Christian jokes

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J

joefizz

Guest
Let's disband our church over one thing that we don't like about church members that aren't in the church,that we won't discuss because we prefer to be of a "non confrontationtal" nature,let's all hold a pity party for our church too and since we are all gathered together in the church except for the people we don't like let's go home instead of still having church in order to serve God.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
5,040
441
83
The correctionf of God is not humor, nor intended to cause laughter from others due to the failures of others.

Some folks have said when God laughs at the feeble attempts of the enemy it is He demonstrating a sense of humor....I think not.

I have nothing against people having a merry time, but never at the expense of others, and especially never at the expense of the true lesson in the teachings from God, Himself.

The beam or plank in the eye of anyone, even an enemy, is hardly a joke or humorous......
Wow..... I bet you're a BLAST at family gatherings......:D

Love ya, bro....
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
1,055
164
63
"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control"
Joy should be a part of our Christian experience. We can try too hard and then be left with a sour attitude toward those who
do possess the Joy of the Lord since trying too hard would indicate a reliance on our own works and not His atonement.
Thank you Hornetguy
 

Socreta93

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2015
1,819
58
48
"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control"
Joy should be a part of our Christian experience. We can try too hard and then be left with a sour attitude toward those who
do possess the Joy of the Lord since trying too hard would indicate a reliance on our own works and not His atonement.
Thank you Hornetguy
 

Socreta93

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2015
1,819
58
48
The correctionf of God is not humor, nor intended to cause laughter from others due to the failures of others.

Some folks have said when God laughs at the feeble attempts of the enemy it is He demonstrating a sense of humor....I think not.

I have nothing against people having a merry time, but never at the expense of others, and especially never at the expense of the true lesson in the teachings from God, Himself.

The beam or plank in the eye of anyone, even an enemy, is hardly a joke or humorous......
Genesis 21:6

Sarah then said, “God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear of it will laugh with me.



Psalm 37:13 “…but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming.”


Psalm 126:2 “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”



 

tanakh

Senior Member
Dec 1, 2015
3,467
228
63
70
Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

Three Fathers were talking about their Sons

The first said I called my Son Andrew because he was born on St Andrew's Day
The second said mine was named Patrick because he was born on St Patrick's Day
The third said my Son was born on Pancake Day
 

Pemican

Senior Member
Sep 27, 2014
771
52
28
Never Argue With Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
 

Pemican

Senior Member
Sep 27, 2014
771
52
28
How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
 

dcontroversal

Senior Member
Dec 12, 2013
30,447
1,451
113
How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
You forgot COC.......2...one to baptize the lightbulb and the elder to place it in it's place................. ;) oooopppppppsss no I didn't ....... yes he did.....