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FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived.
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and
Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said,
'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it
before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds,
'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued,
'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter,
who waves him up, and says,
'Now that you have had a chance to think
the questions over, tell me your answers'
Forrest replied,
'Well, the first one --
which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
Shucks, that one is easy.
That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and
he exclaimed,
'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
you do have a point, and
I guess I did not specify, so
I will give you credit for that answer.'
'How about the next one?' asked St. Peter
'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but
I thunk and thunk about that, and
I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said,
'Twelve? Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied,
'Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
'I see where you are going with this, and
I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but
I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied,
'it's Andy.'
'Andy?'
exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,'
Forrest replied.
'I learnt it from the song,
'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN..' '
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
'Run Forrest, run!'
Healthy Christians
Bert and Ernie are two Christians who have lived very good and healthy lives.
They die and arrive in heaven. Walking along one of the golden streets and marvelling at all the paradise around them, Ernie turns to Bert and says, "Wow! I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this."
"Yeah", says Bert. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran, we could have gotten here ten years earlier."
Bert and Ernie are two Christians who have lived very good and healthy lives.
They die and arrive in heaven. Walking along one of the golden streets and marvelling at all the paradise around them, Ernie turns to Bert and says, "Wow! I never knew heaven was going to be as good as this."
"Yeah", says Bert. "And just think, if we hadn't eaten all that oat bran, we could have gotten here ten years earlier."
Here's one for all you married men: (women aren't allowed to read this one)
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
M
Here's one for all you married men: (women aren't allowed to read this one)
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
S
Here's one for all you married men: (women aren't allowed to read this one)
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
Wife Appreciation Sunday
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, Causing God to ask, "What's wrong with you, Adam?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to. So God announced that he was going to give him a companion; a woman. "A woman?" Adam replied.
Then God described her, "She will be someone to cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to care for them. This woman will not nag you and will always be the first to admint when she is wrong. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it.
"What is she going to cost me, God?" Adam asked.
"An arm and a leg,"God responded.
Adam thought for a moment and asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
hahahhaha sounds about right ya