Clean jokes.

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gb9

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2011
11,802
6,360
113
#21
the bear thing above made me remember this one: two guys out hiking and they stumble across a bear. the bear begins to chase them. guy no.1 says " man, I don't think we can outrun this bear". guy no.2 says " I don't have to outrun the bear I just have to out run you!!"
 

Pemican

Senior Member
Sep 27, 2014
954
234
43
#23
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb.





Only one, but the bulb has to want to change.
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
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63
Indiana
#24
In another car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to the Kremlin from his house. He told the chauffer, "Look we are running late so let me drive. I insist." So He told the Chaufer to get in the back and he drove. Meanwhile the police were given strict orders to ticket anyone speeding no matter how important. So they were speeding down Moscow and two motorcycle cops pulled them over but didn't ticket him after he saw who it was. He goes back to the station and talks about it and was asked, "Why didn't you ticket him? "Too important." "Who was it?" "I didn't recognize him, but his driver was Gorbachev!"
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#25
Castro was making a speech to a large assembly. Someone out in the crowd said, "peanuts popcorn crackerjack." This happened about 4 times. So Castro gets annoyed and says, the next man who says that gets deported to Miami. The entire crowd stands up and yells, "POPCORN! PEANUTS! CRACKERJACK!"
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
113
#26
what do you call a bear with no teeth? a gummy bear!

what do you call an alligator in a vest? an investigator!

what do you call a dog in summer? a hot dog!

^_^
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#27
Two men, an American and a Russian were argueing. One said, in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say "Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!" The Russian said "I can do that too!"
"really?"
"Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!"

last 3 jokes by none other then Ronald Reagan
 
B

BurdenBarer4U

Guest
#28
This is one joke on how not to make a sandwich,
but will make you laugh 15 times until you cry!
[video=youtube;bS1ePEZZCDY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS1ePEZZCDY[/video]
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
25,073
13,083
113
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#29
Question: What is the difference between Catholics and Baptists?

Answer: Catholics will actually acknowledge each other at the liquor store.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
25,073
13,083
113
58
#30
Question: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

Answer: It gets toad away.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
25,073
13,083
113
58
#31
Question: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

Answer: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup."
 
M

missy2014

Guest
#32
Ive dated a baboon before but he left me hanging
I dated a shark he bite my head off
The last dude had a real temper he was explosive I kinda got burnt like he was so angry he was spewing I think they call it lava?

Anyway Im just your average girl ive had alot of experience with dating.
 
M

missy2014

Guest
#33
my mum was tired at night one time we were playing a board game with us and we i cant remember i think we had to add or subtract for the points and it was like a simple thing I think she had to add a new score like 8 points plus five points she got real annoyed with me cause she was getting it wrong and couldnt add it up I was laughing at her but it was so funny I said like " oh my gosh you cant add 8+4?
 

penknight

Senior Member
Jan 6, 2014
811
26
28
#36
What do you call it when a hunter shoots a duck another hunter was aiming for?

A foul.
 

penknight

Senior Member
Jan 6, 2014
811
26
28
#37
I like your profile picture missy.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
25,073
13,083
113
58
#39
Question: Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?

Answer: Don't worry he's "ALRIGHT" now!
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
25,073
13,083
113
58
#40
A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."