enril

enril

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  • seoulsearch
    I was also thinking about how you said everything seems meaningless. I've felt this many times too. And when God told me I needed to keep going for other people, I told Him I didn't see how because I didn't feel like I could keep up with life myself. I was just reading Ps. 61:8 and thought of you: "Trust in Him at all times, you people; POUR OUT YOUR HEART BEFORE HIM."
    enril
    enril
    exactly, i am getting behind on shoolwork, lost in life, cant keep track of time, cant remember small things, wish i could end it all, but.
    i have a family, who it would cause so much pain. i have hardened to pain, and death. but they havent. i would have to do something quiet, far away, like, say, burn my body somewhere secret, just go missing, rather than let them see me.
    enril
    enril
    i have friends, and i know she would blame herself for it. but it wouldn't be. and i have things, things that could happen, and i would seek release in any way possible.
    but mostly, i feel that i have a future in missions, that will not happen if i do that.
    and i have to put others before myself.
    seoulsearch
    I wish there was more I could do to help. Please keep seeking someone to talk to, especially when are starting to feel overwhelmed. How do you feel about the changes coming to your life? Would it be ok if I put your name on the list of prayer requests in some groups I attend? I am praying that God will surround you with His love and make it more real to you than ever. <3
    enril
    enril
    changes. well, i have to remain strong, putting others above myself, my family doesn't even know that i am not happy with it, because i have to remain confident, have to stay firm.

    absolutely, please do.
    seoulsearch
    The devil wants us to feel too ashamed, too far gone, too much of a failure to go to God, but that's when His love for us really shines through. I know faith can be messy, but that's what keeps me believing -- the fact that no matter what mess I've made or gotten myself into, God still accepts me and loves me as I am. And I know He loves you.
    enril
    enril
    "its amazing that you can, love me as i am.
    and even when i can't, you still love me as i am.
    oh i dont know how you do it,
    and i know i've put you through it,
    it's amazing that you can, love me like i am."
    enril
    enril
    thank you.
    seoulsearch
    Hi Enril -- I know sometimes it probably seems like nothing, but I'll keep praying for you. I used to self-harm too. I hope God pulls you out of that as He did for me. No matter what sins we commit (and we all have habitual sins,) He wants us to come to Him about them, even when we feel at our worst. I am so sorry and concerned about you! I think you said you were talking to your youth pastor? I hope so.
    enril
    enril
    thank you. it does not ever seem like nothing. i remember all too well being without god. only months ago. but i fear that i may relapse to how i was then. i am slipping already.
    un momento, i remembered something.
    enril
    enril
    "sometimes the only way for God to use us is to tear us apart."
    seoulsearch
    Hi Enril! Things are going ok -- thanks for stopping by! I'm always a little more retrospective (i.e., moody! Lol!) in the dark, winter months. How have you been? Still praying for you! :)
    View previous comments…
    enril
    enril
    extremely confusing. and the worst part is that it only seems to forget good things, and some bad, but mostly good.
    My pastor has been going through the book of ecclesiastes, the pointlessness of toil, and all that, and it is only driving me deeper into that listless, empty feeling. like, what is the point of all this, it won't last into hevean, but i dont know how to prepare for being a missinarry, don't now if t
    enril
    enril
    the past is or can be a barrier, dont know how to be ready, don't know if my memory can be a problem, can't fix my memory, and in general am lost and confused.
    enril
    enril
    thanks fpr asking.
    praying for you too :)
    doesnt retrospective mean thinking past?
    i do that a lot too. where i pick up a book and fall into an almost trance, just remembering life before or during the darkness. and then wake up a few minutes later and just be like 'huh? oh, yeah, i was getting...' or when i hear a cetain song. y'know?
    and my life is getting disrupted soon.
    seoulsearch
    You're always welcome to drop a message on my profile wall if you need prayer. 🙏🏼🙂
    enril
    enril
    I am probably getting baptised soon.
    I have been feeling called to do missions, so I am working on being ready for that.
    seoulsearch
    Hey Enril, just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing?
    enril
    enril
    ok.
    been harming myself just a bit. once. wakes you up to feel steel in your flesh.
    i have a scar from that.
    i honestly hope i keep it. a reminder.
    slightly depressed. but working for change.
    enril
    enril
    hey. it really means the world for you to ask how i am doing.
    thank you.
    seoulsearch
    Lol! I think I'm going to need a bigger paddle. That pot keeps getting bigger and bigger! :D So glad you're feeling better! It's awesome to know we could be of some help. I kind of come and go as life gets busy but Lynx is almost always here, and I'm sure he'll be happy to chat with you if I'm not around. Thanks so much for the kind words! ❤️
    enril
    enril
    now you have somewhere to put it.
    thank you.
    enril
    enril
    can you teach me the recipie sometime?
    I would love to make some pot soup!
    enril
    my profile image explained.
    Heart:
    Black; for the darkness that has tainted us.
    Red; his blood, purifying us.
    White; what he has purified.
    Outer Circle:
    Black; for our sin we commit.
    Orange; for our burning guilt.
    Brown; for the dried husk we become.
    Blue; the icy clarity of our sin after the cycle.

    I just wanted to create my own.
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