This is a marvellous day, yet why does it feel so mundane..? If i go by my feelings then there's panic within, at times i feel good but then what good will i giv to this world when my mood fails me.. If i do good when i feel good, then how am i serving the Lord? Today, i had a bad mood and therefore didn't behave well with mom. Well, if i look at my imperfections, they are plenty. Yeah i am reading my Bible, i do geg His encouragements... but at times the enemy is attacking so fiercely, i end up being a weak witness for Christ. Yeah. I need some entertainment in my life, i mean in a good way... wanna enjoy and not be dull. Depression lifts and settles... This cycle keeps going on..! Why did my mom not give my medications on time... she delayed too much. For the past few days she isn't so punctual on her timings... u wanna tell me to take my meds myself... No they won't allow me, she wants to '' see''me taking it. They don't trust me so much... yeah... I wanna drive the car and go out... they are so scared, i feel so angry how they are limiting me... at times i can't sympathise.. Not at all at times... hating unnecessarily... seeing its futile... But to think negative is no less than futile... I'll keep breathing, that's the best i can do.. right now havin panicky sensations in my chest. My family history is suggestive of mental illness.. My sister was diagnosed of acute psychosis recently... And she went into a religious madness state and satan was whispering his lies to her about her life and future and made her think it was God. At times i fear whether am going into that state. Sometimes i am unable to know whether me striving for God is insanity... my family history haunts me. Yeah, dad had depression, mom had psychosis, brother has schizophrenia, sister had acute psychosis.... I am diagnosed of depression this year. What more even my 2 dogs mal-behave... I have golden retriever and a pomeranian... They are supposed to be friendly to strangers but lo! They bark.. one even attempts to bite. Ferocious, malbehaving ones. What more, my grand dad has dementia, keeps repeatedly asking me things he has asked several times before. And all this burden my dad is taking on his head...but Praise God... no... I can't lie to You Lord... am tired.. No i don't ask for strength... Am tired of asking for that.... Nope! Thanks if u bring something wonderful this day. I need refreshment that lasts days. In Jesus name.... AMEN! Say Amen with me, when 2 or more believers agree IT WILL BE DONE.