oral sex in marriage

as a side note to this discussion, i am a bit surprised so many who feel it is wrong to even discuss this subject here. there have been a few people who have either stated plainly or intimated that it should only be discussed in private, and i am a bit mystified by this.

in fact, a verse that has been both referenced both directly and indirectly is Ephesians 5:12, in support of not discussing the subject of oral sex. I believe this is being used incorrectly, and would like to offer my understanding of this passage:

5:12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. NKJ

i believe the context of this passage plays a critical role in interpreting this verse correctly, both the audience, and the intent of the message. for the sake of time, focusing specifically on this verse, i think it's particularly helpful to look at this passage as it would be in the rough/literal translation and order of the greek, which would be:

the things done in secret by them, it is a shame even to speak of

the "things" are the "unfruitful deeds of darkness" referenced in the previous verse, 5:11, are sinful acts, works of the flesh that are sinful and no good can come from, thus they seek the darkness of concealment, are unfruitful (as no good comes from them). the "them" is the unsaved gentiles, and sexual immorality was rampant in ephesus.

to paraphrase this verse (with my understanding) is: christian shouldn't be a party to, discuss, or participate in any those activities that can be defined as "unfruitful deeds of darkness", such as sexual immorality. in fact, you'll notice in some translations, they interpret this verse as "It is shameful even to talk about the things that the disobedient (or ungodly people) do in secret"

subsequently, i don't see how this verse has anything to do with the marital bed, or oral sex between a married couple.

i do believe the bible has instructed that it is vulgar to discuss details that are intended to be private, such as intimate sexual details. but i don't understand why anyone would find it wrong, or unbecoming as a christian to discuss this subject in an academic fashion, specifically for the purpose of edification, seeking what is right and wrong.

please correct me if i am wrong. i certainly understand why one might feel uncomfortable in discussing the topic altogether, but that doesn't mean it is inappropriate across the board.

thanks.

oneperson1993,
Welcome to christian chat. When I see questions such as yours I am not dismayed but rather supportive that your question be answered biblically and to the extent that you can say; "I understand now". Hopefully, my response will give you insight.
Additionally - I would desire that you see this response and have not been ~run off~. You must understand that some will respond to a question of this manner with a ~gut reaction~, either for or against. We are still human, even if saved, and still have personal prejudices or preferences.
BIBLICALLY, this topic can be seen in the Song of Solomon; specifically verses 2:3 and 4:16.
The Song of Solomon 2:3:
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
This would be a reference to fellatio.
The Song of Solomon 4:16
Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits.
This would be a reference to cunnilingus.
So, oneperson1993, oral sex is ~addressed~ in the bible. Between the husband and wife ONLY is it allowed. And, as can be seen by these verses, and the rest of the book, merely one means by which the husband & wife can delight in each other.
I hope this answers your question.
Be Well,
Cavil

Where did you find that meaning?

The original Hebrew was a lot more graphic. A lot was sanitized in the translating.

Really? I looked at thewords & got simple translation to 'fruit'. Would you care to elaborate with a little more depth?

I just want to say as an administrator here that we don't mind the question and yes that is one good thing about internet forums, to be able to freely ask or share such things with some level of anonymity. This is a common question and there are various other sex-related questions that people have, especially new Christians, or newly married, or whatever. Even if you joined our forum just to ask that question, and we never see you again, that is perfectly fine. But in any case, welcome.



I don't see anything in the Bible restricting husband and wife in the privacy of their bedroom on sexual positions, kissing each other's bodies, or stimulating each other in whatever way -- quite the contrary. Holiness has nothing to do with putting rules on husband and wife in the bedroom. When a man and woman are married and serving God, then sexual union and enjoying each other's bodies (e.g., stimulating each other in whatever way) is not unholy. If a man and woman are not married, all sexual activity and sexual stimulation is unholy.

So here's my straight answer to your question for what it's worth:

It is not a sin for a husband and wife to sexually stimulate each other in whatever way. Stimulating each other by touch, kiss, whatever, for foreplay or stimulation -- it's all good, especially if they both enjoy it or don't mind it -- the details of that isn't really anyone else's business.

I think they should be considerate of each other (if the other is really uncomfortable doing something) but in general NO, oral sex (man to woman or woman to man) in marriage is not a sin.

And I'm not sure why some people assume oral sex only means woman to man. There's nothing evil about a wife enjoying oral stimulation from her husband and VICE-VERSA. But again it's not really anyone's business.

I think the bottom line is married couples can feel free in the privacy of their bedrooms to enjoy each other's bodies and fulfill each other without feeling any restraint. In fact, I kinda think that's a mark of a good marriage.

It's just kinda silly to try to put rules of restraint on husband and wife, on how and where they can touch and stimulate each other. I don't think you can find that in the Bible.

"Let her breasts satisfy you at all times" -- Prov 5:19

Where did you find that meaning?

Wow!!!!!!!!!!! You are in need of rightly dividing the scriptures...read the whole chapter and search the other scriptures!

I will agree with you on some things, but a christian man and wife can do wrong too, when it comes to lust, of the flesh! The scriptures you gave are in reference to clinging to your wife and not another.. But what is the natural use of a woman? Romans 1:28-32

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
20. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
21. For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.
22. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.
23. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

It's not one of the areas I've studied at length so I regret to say that I don't recall the references. It was just touched on briefly in a survey of the Bible Class.

Sorry........ not buying it. And the "like" you got for posting it? Not buying that, either.

What motivates you to speak with such hostility so frequently? A simple, "I disagree" would suffice. "Not buying it" implies that I am a liar or an idiot.

Making statements like ^^these^^ is the reason why..........I rest my case.

Myself, I regard it as a homosexual act that has no place in a Christian marriage. Any "man" expecting that kind of action from a woman should rethink his regard for her and possibly his sexual orientation, or at the very least not engage in any kind of relationship with any woman short of going out and buying himself a prostitute. I find it to the the depths of disrespect for a woman to be expected to be degraded in such a fashion.

1Corinthians 7:3-5: " Let the husband render to his wife her due, but let the wife do likewise to her husband. The wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does. Do not be depriving each other of it, except by mutual consent for an appointed time, that you may devote time to prayer and may come together again, that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-regulation."

So, I feel this passage relates quite well to this subject. It also helps you understand the nature of a Christian sex-life. The Bible tells me not to deprive my wife of my flesh, so I won't. If this is something she wishes to do, she can. I also think those who feel a man MAKES a woman perform these acts should re-evaluate who feels pleasure during this. If it makes my partner happy, it makes me happy.