Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[iTOREtheSKY]

Broke down & fixed myself some lunch...sitting here reading various threads...I noticed one thing that caught my eye in one.
Matter of fact I have always half-joked about this with many people I know over the years...one thing that is the most despised,mocked,absolutely no mercy or toleration given to people who are FAT. I always use the word fat...I don't say big,or overweight,or husky...I call it what it is. FAT! My thin friends always cringe when I say that. They try not to use the word Fat around me,as though it would offend me or I somehow would collapse to the ground in tears upon hearing it.
I always say to them..omg dude..you can say the word...it's a word..it's not some man-made slang like the "N" word,sheesh!
(that always gets a laugh)
Most of them always say,"I don't even think of you as fat". Well...then use the word. lol
I am fat. Always have been. I was 7 1/2 lbs at birth,but after that??? Dunno. Been to every Doc...nothin'. Diets,exercise...pretty much walked everywhere from 7 yrs old until my late 20's...But never a thin person shall I be.
Oh well. I have come to grips with it. I've had chicks over the years...never hurt my dating skills. (that's the secular me talking)
My train of thought always leads me to the odd fact that in our country we can make peace in our minds with people who smell bad,have bad habits,or are just plain despicable...but fat people...hmmm..."they don't care about themselves...they can change the way they look...it's no one else's fault...no one forced them to eat that big mac!"
I just find it a bit odd at how vilified fat people are. I notice this attitude is even stronger among christians because then they start to toss scripture around & use it not to help someone but to find a clever way of hiding their repulsion. Not all do it! In fact we as christians use the word of God as a weapon against one another in various other ways at times which are just as bad.
This is my random thinking right now & as I am typing this I hope no one reading this would think I am upset. I have my issues under control,so there's no animosity anymore..not like when I was a little kid. The nuns used to say "Jim,keep yer' hands to yourself..you can't hit someone back,you are bigger than them & you'll hurt them!" Yes..yes...but it's ok for 5 or 6 skinny kids to pick on & punch the fat kid...gotchya sister! lol
2 things I am thinking of bug me #1....when people call me big Jim...all the time..."what's yer' name?" ..."Jim"..."nice to meet you big Jim!"..."ummm...no..it's just Jim,that's my 1st name...my first name isn't BIG!" I think a few yrs ago @ work,someone who called me big Jim all the time,called me that in front of a bunch of co-workers & I said to him,"Dude,why don't you just say Hi Fatso...wouldn't that be easier?" The look on his face was kinda priceless...then I said to him,"You can keep calling me big Jim as long as you don't mind me calling you crooked toothed Bill...deal?" Not my most Jesus-esque moment admittedly...but he got the idea I think. and last but not least #2 this whole fat thing,I know is a lot harder on women than men...just look at how dysfunctional our society is concerning what a woman should weigh. God-forbid she's not 99lbs & a size zero!
I do find it a bit sad,funny & ironic that many fat women christian or not won't date a fat guy...women want a man to love them for who they are..love their minds,not just for their bodies.
I am thinking now I need to stop with this...maybe this should have been in a different thread or it's own fat thread. Fat threads for fat christians..bigger better plumper than ever...more God inside. I'm not fat,I'm filled to overflowing with God's glory...well,my friend you gots a lot of his glory in dat trunk! boooooyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Word!

 

[MissCris]

This is absolutely not a "response" to iTore's memoir about fatness. Nope. That's against the rules

I don't see a fat (heavy, large, overweight, whatever) person and automatically assume that they simply don't care about themselves at all. If that person happens to also be very smelly, or very sloppy, that's when I begin to suspect. You know, that they aren't their own biggest fan. But the same goes for twiggy people, too- if ya stink, or you're just...you know, looking like ten miles of rough road...I will probably wonder why you don't like, DO something with yourself.

That all being said...

I've struggled with my weight/size since my early teens. I'm 5'9", with a frame to match. I've been under weight before. I've been overweight before. A couple of times, I was considered obese. I gained, lost, gained, lost, gained the same stupid 40 lbs off and on over the course of 8 or so years.

It didn't seem to matter to some people whether I was bone-thin or the size of a blimp; some people saw me. Others...when I was too skinny, they'd still tell me I needed to lose weight. When I was actually fat, they were afraid to say anything.

Huge bouts of depression over this junk.

I just could never develop a healthy attitude about myself, or food, or exercise. It was always either all or nothing, eat everything or starve, hate myself and hide or need constant compliments from everyone to assure me that I was "good enough".

I can't describe my turning point; it happened at the same time that my marriage was healed. God worked a handful of miracles in my life all at once, it seemed (really within a 4 or 5 month time period). He didn't instantaneously "fix" everything, no. He changed me, on the inside, and from there, I did the work to change me on the outside. Not easy to do. Finding a healthy balance when you're so prone to addictions (never drugs, but food or exercise addictions are dangerous as well) is very difficult.

Right now I'm 37 lbs down from the heaviest I'd ever been, after having my first kid and being too overwhelmed to care about my appearance at all. Now, after my second kid, I realize how vitally important it is that I be a good example for them both; I can't tell them to eat healthy while I'm stuffing my face with fast food or something.

And I never, ever want either of them to struggle with feeling worthless due to their weight. Ever.

Finding a healthy middle-ground for me is hard. Especially when, no matter how much weight I lose, there will always be somebody out there judging what I look like and thinking it's just not good enough. I'll never look like the celebrities I used to be jealous of. I'll never fit into anything smaller than a size 10.

That used to hurt me, knowing those things. Now? I don't care what other people think, so much. I kinda like me, Jesus loves me, and...who else? OH, right, my husband thinks I'm pretty ok too.

...yikes...this has been ANOTHER long rambling from your resident weird married chick.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

this is just a random thought..I am in no way responding to that green type-face poster above me...but I quite enjoy having a resident weird married chick around. Fo-Sho!

 

[Searching4Truth]

Any emotional investment I place into any of them, no matter how how close I get, seem to swiped away by reality. I think it's just best for someone like me to close down to any feelings whatsoever. There is nothing that anyone anywhere here on Earth that can offer anything to make it any better. The only time I seem happy is in my dreams or I'm with those rare few I actually befriend. But even then, like a dream they fade into time... Humans. I don't like them. I don't know how to love them when they're so dead set on their own personal goals despite the labels or what they say about themselves. I seriously don't think that I can truly lie to myself like they can.

 

[zeroturbulence]

There once was a shy guy named Zero
Who wanted to be a girl's hero
He always got stuck or down on his luck
But everyone thought him a dear-o

 

[zeroturbulence]

There once was a girl near the Ocean
Whose beauty caused lots of commotion
And despite all her trials she still can give smiles
That brighten the darkest emotions


(lets see if she notices, hehe)

 

[error]

Back from the concert. It was amazing!

 

[error]

Oh, and I forgot to mention-my friend got richer tonight. She found 5 Ls on the floor. yay!

 

[Powemm]

You're a poet and don't know it

 

[zeroturbulence]

There once was a lady named Error
Whose beauty is that which is rarer
Her spirit is kind and nowhere you'll find
A woman whose soft heart is fairer

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok I'mma stop now before Arwen gets mad.

 

[Markum1972]

There once was a man named Jim,
But to mention him here is a sin,
Because any reply,
You cannot deny,
Would be 'gainst the rules within.

 

[error]

There once was a lady named Error
Whose beauty is that which is rarer
Her spirit is kind and nowhere you'll find
A woman whose soft heart is fairer

My cat says that was so sweet. He almost cried. Ok, I'm lying-he is sleeping.

 

[error]

Ok I'mma stop now before Arwen gets mad.

ARWEN ROCKS! Alright-I must go to sleep.

 

[zeroturbulence]

My cat says that was so sweet. He almost cried. Ok, I'm lying-he is sleeping.

I meant every word of it.

 

[Powemm]

That was awesome ... Made me
Laugh ..!!

 

[arwen83]

I've been sick in my cave that is also my bedroom for two days, only coming out to buy ginger ale, and eat when I can. I got out into the world today, had some fresh air, some socializing. It was good.

 

[Powemm]

I'm sitting on my covered porch ..grabbed a blanket , in my jammies ..waiting to see what this test coming before me is about .. The wind is unbelievable .. Turned all the lights out .. It's lightning , and reports of tornado outbreaks are all over the news ... Just got off the phone with
My dad a few minutes ago.. Telling me heads up the biggest storm is about to pass through at 9:00 - 9:15 tornado and large hail... I am in perfect peace for some reason ... I guess it's because I know what my "heavenly father" is doing .. Testing, tapping, getting people's attention.. The wind has suddenly ceased ..The rain has begun.. My mind winders to Jesus walkin on the water towards the boat in the storm .. Is this Hos perfect peace I'm feeling ? No fear .. Putting all my confidence in the promises God has made to me .. Psalms 91 coming to mind .. The rain is getting louder and heavier . But even in this o can still hear the still small voice of God.. Will you trust me Michelle , will you put all your confidence in my protection for you?
Will you talk with me through it? Share all your hearts going through? Will you rely in what your eyes see ?" the wind, the movement , the noise, or will you keep listening for me ?" it's amazing how quiet everything has become doing this ...am I scared? No, you've told me you will protect me no matter what comes .. You've told me nothing will come near my tent .. You've told me
Ten thousands will fall at my feet even but no harm will come upon me .. I know you are not a man , you can not lie ... Thank you for this test.. Thank you for this trial .. Thank you for the noise, the wind , the rain , the hail.. In it I still hear you ...
You keep menkn perfect peace remembering all you have told me .. These things I will think upon .... My son just called he said "mom?" are you okay? I just laughed "of course I am I'm with God" he said "the tv is showing tornado activity and sirens going off all around you with winds up to 80+miles an hour "
Really? I'm standing in the doorway watching all of it with the lights out .. Everything is fine here .. Gods in control ...
it's like the gates of heaven have opened up here and a water spout was turned on full blast.. I love it !!!!
Cleanse the earth dad with all your might !! Beautiful!!!!!! let your kingdom come!!!!
I can't help but laugh .. This must be what dancing through a storm is like !!
Makes menwant to stretch my arms out and throw my head back in it ...

 

[Powemm]

There's something comforting to me looking down and seeing a name at the bottom of this thread... Just to know someone is around ..
silly I guess, but when your alone going through a huge storm .. It matters ....
A lot !! Lol

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Not that I am commenting on another members stream of thought but...................
I am jealous.
I want to be in a cozy blanket on a screened in porch listening & watching the rain.
I miss those days.
I miss a lot of things.
I wonder if God ever gets sick of me whining about missing things?