Lovesong Poetry

My thoughts: (My self destructive ways)​

Looking back at my writing, I look so miserable and unhappy, chasing after someone I know
does not want to be with me, is ashamed of me, and is using me. I know this isn't good for me.​

I almost started to feel sorry for myself,
for how I have been treated in my relationship- rejected, mistreated, lonely, alone and even made to look ashamed of as if I am not good enough. (no woman nor man should ever be treated that badly, in a relationship. Thats why its best to wait for a personal physical relationship, especially a Christian one, regardless there is no such
thing as sudden love, there is a love that grows probably..)​

to wait ...for someone who will treat you as special as you treat them, who will run to be with you,
in every single way, physical and spiritual. I can see that, and I want that.​

Its not the first time I have been made to feel rejected by someone I cared about, I'm sure it won't be the last.
However it makes me realize why God let me go through this, he didn't cause this of course,
but I can see why..​

I am so afraid to hurt people and tell them no, when they push and pull me a part, and I feel so terrible when I've hurt them, I beat myself up so much,
I even hate myself and tear my own self a part for hurting them, (and the other person could care less how much I hate myself for it) I have such a low self worth and
self esteem, how could they let me continue to beat myself up that way, ...that is in no way love at all...​

they do not love me...​

I say so little because I feel so bad for even saying anything at all, I'm so afraid to break them.
(I can be very arrogant a times too, but thats my anger coming out all at once)​

..I don't deserve this bad relationship, regardless how it makes the other person feel,
if he loved me, he'd be with me, because I am worth it.​

I am worth more than they will ever know, and they will never know because I truly wish
I could be with someone who would be good to me.​

Jesus was rejected too, so I don't feel so bad. He is going to show me off to the world,
if I am alone until he comes, because I am his, I belong to Jesus. I was reminded of that today.​

I have been feeling pretty worthless a lot lately, I wondered what guy would ever want me now, because what I was doing and sacrificing...The Holy Spirit gave me this memory from my mom who said. "You are worth your weight in gold." (means - a guy should treat you like gold because you are precious.) Then this song kept playing over and over in my head. God was telling me it was okay to want something better and it was okay to want more than what I had been getting. I am worth a lot to Christ, and one day I would be worth a lot to someone else, I feel so good today dwelling on that. ​

"Beautiful For Me"
Lyrics by Nichole Nordeman​

http://youtu.be/TTm6OiNJVp4​

Every girl young and old
has to face her own reflection
Twirl around,
stare it down
What’s the mirror gonna say?​

With some luck, you’ll measure up
But you might not hold a candle
to the rest
“Is that your best?”
says the mirror to the mess
But there’s a whisper in the noise
Can you hear a little voice
and he says​

"Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Oh ‘Cuz everything about you is incredible!
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you ​

beautiful for me"​

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
What my life and what’s inside to give him something to behold
I want a heart that’s captivating
I wanna hear my Father say​

"Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Oh ‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you ​

beautiful for me​

Close your eyes
Look inside
Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide
Long ago, I made you so very beautiful
So I ought to know
you’re beautiful​

"Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Yeah
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful
You’re so beautiful
Beautiful for me
So beautiful for me​

Has anybody told you?​

"Tip for the mouse
...never trust a lion, cause he's a lyin." - quote by 'unknown'​

Decieved - 'Bait and Switch' type of love,
- by Lowanla (me)​

Reacting as harmless as a graceful pure dove,
in a passionate flame of emotional flattery,
Forboding preparation of tragic blinding love.
a tragic innocent romance is not all as it seems.​

Caculating the sweetest motivations like
the wisest most crafty serpent,
There is a precious sacrifice to be made,
Its all written down in beloved's prophetic fate.
mislead love would fall straight into Hells gate.
If love had refused to see, would've known too late.​

(Stares straight into her dream, into his eyes, then looks down
as tears fall to the floor)​

Then in you, there was no love at all,
but an attempt to please a darker master,
it hurts when blind eyes opened reveal
that she's being decieved and lied to,
lead straight toward a fallen disaster.​

Its so cold..
numbness returns
it hurts..
and this become to me,
a powerful lesson learned.​

Tell me...
was there any love truly,
in that cold blackened heart at all?
would you have done it?
Would you have seduced me into taking that fall?​

Of course you would,
for there was no true love for me.
You have shown no courage nor nobility.​

Begone,
for all privilage of me you have lost,
begone,
this trickery has left you a great cost,​

true love, I loved you, truly
I lost so much and many future dreams,
because of you
all these years,
and you know this.​

I have remained the faithful one
as you continued to turn your tail and betrayed me
but I loved you and have not held it against you.​

I have found hope
for you
regardless,
there is hope for you
out of all this mess​

but I must cut off my hand metaphorically,
and leave you to find your faith alone in your distress,​

you are now on your own.
to figure that out.​

still I wish you true different love (someone else),
for I still truly love you always,
against what you've done to me,​

I still believe in you,
I still want you to have faith,
I still want you to be free
the right way..​

but I don't want to see you facing me,​

for you have lost a great something,​

you have lost love...​

you have lost me.​

- Goodbye my love, my dream, ​

I forgive you of everything, farewell.​

Take the Long Way Home - by Supertramp

So you think you're a Romeo
playing a part in a picture-show
Take the long way home
Take the long way home

Cos you're the joke of the neighborhood
Why should you care if you're feeling good
Take the long way home
Take the long way home

But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery
all the greenery is comin' down, boy
And then your wife seems to think you're part of the
furniture oh, it's peculiar, she used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights
you take a trip to the city lights
And take the long way home
Take the long way home

You never see what you want to see
Forever playing to the gallery
You take the long way home
Take the long way home

And when you're up on the stage, it's so unbelievable,
unforgettable, how they adore you,
But then your wife seems to think you're losing your sanity,
oh, calamity, is there no way out?

Does it feel that you life's become a catastrophe?
Oh, it has to be for you to grow, boy.
When you look through the years and see what you could
have been oh, what might have been,
if you'd had more time.

So, when the day comes to settle down,
Who's to blame if you're not around?
You took the long way home
You took the long way home...........​