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My heart wants me to be happy again. But my brain keeps getting in the way.
Heart: True inner peace exists. you know this, you've had it before.
Brain: Everyone acts like genuine joy is an illusion and a stupid fairy tale. Therefore they might know something you don't.
Heart: "Other people" are not you. You are you. So be you and be happy. Don't be scared.
Brain: If you let your guard down, everyone will criticize you... and I'll criticize you too.
Heart: Then you will learn how to forgive them with the power of inner strength and love.
Brain: Other Christians will tell you that the psychological exercises and inner peace stuff is "new age BS", so I will remind you of this when you are feeling most vulnerable and make you cry so you don't accidentally make God mad.
Heart: Your needs are not the needs of other people. Keep them out unless they understand and stay true to yourself. God gave you a gift of inner strength. So learn how to use it! Don't be scared!
Brain: But I am scared. I'm programmed to be scared.
Heart: Then question your thoughts. Just because you fear it does not make it true.
Brain: Hmm...touché, heart... I'll relax now and debate you tomorrow.
Heart: Okay.
Heart: True inner peace exists. you know this, you've had it before.
Brain: Everyone acts like genuine joy is an illusion and a stupid fairy tale. Therefore they might know something you don't.
Heart: "Other people" are not you. You are you. So be you and be happy. Don't be scared.
Brain: If you let your guard down, everyone will criticize you... and I'll criticize you too.
Heart: Then you will learn how to forgive them with the power of inner strength and love.
Brain: Other Christians will tell you that the psychological exercises and inner peace stuff is "new age BS", so I will remind you of this when you are feeling most vulnerable and make you cry so you don't accidentally make God mad.
Heart: Your needs are not the needs of other people. Keep them out unless they understand and stay true to yourself. God gave you a gift of inner strength. So learn how to use it! Don't be scared!
Brain: But I am scared. I'm programmed to be scared.
Heart: Then question your thoughts. Just because you fear it does not make it true.
Brain: Hmm...touché, heart... I'll relax now and debate you tomorrow.
Heart: Okay.
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Aliens?
Yes... there are aliens; those that are foreign and outsiders of a certain place.
I am an alien to the world; in it, but not of it.
UFOs?
Yes... there are UFOs; objects that are flying that are not identified. I could throw a few things and see how many times you could guess what it was to easily prove this point.
Space ships of unknown humanoids from unknown planets?
Hmm... let me ask someone...
2 Timothy 4
[SUP]3 [/SUP]For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
[SUP]4 [/SUP]And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
Now if you will excuse me... I have to watch out for big creatures rising out of the sea and dragons that need to be slayed... right after I go play with some poisonous snakes.
Yes... there are aliens; those that are foreign and outsiders of a certain place.
I am an alien to the world; in it, but not of it.
UFOs?
Yes... there are UFOs; objects that are flying that are not identified. I could throw a few things and see how many times you could guess what it was to easily prove this point.
Space ships of unknown humanoids from unknown planets?
Hmm... let me ask someone...
2 Timothy 4
[SUP]3 [/SUP]For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
[SUP]4 [/SUP]And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
Now if you will excuse me... I have to watch out for big creatures rising out of the sea and dragons that need to be slayed... right after I go play with some poisonous snakes.
I enjoy what I do for a living - especially because I can work independently and set my own schedule. But cleaning the offices of a company I applied for, and was turned down from, was a bit much. And maybe I'm not the "yay teams!" team player I thought I was?
I've earned a few days out of the city; but I fear one of my friends may have departed the faith. Complications.
I've earned a few days out of the city; but I fear one of my friends may have departed the faith. Complications.
I sometimes wonder if I take my anger out on You. The lack of a father figure in my life is somehow projected onto to You. And that is something I don't need. What I need to learn is to humble myself and accept grace. I need to learn to be a slave despite my thoughts and feelings. Sure they make me who I am, but I want to learn to be who I am in You. I know my relationship with you isn't all that great. But I'm trying to stay faithful. I'm trying to see and stick to something my eyes can't. But it's hard. I sometimes wonder when I will become truly bitter and resentful. When I will completely shut down and shut everyone including you out. But like the fool I am, I keep coming back to you. Trying to make more sense of the world and it's citizens. I don't know how to be a light. I'm not even sure what it looks like within a fellow believer. All I hear are earthy opinions, and philosophies on how to follow you. No one ever taught me how to genuinely pray to you. All they said was: Close your eyes and talk to God. Well, I'm done closing my eyes. But I'm not done talking. I want to see you. I want someone to talk to. I want to confide in you. Because I'm scared. I'm scared of you and your judgement of me. I'm scared I will not be of the few chosen. I'm scared that I'm not threading the narrow path. I'm scared of knowing your Son will reject me. This is why I'm living the way I live. I'd rather be an honest sinner and know about it, rather then faking my way into Hell. I know, when my life on earth is over, You will have the glory in the end. I know Your judgment will be the final say in one's life. I know You will reign. But life has a grasp on me and my mind and I know that I cannot serve two masters. I need You more into my life. I need not be afraid of the uncertainties that follow. But I am scared and uncertain. The world makes so much sense that I cannot find truth in Your Word. But I am compelled by the Word of Your Son. I want to know more about Christ. I want to see Him in action. I want to witness His deeds and follow suit. I want to witness Christ and know what I'm doing is the correct path. Because I'm tired of all these doctrines, these philosophies, these opinions from other flawed sinners like myself. I want to walk beside Christ. I want to talk to Him. I want to know Him. I NEED to know and understand Jesus/Yashuah/Whatever name we given Him. I want to know that grace can flow from my very being. I need a reeducation in Your ways. I don't want to live a "pious" life. I don't want religious to be a label to carry. I just want the truth that comes forth from Your mouth and your heart. I just want to feel safe and understood. I just want to do good for You. But I lack understanding in how You work. If I could pour out my mind and worries adequately, then I would have nothing left inside myself except to be filled by You and Your wisdom. I honestly don't know why I'm typing this. But hank You for EVERYTHING You've saw fit to proceed in time. I may not understand why life has to be this way, but I just want to thank You... Especially to Your Son.
P
M
Letting go of preconceptions is difficult. I'm trying to learn not to form them in the first place, but getting rid of the ones already there?
It's like trying to...pull a dandelion out by the roots.
Which is a pain in the rear end, and pieces almost always get left behind.
Now I think I'm more worried about weeds in the yard than whatever the heck I was just talking about. It's kind of frustrating, being inside my head like this...I get distracted so easily.
It's like trying to...pull a dandelion out by the roots.
Which is a pain in the rear end, and pieces almost always get left behind.
Now I think I'm more worried about weeds in the yard than whatever the heck I was just talking about. It's kind of frustrating, being inside my head like this...I get distracted so easily.
P
I use to hate pain ... Nerves in root systems Long ago established , in cities of corrupt beliefs .. Have become bitter sweet..
The pain And sensitivity I have learned are actually identifying markers of things God is trying to adress with me ..Places I have not allowed Him to restore ..therefore remains like a
Cavity of blockage..and oh
My will he let me know he can't work through it. a vessel with blockage is like a blocked drain pipe..
it in the deep places and likes to hide.. I finding God is like draino.. If I will just pour Him in.. He will do all the work ..
I can't believe it's been "this easy" the whole time..yet I was to busy or someone needed my attention or my own agenda mattered more ...that is all rubbish compared to the miracles
Of healing I'm discovering .. I see now, the decay was my "own doing" never God denying me .. Somehow I thought I
Could go around him... oh the wilderness travels of 40 years .. When only 11 miles across ..
What was I ever thinking ???!!!
beaneath the cross of Jesus
I fain would take my stand
The shadow of a mighty rock within a weary land ...
The pain And sensitivity I have learned are actually identifying markers of things God is trying to adress with me ..Places I have not allowed Him to restore ..therefore remains like a
Cavity of blockage..and oh
My will he let me know he can't work through it. a vessel with blockage is like a blocked drain pipe..
it in the deep places and likes to hide.. I finding God is like draino.. If I will just pour Him in.. He will do all the work ..
I can't believe it's been "this easy" the whole time..yet I was to busy or someone needed my attention or my own agenda mattered more ...that is all rubbish compared to the miracles
Of healing I'm discovering .. I see now, the decay was my "own doing" never God denying me .. Somehow I thought I
Could go around him... oh the wilderness travels of 40 years .. When only 11 miles across ..
What was I ever thinking ???!!!
beaneath the cross of Jesus
I fain would take my stand
The shadow of a mighty rock within a weary land ...
Just discovered this song last week. It brings me close to tears. I can feel my heart say these words, these lyrics:
How many times have You heard me cry out, "God, please take this"?
How many times have You given me to strength to just keep breathing?
Oh, I need You
God, I need You now
-------------
I have begged God before to take certain things away. Literally begged, lying on the floor, sobbing. I have felt like I couldn't breathe before, from the weight of it all.
But our Lord sustains us. Even when we are broken. We are not alone in the valley of the shadow of death. He stays right beside us, guiding us, sometimes without us even knowing or acknowledging it.
I am posting this now, in this moment, so that when I don't feel this way, when I feel that God has abandoned me or that I am alone, I can look back on this as a reminder to myself that my feelings don't change the truth of God.
How many times have You heard me cry out, "God, please take this"?
How many times have You given me to strength to just keep breathing?
Oh, I need You
God, I need You now
-------------
I have begged God before to take certain things away. Literally begged, lying on the floor, sobbing. I have felt like I couldn't breathe before, from the weight of it all.
But our Lord sustains us. Even when we are broken. We are not alone in the valley of the shadow of death. He stays right beside us, guiding us, sometimes without us even knowing or acknowledging it.
I am posting this now, in this moment, so that when I don't feel this way, when I feel that God has abandoned me or that I am alone, I can look back on this as a reminder to myself that my feelings don't change the truth of God.
I'm tired. Amazingly, stupidly tired. And I was written up at work today for standing up for myself. I'm not going to let that man bully me. He tried, but since there was a witness to the meeting, he couldn't get away with what he tried. There was a day I would have just taken it, but not any more. I can take correction, in fact, I welcome it. But I'm not easily manipulated, bullied, or tricked. This place makes me miss Starbucks. And Starbucks is a horrible company to work for. At least in California it is... two class action suits I've been involved in with Starbucks. If y'all can avoid working for them, I'd recommend it.
I
I will be glad when I die. No more bills! I am so sick of always trying to make ends meet. Yer' whole life revolves around needing $$ to exists it seems. Every bill is tied in with the other somehow.
I know I am supposed to trust God for all my needs,and I do. I am fully aware that my life could be much worse & he's blessed me many times & gotten me out of some real binds financially.
I still have never known what it was like to never have to always think ahead about $$$ I've never been that well off.
There's always been some stupid situations where I have to dip into the money I was using for savings or padding for that rainy day & then I'm back at square one again,or even in the minus.
I look back now with fleshy eyes & greed & think.."Man,what an idiot I was,I should have told my ex I wanted HALF of everything & said heck with it & got a lawyer!" - but that would have made such an easy divorce turn ugly. She wanted to leave & I let her,there was no changing her mind. Why protest if someone does not want to be with you after you beg them to talk to you,to go to counseling together as a couple or just her...to talk things out & see if there's a way to salvage the marriage.
Guess God wasn't going to intervene as the whole marriage wasn't blessed by him anyways. What does he think? Does he just turn away from marriages where one person is a believer & the other isn't?
Who cares. Dumb questions anyways to think on. Past is Past!!!!
I'm broke & alone now,time to move on.
I'm so full of cheer this morning. UGH! I really hate when I get this way. I have to get my head out of my buns & do something productive today. I wish I could think of a creative job to do from home while I have all this time between my job. I need $$$$
I've never lived in a place where to fill out applications & give them your resume & it takes them like 6 months to contact you...it's like ummm...you posted that you needed help 6 months ago,yer' just now looking at applicants? HELLOOOOO?
Maine is such a strange place,or maybe is just this area of Maine.
I'm gonna have to buy ant buttons again I see. Spotted my 1st ant last night.
I'm sorry God,I know to created them but I really hate bugs. (inside my home)
I do enjoy ladybugs & fireflies...dragonflies too...oh and bumble bees are kinda cute too...the big furry ones that bounce off of everything like they need serious glasses. Ok, God I guess some bugs are cool.
Something I was thinking about last night.
Is it wrong to pray for someone to die...I mean like if someone is suffering really badly?
Obviously you'd love to see someone get healed,but...like if you know someone who's really old & terrible ridden with cancer,always in pain...is it wrong to pray that The Lord takes them???
I have always prayed that of course God's will be done,but also that if they are going to linger on here that at least they wouldn't be in so much pain.
I sort of did that with my Mom. I knew how sick she was when I spoke to her...not even sure she knew how bad she was,but it was horrible. I dunno...don't wanna think about this now...enough garbage on my mind,I don't need to get any more depressed.
Someone always has it worse Jim! GROW UP!
I know I am supposed to trust God for all my needs,and I do. I am fully aware that my life could be much worse & he's blessed me many times & gotten me out of some real binds financially.
I still have never known what it was like to never have to always think ahead about $$$ I've never been that well off.
There's always been some stupid situations where I have to dip into the money I was using for savings or padding for that rainy day & then I'm back at square one again,or even in the minus.
I look back now with fleshy eyes & greed & think.."Man,what an idiot I was,I should have told my ex I wanted HALF of everything & said heck with it & got a lawyer!" - but that would have made such an easy divorce turn ugly. She wanted to leave & I let her,there was no changing her mind. Why protest if someone does not want to be with you after you beg them to talk to you,to go to counseling together as a couple or just her...to talk things out & see if there's a way to salvage the marriage.
Guess God wasn't going to intervene as the whole marriage wasn't blessed by him anyways. What does he think? Does he just turn away from marriages where one person is a believer & the other isn't?
Who cares. Dumb questions anyways to think on. Past is Past!!!!
I'm broke & alone now,time to move on.
I'm so full of cheer this morning. UGH! I really hate when I get this way. I have to get my head out of my buns & do something productive today. I wish I could think of a creative job to do from home while I have all this time between my job. I need $$$$
I've never lived in a place where to fill out applications & give them your resume & it takes them like 6 months to contact you...it's like ummm...you posted that you needed help 6 months ago,yer' just now looking at applicants? HELLOOOOO?
Maine is such a strange place,or maybe is just this area of Maine.
I'm gonna have to buy ant buttons again I see. Spotted my 1st ant last night.
I'm sorry God,I know to created them but I really hate bugs. (inside my home)
I do enjoy ladybugs & fireflies...dragonflies too...oh and bumble bees are kinda cute too...the big furry ones that bounce off of everything like they need serious glasses. Ok, God I guess some bugs are cool.
Something I was thinking about last night.
Is it wrong to pray for someone to die...I mean like if someone is suffering really badly?
Obviously you'd love to see someone get healed,but...like if you know someone who's really old & terrible ridden with cancer,always in pain...is it wrong to pray that The Lord takes them???
I have always prayed that of course God's will be done,but also that if they are going to linger on here that at least they wouldn't be in so much pain.
I sort of did that with my Mom. I knew how sick she was when I spoke to her...not even sure she knew how bad she was,but it was horrible. I dunno...don't wanna think about this now...enough garbage on my mind,I don't need to get any more depressed.
Someone always has it worse Jim! GROW UP!