Showing Mercy

My husband has said and done many terribly hurtful things to me during our 10 years of marriage. He point blank told me that work, friends, golf and alcohol are his priorities. I feel as long as he can do whatever he wants to, without conflict, everything is fine. I spent time with God this morning and heard a sermon which I believe spoke to me. Showing mercy to those who hurt you. How do I do this when it seems continual? My heart is heavy.

well I think forgiveness may be the word that describes what you refer to more than mercy

extending mercy indicates that you can, in some way, punish the one who has hurt you so you extend mercy instead, like God forgiving us of our sins rather than wiping us out

and yes that would be forgiveness also

I am truly sorry to read that your husband has treated you this way throughout your marriage, but at this point, his lack of consideration for you should be dealt with

he is sinning against you...against your marriage vows

all marriages have seasons or times of ups and downs, but neither a man nor a woman should treat their marriage as you describe

do you attend a church and would you feel comfortable talking to your pastor or a counsellor about the situation?

again, I am sorry for your pain but there is an answer but you may have to make some adjustments with how you are living

Thank you for your kindness and words to really think about. We have counseled a few times together, but my husband heard some things he didn't want to hear so he will not go back. Although not regularly or at a specific church, I do attend services, Bible studies, and seek counsel from a dear Christian friend. I've also sought Spiritual counseling. My husband was a believer when we married, but since questions there being a god and doesn't like it when I talk about God. I listened to a program last night that talked about finding joy where I'm at in order for God to increase the joy in my life. I just don't know how to do that most days. God's blessings to you. Thank you again.

JAMES 3:17,.
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated,
full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

JUDE 1:21.
Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

HEB. 12:2.
Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I am sincerely sorry to hear about your troubles, Rest and have comfort in knowing GOD has a plan. Your husband does not like to hear you or others talk about spiritual things because they convict him. I know your heart is heavy but just know that your friends are lifting you up in prayer. If your husband continually sees that no matter what, your love for GOD shows through hopefully he will want the same peace you have. He is trying to find something to make him happy, he's not going to find it in golf and alcohol. Pray for GOD to remove the scales from his eyes so he can know true happiness. I pray that GOD will give you strength to endure. You say he was a believer but I say he is still a believer its just satan a hold on him and he is in love with his sin. GOD can use you as a lighthouse for your husband to find his way back. Remember GOD works on his time not ours. I will pray for you that you can find comfort and peace through this rough time. I think you are doing the right thing by reaching out to others. show your love for Jesus to your husband through your actions. I pray that GOD will bless you and keep you

in my opinion, you need to concentrate on you. I don't know if you work or not, but if you stay home, you have too much time on your hands to sit and think about all of this

find a part time job...or do volunteer work somewhere you will make a difference

you need to be firmly anchored in God and seek wisdom and counsel from Him...which can happen through prayer, counselling and friends. you can only change yourself, as I'm sure you know. your husband sounds like a bum and eventually you may decide to leave. only you know what you can and what you cannot tolerate

your husband broke his vows to you a long time ago

you have not mentioned children and if you have no children that might be a good thing

I am not telling you to leave or stay, but you are in a situation where you have decisions to make and internal changes for your own sake are necessary

I do understand this is difficult.

We probably all feel that if we can do whatever we want without conflict, everything is fine.. But life just doesn't work like that does it? There are repercussions to everything we do and say. Since your not on his list of priorities, perhaps you ought to consider taking him off of your list of whats important to you? The best cure for a self-centered person is to give them a taste of their own medicine. Reflect back to him what he's inflicting onto you. The next time he ask something of you, just say; "I'm sorry, your not on my list of priorities". And forget about mercy, you only forgive someone who see's the light and genuinely regrets the way they've been acting. Forgiving a person who has no intent to change only supports who they are, and you essentially enable his mean/rude behavior. If you've put up with this b.s. for 10 years, its time to correct the problem rather than sweeping it under a rug... jmo

Your husband did not show you mercy. He told you you were not his priority. You did not even come in 4th place. Alcohol did.

Love does not break your heart. You're married to an unbeliever. God says divorce is allowed in such a case. Ask yourself if you can live ten more years that will be worse than the last ten. Since your husband had no problem hurting you for a decade and telling you why, now that it is no secret what is there to cloak his motives behind hurting you even more in future?

Sometimes God hears our prayers and his answer is to let things get so bad for us that we realize he's now telling us to get out!
For our own sake. Hubby doesn't prioritize you. Don't do the same thing to yourself. You deserve better than to feel like you're dying from the abuse you're suffering now.
He's not going to change. But he is changing you. (HUG) My prayers are with you. Some women know what you are talking about due to their own stories. One thing is certain and yet sad. You are not alone in this experience. How much more do you think you can take?

Love you!

God does. And he didn't create you to be a husbands doormat.

some really insightful posts being shared...

it is time that you should understand what your Saviour means by living
your marriage inside of His guide lines -
put Jesus first by serving Him and obeying His rules -
learn how to love yourself as Christ loves you...
GBY and yours...

To everyone one of you that took the time to give me some helpful insight, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God's blessings to you.

Sounds like hes abusive. Abusers have an extremely low rate of change. Forgiveness is still important but you need to ask yourself if its what God intended for you, to be stuck with someone that broke his vow to you and to God. And will likely not change.

You are the one that needs mercy and not your husband. He seems to be grossly insensitive to you as his wife. Of course your heart is heavy because it is breaking. Spending time alone with God is a good thing to do. Perhaps He will speak to you and show you how to best proceed with your life. Pushing everything aside is does not make everything fine. There are others on this site in similar situations so please know that you're not alone in this. All I can do is to say a prayer for you and I will certainly do so now. Hopefully, you will find comfort support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

That's for sure.

I would love to know how you forced that idea into scripture because the Bible that I read doesn't say that and in reality it says the exact opposite.

The only latitude given is if the unbelieving spouse initiates the divorce.

1st Corinthians 7:10-16 NASB

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.


12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.


15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, sister. I’ll be praying, asking our Heavenly Father to comfort you and your husband daily with evidences of His great love and compassion (Lamentations 3:22-23). May He be the center of your marriage and give you guidance as you lean upon Him.

Relationships with those closest to us can be extremely complicated, and I know that it really hurts when you are not the priority in your marriage. You are to be commended for your commitment and efforts to show love and mercy in this situation. Do you think it might be helpful to share with your pastor or another close trust worthy couple? We’re called to forgive and walk in God’s love and I’m hoping things will work out well with you soon. Hugs to you .