Lovesong Poetry

No..I refuse

I don't want to be like you,
I don't want to lose my soul,
I don't want to be heartless,
I like pity, I like compassion,
I love, love.
I love my father God,
I don't want to lose him..
he was here first.

you are too cruel to me,
you are never going to be kind,
you are always going to be ashamed of me,
you are never going to change..
You are never going to really love me...
I don't want your rotten fruit..

..I refuse.

This is not love at all...
this is not what I want, I don't want this..
I don't want you, I can't be with you..
Go find someone as shallow as you,
they will be perfect for you..

just leave me alone...​

You can actually find someone
pretty fast, it's easy for you..
and you have before,
someone who will fit your lifestyle..
that is what you need,
Love is easy to find, its everywhere.

you are not a faithful person nor the epitome of love,
you will never be god, either..

you have never appreciated
any woman you have ever came in
contact with.
You have never looked at them with respect
or with real love in your heart, because honestly
you don't know what it's all about, or even where
it comes from..
You only expected them to be strong enough
to carry you, but they aren't God...
God is the love you wanted, and needed,
his love will never fail you because it is perfect..

I told you, I can't do this with you,
you put me through hell, making me think one day you'd come for me,
or at least be yourself and reach out to me as yourself, then I would
hold up my end and be as strong as I could for you..
I have been wishing, wanting, for something I thought would get better..

I really did my best, I lasted a long time with you
ashamed of me, without being able to hold your hand...
I waited for you because I believed you...

..I did trust you.

you took away my worth, my dignity, ..I gave you everything,
my heart, even my mind..

and you crushed every single bit of it..

you see something wrong with this picture?
so much has been taken away from my life,
while I had given you life,
I don't want to be with you anymore..

I need a real Christian believer, unashamed, of God,
and unashamed of me.

love is not hard to find, its just hard to wait for, that's all,

You already changed for someone else, you refuse to do it again,
that is your attitude..
its that simple..

I don't want to change you, go live your life..

Your tears are a lie,
every word you say is a lie to me,
every touch is also a filthy lie,

if you really love me, you are going to have to prove it from now on,
I want something real...I need proof

It's over,
just let it go.
you never seen a future with me anyway..
because you don't want one with me
its because you really don't love me.


​

Ville Valo,

you need to stop

doing this..

its not too late for you

it is only because you want it that way..
you didn't know what you were doing before..

you refuse to acknowledge God

you refuse to admit you were wrong

You have to stop,

I Don't want you to go to hell, if you don't stop
that is where you are going...that is why I am saying this..
You don't have to..

you have to stop

You can, do all things through Christ who strengthens you..
​

Dear Ville Valo,

God loves you.

He will not give up on you,

he will prove his love for you,
with real miraculous supernatural signs
just for your faith, and your personal
relationship with him.

because he knows how hard it is for you,
he wants you to be free, healed, and to live with him forever.

Expect these good things.
​

I am sorry

that I have said cruel things to you earlier,
but you have to know how I feel,
I really need more than this,
I have to know how you feel too, its important to me..

I forgive you for everything..

because I like you, because I love you,
because it hurts me, when I know you are hurting.

I hope you will forgive me one day,
I am sorry.
​

Guillotine
By: Lowanla (me)

My mind has gone,
to where I do not know.
it is a worthy price to pay,
for my heart is happy again.

It had only been a day, and
I knew I had begun missing something.
Then I felt your sorrow,
then I knew your pain,
it cut through my heart
like a piercing sword,
that's when I knew I could
not allow the grey sky to
continue on to rain,
for I love you, I love you.

I am in love.
Why must I be afraid?
Are they coming for me?
Is this the last time I shall breathe?
Why must I be so ashamed?

Let them come,
let me pay,
for causing you pain,
let them end my tyranny.
for every tear, I caused,
for all your sorrow and grief..
..and shame.

let them come,
for I am suffering in wait
without you
I am suffering in pain, and so very lonely.
without the sweeter touch;
floating all the way down to the guillotine;
where I shall sleep my final sleep,
where the world stops and lets me off.
Just for loving you.

Without love there is no real peace;
my heart has been slain;
every beat comes with love starved hunger pangs;
my mind follows to the guillotine.

I shall let the world know why my heart sings.
I am in love again.

Its a worthy price to pay,
where my castles fall, one touch
makes this heart so easy.
I'm in love waiting in line at the guillotine.​

I sleep in
by: Lowanla (me)

every night I feel
tingling warmth rushing
through the back of my head,
and breathing down my neck,
I feel a numbing presence, similar to
a wool blanket covering me,
sometimes it feels like fire burning me,
when it gets close enough to touch me,
what is happening to me?
I've tried to fight it,
I've tried to deny it,
but I'm not as strong as I seem,
I'm comfortably lonely,
with you holding me,
a torment where I feel alone
Is this love that I am feeling?

won't someone help me?
Someone please tell me I am crazy,
someone tell me to stop writing,
tell me how to stop feeling,
tell me how to be stronger,
someone bind my arms and break my hands,
with a hammer and nails,
maybe I need a lobotomy..
shall I take a blunt object,
to stop feeling..
to stop hurting,
to stop being so lonely,
to stop suffering,

someone help me.

I sleep in for more of this feeling,
like an addiction it is killing,
half my day, I long for more
I sleep in..

it's hurting me..
God can you hear me..
help me.

​

good feeling
by: Lowanla (me)

You make me feel loved
and so dearly needed
i feel like the center of attention
you make me feel warm
and completed

You give me that good feeling

at the same time
I feel rejected,
unwanted and ashamed of,
anxious,
tormented,
without control
used when I don't want to
Disrespected
i feel like I am burning
when you get closer i feel your cold
consuming my heart

You take my peace
i take your anxiety
Do you know what you are doing,
When you give me these feelings?

I take them all,
for more of that good feeling
​

What Faith Can Do
by: Kutless

---
It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise


[video=youtube_share;WiBNkZHOBI8]http://youtu.be/WiBNkZHOBI8[/video]​

well even though this is tough
on my heart,
I think I should let go of this thread
for reals this time..

Hopefully I will..
it's just lonely and empty,
and I am getting extremely depressed lol

The last words I want to leave
with you is..

I love you...
I have never stopped.
Don't think I can stop.
I really do. Take care of yourself..​

Monster
By: Lowanla (me)


I will always be more monster than you..
The out cast, the worthless, the rejected, the unwanted,
the thief, the savage, the one who's out to get you,
i'm the one who's out to get you
monster


ever since I was born,
you knew I would be a problem
so you follow me home
'was taught from day one I would have
to embrace all your fears, your hate,
paranoia, romantic stereotypes
taught your children all your fears
You knew I was going to start a war
I'm the monster you couldn't kill
even though you tried
But I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here


Follow me in the store cause you know I would steal
'she has no good motivations don't trust her'
Throwing cigarettes and beer cans at me while you
chase me down the road cause you hate me
I'm not allowed in your state,
you intend to keep it that way
Ostracize, demonize, my skin do I hurt your perfect
blue and green eyes, do I remind you, do I remind you?
i don't want your pity nor patronize
just want to survive
you

I don't look you in the eye because
i know you don't trust me anyway,
You broke my spirit...
i see now how you taught me
how I will see me
...for the rest of my life
You can't sit by me because of the my skin
because you want perfection
you are afraid, you hate, ashamed,

i try to do the right thing
even the perfect Christian
but I'm so broken
feel so worthless
Without a spirit
barely alive...

Survivor

I'm the monster
who still alive​

what I said there
has always been a bitterness
embedded in my heart
and growing up I always felt
like I had no reason for being here
ever since I knew what people thought of me
I felt numb and dead
But God had always been faithful
He constantly reminds me
he is working in my life
He's got a plan for me
without God I am nothing
With God I am somebody.

I am learning how to be worth something
​

Walking Away
by: Lowanla (me)

been holding onto this
for a very long time
All my hurt and shame
were my closest allies
never understood why

gotta let it all go
let it fly to my father
casting all my cares
letting go of my fear and hate
take them all away

learning how to forgive
all that has been
cause I want to freely live
I'm walking away
from the past

I'm going to let go
I'm gonna forgive
so that I can move forward
I'm gonna forgive
I'm gonna let this part of me die
so I can walk my journey
so that I can find my life​

I don't hate you...
I'm just trying to heal
I'm trying to get past all my bad feelings
By letting my bitterness go
it is really a hard thing to do

It is hard not to be angry
and hold a grudge
I just need to restore my
heart some more

I'm sorry I have ever made you feel bad.
that is the last thing I want to do (really)
I think that's why I push you away because
i think you won't love me anymore if I mess up
which is something I tend to do a lot
I just think you would never be able to forgive me

I'm sorry I keep saying I won't come back
to this page, and I do
I guess I don't want to stop talking to you

I think I will still come to see you
Because I want to
I'm kind of excited for this
I feel good about it​

Everyone messes up
Everyone has a past
everyone has their problems
so what?

I just want you,
these things don't stop me from loving you
they might detour things
for a few days but,
there is nothing you can do
To stop me from loving you
every time you are away
I think of you
evey time you come back
I'm relieved, the one person
im in love with has come back to me


I wish I could erase all of the hateful
things, but they won't let me
but I suppose it's a good reminder
for me to grow up and have more grace and
practice patience with you

You are my friend,
And I'm always in love with you
every time you come back Im relieved
I felt so lost without you
thats how much I need you
And you are the one that I want​