Lovesong Poetry

Faithful
by: Lowanla (me)

Waiting for something real
since I was a child I made a promise
I'd save myself for that guy
Can't you see?
Its not just for show
that I am walking this road alone

Someday I'll find him,
the one who's waiting for me
and I say
I was waiting for you
and I fell along the way
so I picked myself up
and dusted off my feet

I know I failed you, but I
want to be everything
you hoped and dreamed
I hope you can accept me
to be better than I use to be

let no flattering words,
nor blinding feelings detour me
I wanna wait for you - for whom?
I don't want nobody else who don't want me
I want to wait for you - for whom?

I want to be faithful
to person that will find me
I want save myself for his smile
I want to give him everything
has ever dreamed

I want to be faithful
I want to prove how much I can be
I want him to know me
I want to be everything I can be
with no shame, no remorse, regret,
I want to do my best
to save myself, be faithful
to the one I cannot see

So with my shamed, stained hands,
please take whats left of this heart of glass

with every bit of little integrity
..I want him to know
how much he means to me

I want to be faithful

​

Its not the same
By: Lowanla (me)

It's not good to have only a fourth of a person,
I want to have everything,
so I can give everything good to the man I am
Fully committing my body, heart and soul over to,
the man I am going to marry

That man will get every part of me

I don't want to be partially loved
half given self over to one man who says he loves me
only to realize he does not love me entirely

I don't want what little you have for me
if you don't intend to be with me
I reject you, and I cast you away
I want none of you at all
because you would not entirely

because I would die, and sacrifice my life
and take your place so you can have
a future and a hope,
which is precious to God my father
to save yours,

I would destroy my dreams and give up my future
and pray for you everyday
that you would have one

I would seek out everything that ever made you happy
because that is the kind of person I want to be..

I want to be fully loved
given everything to one man alone
to the man who would hold my hand,
touch my spirit and my soul,

I would not save it for the man who
only gave part of himself away to me
thinking that this is okay, its not okay
there is nothing wonderful about it

Its not fair to the man who will really love me,
who is giving himself entirely away

I don't want any part of a man, no matter
how much he says he loves me,
or tries to make me believe,

its not the same...

with only a quarter of man beside me
​

I'm Yours
by: Lowanla (me)

I'm yours only

for as long as you
will have me.

That's just the way it has to be,
that is the way I see,
I refuse to see anybody,
because I am in your arms,
and you refuse to let go of me,
I've lost all my strength,
and fighting ability,
I can't even remember me,

I'm so happy..

You can have all of me,
take all till there is nothing,
I love thee

So go ahead take everything,
expect everything, including my heart
and whatever it takes to make you happy.

I don't want anybody,
but you
For ..forever ​

The End
by: Lowanla (me)

Sometimes things have to fade
if holding on was only hurting
sometimes you gotta let go
and move on
if things were never working

there is no point pulling the wagon
if the other has lost interest
Or love has become an agonizing torment,
instead of happy blessed union

Some things aren't meant to be
somethings have to end
sometimes you gotta let them go
so that they can be free
If you want to be free

Its not the end of the world
if something is over
doesn't mean you are a failure
It means you are trying to help yourself

maybe
they were pushed
beyond their limitation
trying to please you but failed
like you knew they would
maybe you were waiting for them to fail you..
even though they did everything they could..

maybe they aren't the one you want
not if you have to force them to love you.
Maybe that's why you don't want them anymore
because you know this as truth.

If they do,
they will come on their own
freely, to you.

Love will come for you,
it's everywhere you look
you just need to appreciate the
ones who make the effort to stand next to you
those are the ones who really love you...​

I know that I hurt you,
Just when you started to believe
I failed you,

I know you don't want to hear another sorry
but you keep coming back to me,
so I will say it again
even if you hate me
for hurting you, I regret it

I never lied about the I love you's, I still do.
Tell me, what do you want me to do?
I'm losing you, and I'm despairing
instead of being strong for you,
I pushed you away because I am a coward,

I don't know what else to tell you..​

If you are going to cut me off
then cut me off entirely
don't come to me and
hold onto me to comfort me
or to comfort yourself
because you are confusing me..
making me think you still want
to be with me..
I am going to believe you every time
because I'm in love you...and I want to
be with you, and I want it to work out.
I'm not waiting for nothing you know..
I'm waiting for you, I will always be waiting for you.

I still plan to come to see you...
I will come to support you.
I lost my temper, and I got angry at you
because I want more than what you are giving
I wanted you entirely, I love you,
and I believe that you are capable of
being that person that I want to be with,
because you already are that person to me.

I love you and I'm losing you,
you know, It felt like that every single day
from the first day I admitted to you that I loved you,
because every single fear, doubt and insecurity,
would attack my mind, it doesn't help that I am
the most insecure person it the world.

Being without you never helped either,
I tried to be strong, but I am not perfect,
You can't expect me to take everything you give me
and smile all the time.. because I'm just like you...

It feels like that now,
but you are going to know how I feel,
even if it isn't always a kind word,
I will always try to do my best, I can only give you
my best,

You don't bring out the worst in me, you bring out the best,
You are the reason I am a better person,
knowing that you love me, is the reason I want to see you so bad,
You are the reason I want to try harder,
I have changed for the better so much these past few years because of you.

I love you, so I wanted to say less cruel things, I wanted to do my best
to lift you up, I wanted to write so many love songs and poems to you.

Just to let you know i appreciate your love for me..

I don't know what you want me to do, to prove how much
I want to see you, but I will believe you every time,

I just hope you can give me a little grace, for my own weaknesses..​

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. - Psalm 32:7

Dad, My dad
You lift my eyes and you give me peace
you rescue me from trouble
You are my shelter from this world
You are my freedom from peril

You give me wisdom when I have none
You give me extra love to be able to love others
You give me all the best most loving words to say
Your joy is my strength to fight for love another day
Jesus is the truth, the life, and the only way

You make a way where there is no way
you are good and your mercy endures forever
I will praise you forevermore for the rest of my days
you are my hiding place

I will flee from everyone
I will run to Heaven
into the throne room where I am welcome
where I sing my greatest concert to a perfect audience of one
God you are my God
and your way is perfect
you are a beautiful beyond all compare
I want to be with you forever

For you show me how much love and mercy you have
through and for the many people that touch my life and my heart..
and how you want everyone of them to be with you.

Even though the darkness covers the world
Your light will shine brighter
and cover the universe.​

I regret saying that I wished I was dead and that I wish I didn't exist..
I never meant that, I just blew up and lost my temper, back there..

The truth is I want to live, to fulfill whatever plan God has for my life,
a weird idea I had in mind for God's plan to prove myself to him was,
to die for him as a martyr. That way I would feel like I was worth something,
that way I would earn his love for me, I would earn my way..

I can't earn my way to Heaven by being a martyr,

I earn my way into Heaven by accepting Jesus Christ, and what he did for me
on the cross by taking my place.

So I apologize to you beautiful precious people who stumble on this page
and have to read my bumbling words and roll your eyes...at my ..bumblings..

I appreciate you for taking your time to read these,
and I thank you.​

How to Get to Heaven
How to Get to God

It doesn't take a million rosaries,
I doesn't take a billion Hail Mary's,
It doesn't take a rocket ship,
It doesn't take being a martyr,
It doesn't take a sacrifice,
It doesn't take the Pope,
It doesn't take a balloon,
It doesn't take a Bishop,
It doesn't take a Saint,
It doesn't take a Christian,
It doesn't take symbols or crosses,
It doesn't take an angel,
It doesn't take working your way up,
It doesn't take being the cleanest,
It doesn't take having the cleanest hands,
Your mom and dad can't get you to Heaven
Your good works can't get you to Heaven
Your friends who know God can't get you to Heaven

There is only one who can get you to Heaven
Only one who should be held onto to the very end,

The only one who says
"Do your worst, I'll still love you,
I will still be your friend,
Come dine with me at the dinner table,
I've set a place just for you.
I see your heart, come be with me,
I can set you free, I can set you free."

The one who is your friend, and advocates for you
before God's throne of Judgement

Jesus​

Where death is your victory?
Where death is your power to hurt?
Death gets its power to hurt from sin,
and sin gets its power from the law..
- 1 Cor 15:55-56

Vampire
by: Lowanla (me)

I don't know why you are allowed to
come to me every night..
I don't know why you are allowed to
get close enough for an embrace,
even for a kiss (it doesn't hurt really,
but I know you are trying to hurt me..)

you tell me that you can kill the light
inside of me,
I guess you had so many victories
that you are proud..

...I thought you loved me..
I guess I believed everything I felt..

You can't kill the Holy Spirit
who lives on the inside of me
He is the very spirit of God himself,
who is my God
Who loves me and will not let me die.
Even when I hated my life,
even when I tried to commit suicide..
I really didn't want to die..
I just didn't know that God is in love with my life,
he loves every life, that is taken.

God loves me,
he will not let me die
and you cannot drown this fire,
you cannot kill this light.

You will always be burnt
by these flames,
You will only feel agony and suffering
every time you come close to me,
because your intentions for me are evil,
because of your hatred for me,

O yes, you can probably try
but of you keep going on this path,
you are going to witness everything
around you be destroyed,
and then you will be destroyed
by God's hand..

because God loves me,
he bought me with a price.
Death has to pass over me
because my heart has been painted
with the blood of Christ.

So I am learning to appreciate my life,
no matter what is stolen from me.

I will live and not die.
​

***EDIT*** (I realize my spelling mistakes and try to fix them then find more after the 5 min cut off.. *** EDIT***
(of = if)


Where death is your victory?
Where death is your power to hurt?
Death gets its power to hurt from sin,
and sin gets its power from the law..
- 1 Cor 15:55-56

Vampire
by: Lowanla (me)

I don't know why you are allowed to
come to me every night..
I don't know why you are allowed to
get close enough for an embrace,
even for a kiss (it doesn't hurt really,
but I know you are trying to hurt me..)

you tell me that you can kill the light
inside of me,
I guess you had so many victories
that you are proud..

...I thought you loved me..
I guess I believed everything I felt..

You can't kill the Holy Spirit
who lives on the inside of me
He is the very spirit of God himself,
who is my God
Who loves me and will not let me die.
Even when I hated my life,
even when I tried to commit suicide..
I really didn't want to die..
I just didn't know that God is in love with my life,
he loves every life, that is taken.

God loves me,
he will not let me die
and you cannot drown this fire,
you cannot kill this light.

You will always be burnt
by these flames,
You will only feel agony and suffering
every time you come close to me,
because your intentions for me are evil,
because of your hatred for me,

O yes, you can probably try
but if you keep going on this path,
you are going to witness everything
around you be destroyed,
and then you will be destroyed
by God's hand..

because God loves me,
he bought me with a price.
Death has to pass over me
because my heart has been painted
with the blood of Christ.

So I am learning to appreciate my life,
no matter what is stolen from me.

I will live and not die.​

I know the consequences of the spoken word
even to let myself be heard,
but I can't live my life in fear,
I can't live my life in shame,
nor can I allow myself to continue to be tormented,
and to feel alone.

Its Not Okay! It will never be okay!

I didn't want to do this to you,
but you wouldn't stop,
I warned you,

I spent years in silence being tortured with
torments like this and I have never ever said a thing,
I am finally letting my voice be heard
this is the only way I can be free.

Nobody should be silent
nobody should be afraid
nobody should be in fear
nobody should be hidden
nobody should be controlled nor manipulated..

The way to be free is to be heard..
the way to be free is to confess.
​

...I just want to be left alone..

I don't want to be treated like this..

I can't save you, I can't give you freedom..

I can't love you the way you want to be loved..

Only God can do that for you..

I don't want to chase after you

because you can't be seen with me..

You couldn't even tell me that it was you...

all those times...every time, I always knew it was you..

were you shocked and surprised that time I asked you,

and you denied it...I could feel what you felt..

that's how i knew,

but I played along just in case

one day you would be brave..

I took all of it..because I wanted to be with you..
​

did you know it hurts my feelings
when you flip me off,
I know partially sometimes I deserve that...
but it still hurts me,
even when you curse at me,
it hurts my feelings when you
deny that you believe,

I never asked for this...

did you know it hurts my feelings when
I hear that you kiss someone else,
or that you sleep with them,
and at the same time...
I can feel you holding onto me...
that night..
At the same time!!!

did you know that breaks my heart,
did you know that crushes me,

How dare you say you love me..
how dare you touch me..

How could you..

how could you hurt me..

its not okay..I'm not okay..

I'm not okay like this..

it hurts so much...

it hurts because I can't escape you

I can't be free from you..

How could you be angry at me for lying..

You lied too!

How could you hold onto me

How can you be with me?

if you are living with someone else!?

Let me go!

....Leave me alone..

You can't even say my name..

I don't want to feel you anymore..

because you are a hypocrite..

because you are a Christian..

and you are ashamed...
​

You are a Christian
and you are already free..
and you are going to Heaven..

I know you made mistakes and sinned..
but there is grace and forgiveness that God
has for you.. just ask him to forgive you
in Jesus name.

those scars, chains,
walls, the jail cell, addictions,
physical manifestations, demons,
even the lie that you keep falling...anything
that kept you bound

are the lies.

Your eyes were opened to the truth
but you are still bound because you
don't have a revelation of the word
you probably know the bible from beginning
to end but you don't have a revelation of it,

you don't have the Holy Spirit...that's why
you need him, you need to be baptized

but you already are free..

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. - Revelation 21:5​