly not single men. Seriously, most churches are set up with decor looking like a therapists office. And all the therapists I've gone to were female. The music is much more targeted toward women too. Most guys I know like rock, metal, alternative etc. All the music at church is more flowery and suited either for older people or women.

The men that are there are generally already married so it's hard to get to know single men to hang out with that aren't busy with family.

The guys when they speak generally do so in a more effeminate and almost fake joyously happy. I wanna see a real dude not fluff up his speech with flowery words no normal guy talks like. Also... most of the sermons are for couples or people in relationships.

Churches have a lot to shift around if they wanna attract more younger men... they need to feel they fit in and that's something I have a hard time doing since church seems to be reaching to other people and not me or others like me.

My former church had a great program for men. Every summer we would go on a men's retreat that was well planned and fun. The men would be put into one of two teams and these two teams would often compete in a very boisterous way. My point is, maybe you could find another church that you like.

 

[Nautilus]

Im with Ugly. Most churches are very very very fmily-oriented and its just not a good combination. I know my home church had a singles group and I went once with a friend. We were the only two under 40 and were just like yeah...awkward.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

It sounds like you may have had the advantage of a two parent Christian home. How advantegous for you. I can see how it would be easy for you to look down on those living in the world who didn't. It's easy to get on one's high horse.

My former church had a great program for men. Every summer we would go on a men's retreat that was well planned and fun. The men would be put into one of two teams and these two teams would often compete in a very boisterous way. My point is, maybe you could find another church that you like.

 

[FireWire]

[h=1]Isaiah 4:1 [/h]For seven women will take hold of one man in that day, saying, “We will eat our own bread and wear our own clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away our reproach!” (NASB)

 

[Shouryu]

Depending on what you consider "young," I think the concern could be for both genders. While the large churches in my community have no lack in any particular demographic, the smaller churches (congregations of less than 100) have a dearth of younger adults in general. I attend a church of about 40-50, and I am one of two people between the age of 17 and 40. With the exception of the 17 and unders, I am the only member who is childless! It seems the singles tend to flock to the large churches, which I guess is fine. But 1) I don't want to be in a church family in which I'm just a faceless number, I LOVE the fact that I literally know EVERYONE in the congregation personally and they all know me and 2) I'm not going to base where I worship based on the chances of meeting an available Christian woman...because I go to God's house to focus on God, not on finding a mate.

I figure He brought me to a church devoid of single women for that reason specifically, so that I wouldn't be distracted.

My city isn't a typical American city, though, so it would figure that our Christian population is likely atypical as well.

 

[Mojopin]

I'm single in a church full of OLD people... I'm 23 and I'm alone... not one female near my age is present EVER! And I hate being SINGLE I really do. And it's hard for a guy my age... most young chruchies get married asap and it's very hard to find a single church girl. Do I go marry a wordly girl and lose the sight of the lord? perhaps not but what can I do? Can't be alone forever huh.

And if you're an Australia girl or any girl who is interested meeting a nice guy. MESSAGE!

 

[Tintin]

It sounds like you may have had the advantage of a two parent Christian home. How advantegous for you. I can see how it would be easy for you to look down on those living in the world who didn't. It's easy to get on one's high horse.

Wow, no need for the anger, mate. Dan was clearly just commenting on the topic, not discounting other people's experiences. So, chill.

 

[Stuey]

There do seem to be few young, single Christian men in the church and yet there are few young adult Christians in general. Most are teenagers or married adults. That's my experience, anyway. Maybe that's why so many Christian girls seem to look outside their faith for love.

Might depends where you are at - but I spend a lot of time around uni students.

In my experience there are more girls than guys. I think it's because guys need to man up... and you no longer need to get married for things thesedays... why bother.


- edit -

I also feel this is HIGHLY dependent on your geographical location and the type of church you go to.