~Chuckle for the Day~

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Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
a juggler driving to his next performance is stopped by the police. the cop asks, "what are those knives doing in your car"? driver says, "i juggle them in my act". cop says, "oh yeah, let's see you do it". so the juggler starts juggling the knives. a guy driving by sees this & says, "wow, am i glad i quit drinking, look at the test they make you do now"!
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
8,708
4,539
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Bill lives in San Luis Obispo, California. He was sick of the world, sick of Covid, Trump, the "My Pillow" guy, Russia , China, global warming, street crime, fentanyl, illegal immigrants, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Bill drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window, as best he could. He got back into his car, wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle.

Five days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Bill from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

Bill is a registered Democrat.

facepalm-monkey.jpg hippy.gif
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
i did my best card trick for God & when i was done, He said, "i know how you did that"!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
the trouble with telling a good story is that it reminds the other guy of a dull one.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
8,708
4,539
113
>> DOLPHIN TRAINER
>>
>> An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car.
>>
>> Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look
>> what you did to my car” he yells. You’re gonna give me $10,000 right
>> now or I’m gonna beat you to a bloody pulp!”
>>
>> “Oh my” says the old man, I don’t have that kind of money. Let me
>> call my son, he trains dolphins and he’ll know what to do."
>>
>> "Dolphins", the other driver huffs, while rolling his eyes. The old
>> man pulls out his phone, dials his son and just as the son answers,
>> the irate man snatches the phone away from the old man.
>>
>> "So, YOU’RE a dolphin trainer, huh? Well, your old man here just rear
>> ended my car and I need ten grand right now or I’m gonna beat you AND
>> your old man to a bloody pulp".
>>
>> "I’ll be there in 10 minutes, says the voice calmly on the other end".
>>
>> Exactly ten minutes later a jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and
>> proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a bloody heap on the
>> side of the road.
>>
>> When he’s finished, he walks over to his father and says:
>>
>> “For the LAST TIME Dad... I train SEALS... NAVY SEALS... NOT dolphins”


facepalm-monkey.jpg 61988.gif



 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
doctor: "the check you gave me for my bill came back".
patient: "so did my arthritis"!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
lots of good jokes there. reminds me of long ago when i was telling someone how great my g.f & i were getting along at that time. an older lady heard me say, " we get along great, i work during the day, she works at night, it's great, i never see her"!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
son: "dad, this magazine tells me my birthstone is the ruby, what's your's"?
dad: "the grindstone"!
 

Zandar

Well-known member
May 16, 2023
1,396
551
113
So these two old men were walking by a pond and a frog floating there says, Hey! If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. One of them snatches the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The other one catches up to him and says, aren't you going to kiss it? The old man replies, At my age I'd rather have the talking frog.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,806
8,516
113
So these two old men were walking by a pond and a frog floating there says, Hey! If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. One of them snatches the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The other one catches up to him and says, aren't you going to kiss it? The old man replies, At my age I'd rather have the talking frog.
That must be the guy who is so old that he doesn't even buy green bananas.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,134
921
113
father: "don't you think our son gets all his brains from me"?
mother: "probably, i still have all mine".