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Jun 27, 2019
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#1
OK. I'm in a bit of a pickle, which is why I came here. Currently, I find myself in a situation where, outside of work, I have no one to talk to, no one to do anything with, and no one who understands what I am going through. I know I need fellowship and friendship with other believers, but almost everything I once had has been severed, and I now find myself extremely isolated and depressed.

A little background: My wife and I were in full and part-time ministry for over 10 years, until a couple of years ago when her "personality issues" (what I believe to be Narcissistic Personality Disorder) forced me to leave the ministry due to the obvious damage it was causing to the churches and the people I was trying to minister to. We left our last church and moved to another city for work, have kind of plugged into a pretty good Bible-believing church here, but there are not a lot of opportunities for making connections with other believers here and it doesn't quite feel like home to me like my old church. When we were busy in ministry and had a lot of friends in the church, things weren't so bad, but now that it is just us two (we have no children), it is completely unbearable. She is from another country and her English is not very good even after 15 years living and working in the US. I am fluent in her language and speak it all day every day in my job with little problem, but she corrects every little mistake I make, so even very simple communication in either language is very difficult. Now that we are on our own, it is also becoming very obvious that we have absolutely nothing in common. I love to do a lot of different things, but she has no interests or hobbies to speak of, and I'm even questioning whether she is actually a Christian, because so much of what she says seems to just parrot what she's heard from TV preachers with no real impact on her behavior or attitudes. She seems to have no desire to give back and minister to others, something I am very passionate about. So this leaves us very little to talk about even if we could understand each other. The NPD makes it even worse, because so much of what she talks about is negative -- for example, belittling and attacking old friends or coworkers of ours, even if we haven't seen them or heard from them in years. And I want to be able to build up new relationships and really plug in to a new church, but I am afraid of when she will blow everything up again, and I will once more have to say goodbye to good friends and start over from scratch. It is so excruciating to want to have an adult conversation with someone, be able to have someone who can empathize with what you are feeling or going through, or just talk about how your day went at work, but all I can do is come home, be quiet and sit on the couch. It feels like I am literally watching myself die piece by piece. I have gone to some of my pastor friends to talk about this, but for the most part they had trouble really understanding what I am going through, so our interactions were largely even more disappointing. So I came here looking for people to connect with and have conversations with about things that matter, and maybe try to find a way to still minister to others even though I have been marooned on a desert island, so to speak.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,197
6,768
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#2
Well, I won't speak on your wife but I will say that I am glad that you joined us and are reaching out for fellowship.

Some if not many here understand isolation and depression, myself included. It sounds like you and she are in a season of struggle for sure.

Welcome to CC. I hope that you find comfort and rest here, surrounded by many different Brothers and Sisters.

I will pray for you and her also.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
6,182
4,248
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#3
inukubo,

Welcome to CC!
I know how alone and isolated one can feel "in the real world", which is part of what brought me/how I found CC.
I pray you may find some comfort among these pages, and make many new friends along the way.
I have no doubt that the Lord will continue to use you no matter WHERE you are (including typing away to total strangers around the world);)
 

Hazelelponi

Active member
Jul 8, 2019
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USA
#4
Hello. I'm a sister and not in the ministry so I'm likely not someone for you to fellowship with so much as just someone to be here that can listen and sometimes advise as I feel able.

I am sorry that your having such a difficult time with moving and marriage and losing freinds, and I will pray for you...

I moved and had to change things up quite a bit a few years ago, and it's an experience trying to fit in.. so I do sympathize.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,779
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#6
You certainly seem to live a lonely and isolated existence. Perhaps your wife feels lonely and isolated too, especially since she is from another country. Seems that she has a lot of angst and bitterness in her heart and that she vents it out to you because you are her husband and maybe you are the only one that she can really talk to.

Even Christians can have negative feelings and emotions so I would not take this as a sign that she is not a Christian. Whether she is or not you are still her husband but I can understand your sense of loneliness even though you are married.

Hopefully you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site, including myself. I have said a prayer for you for God to alleviate the sense of loneliness and isolation and also a prayer for your wife for God to soften her heart and for her to be able to talk to you in a more positive and upbeat way. I believe that she is hurting too and I feel bad for the both of you.

Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
6,583
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#8
Welcome to CC and nice to meet you. Re your situation, I would reconnect with your local church and/or ministries.
Get prayer partners and pray for your marriage. Find Scriptures to stand on in prayer and may God bless you both, in Jesus' Name, Amen.
 
Jun 27, 2019
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#10
You certainly seem to live a lonely and isolated existence. Perhaps your wife feels lonely and isolated too, especially since she is from another country. Seems that she has a lot of angst and bitterness in her heart and that she vents it out to you because you are her husband and maybe you are the only one that she can really talk to.

Even Christians can have negative feelings and emotions so I would not take this as a sign that she is not a Christian. Whether she is or not you are still her husband but I can understand your sense of loneliness even though you are married.

Hopefully you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site, including myself. I have said a prayer for you for God to alleviate the sense of loneliness and isolation and also a prayer for your wife for God to soften her heart and for her to be able to talk to you in a more positive and upbeat way. I believe that she is hurting too and I feel bad for the both of you.

Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers.

I know she's lonely and isolated, too. I assume she's been this way most of her life and I know she's had a lot of hard experiences and didn't grow up in a great environment. All this time I have been trying to save her, and now I realize I can't. Barring a miracle, no one can. And now we are both miserable.
 

Smooth

Well-known member
Jul 22, 2019
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#11
Seems you’re not equally yoked. Narcissists put themselves before anyone, including God. I don’t have any advice but my arms to friendship and brotherhood are wide open. Praying for both of you.
 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
4,744
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#12
Jesus loves you, and I love you too. Life can be nearly unbearable at times. Don't give up. With God's help, we can get thru this stormy life together.

Hebrews
12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset [us], and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
12:3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,779
11,499
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Tennessee
#13
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers.

I know she's lonely and isolated, too. I assume she's been this way most of her life and I know she's had a lot of hard experiences and didn't grow up in a great environment. All this time I have been trying to save her, and now I realize I can't. Barring a miracle, no one can. And now we are both miserable.
You cannot save either you or your wife. Only God can do this. He wants us to have life and have it more abundantly. Miracle is a term used to describe an intervention by an act of God. With God nothing is impossible. What seems to be miraculous is simply an ordinary everyday matter to God. There is a saying that misery loves company but it is far better to share the joy out of knowing and serving the Lord.
 
May 17, 2019
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#14
Hi Inukubo,
It sounds as though you are burnt out. I am sorry you feel so alone, even in your marriage. Welcome to the forum, I hope you find friendship here.
 

Silence

New member
Jul 20, 2019
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#15
You cannot save either you or your wife. Only God can do this. He wants us to have life and have it more abundantly. Miracle is a term used to describe an intervention by an act of God. With God nothing is impossible. What seems to be miraculous is simply an ordinary everyday matter to God. There is a saying that misery loves company but it is far better to share the joy out of knowing and serving the Lord.
 

Silence

New member
Jul 20, 2019
14
13
3
#16
yes we do go through things like this but it will pass help yourself before I help others we can only lead by example and try and follow God and let him into our lives through prayer and meditation and get on with life the best we can by moving and doing things and not falling into self pity but sometimes this is hard and feels impossible
 

Silence

New member
Jul 20, 2019
14
13
3
#17
yes we do go through things like this but it will pass help yourself before I help others we can only lead by example and try and follow God and let him into our lives through prayer and meditation and get on with life the best we can by moving and doing things and not falling into self pity but sometimes this is hard and feels impossible
I have felt this way sometimes but I turn too God and he helps me and that in turn helps other if I am ok my wife and family are ok