Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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Good morning back to you. My week is good. How about you?
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An Untitled Lyrical Ode.

This piece doesn't rhyme. I just wrote it on a whim after coming home from church today which interestingly, is doing a series on relationships. I tried to incorporate some iambic elements. I know it can seem cheesy, but I feel like sharing it

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I tell you I don’t need you
But I want you
And thats a big difference

When we meet, I hesitate
But kiss me now
Thats what my eyes say

I can’t fight this push and pull
And it’s a secret
I play it cool, my darling

I am not afraid anymore
Both young and free
We embrace at the bay bridge

Place your lips on mine and dance,
Drive me crazy
I hereby give you permission

Your apartment is our dance floor
Our hands just fit
I can’t get enough of you

Its not like we have plans t’night
Or even tomorrow
You whisper such sweet nothings

Get me breakfast in the morning
Hold me gently
Your kiss plays on my mind all day

When you kissed my scar so sweet
"Made it better”
You grin, and I am hella in… so in.

Hi Earnest! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Lots of drama at work, lol. I also can't seem to figure out the new system, as it often doesn't alert me of threads I've put a "watch" on or have posted in.

And somehow we seem to have found ourselves sliding into a new week... How did that happen???!!!

I hope this week goes well for you, and even better than the last one!

Blessings to you.

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Are you from Seoul, So. Korea? I have been there a number of times when I was in the US army in 1976 and 1977, probably before you were born. lol
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Overtired thinking.

I've been thinking about community settings like my work place and my small church. And I've been thinking about how I relate to people, qualities I see in them, qualities I see in myself, what helps me connect, what things rub me the wrong way, etc.

I've been thinking about the people in my work place that I'm just like, "Eh, I will keep this relationship very professional, with a greater level of distance, I will be nice but I don't think we have any more ground we are bothered to even cover" and the people I work well with and are willing to assist and help.

I think over time, may it be cynicism or maybe just the crueler side of wisdom, but I'm more prone to pick my people. I've found that I will spend my time and energy with people who are more likely to show these qualities:

Drive to connect
Drive to change
Drive to amend
Remorse
Empathy

I know they are really weird attributes, like remorse for instance, but I just find it really weird and scary when people don't feel remorse for what they've done. Not even if its about something they've done to me personally but even another entirely different situation.

I usually find a healthy dose of remorse will drive me to connect, drive me to change or change something or drive me to amend. In some ways, remorse has some place in change and growth. Not that I want to be in deep guilt or shame all the time, but I suppose I think it shows that at some level the moral conscience is ticking and in action.

I also find it weird that people don't have a drive to change things. I used to spend a lot of time talking to women with depression or anxiety at church. At first I spent a lot of time encouraging them, or empathizing with them, or sharing break through stories but I was shocked that on many occasions, a lot of those women didn't do anything to help themselves. Eventually I was just trying to point them to Jesus but nothing was really computing behind their eyes. It took me awhile, but in some sad way I think part of this was true: they liked being the victim and I couldn't do anything about that.

The more I live, the more I realize that there are a lot of people who don't have any drive for better things. And it really weirds me out. I can try and understand the hurt and pain they have gone through to get there, but without the genuine, deep desire for change, their ears seem closed and the drive to connect, to change, to amend seems snuffed out.

Don't get me wrong, I have found a lot of people I grow with and flourish with in a genuine sense of family and community. And they show these qualities. But I think I look for these qualities more often now. I guess I really want to be heard. I want to put my time and energy in to something that can grow.

I don't know.... maybe I am getting more cynical?

I'm just a

This would make a great thread. I'd like to respond to it and I agree with a lot of what you said (maybe even all of it).... but its late for me right now. I'll post tomorrew..

I'm just a teddy bear sittin on a crub.

Sometimes I have these brain farts where a completely insignificant memory comes to my head (like a 10 second snap shot of a mundane moment in 5th grade or something) and I live it for a brief time in my current reality and then I just move on. I have a theory my brain lets me relive its brief fragrant moment before it completely kills it off from my memory pool. Kind of like when something dies and it exhales its last dying breath or something.

I don't think it's killing it off lol... I think something probably subconsciously triggered that memory, like a scent or a glimpse of something, or something someone said...

I finally got my disability hearing appointment. Months away yet though. Now the hard part. Getting approved.

I finally got my disability hearing appointment. Months away yet though. Now the hard part. Getting approved.

@Deade @Oncefallen

Yeah. I'm over 2 years now. And I've been rejected for separate conditions more than once.
I've had no insurance or income since 2015. And 1000's of dollars in meds I take every month. I've been fortunate with my hospitals pharmacy help and the drug companies themselves.

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Have you contacted a disability lawyer? There those who specialize in these things and know what to do to get approved.
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Yeah. Have had them over a year now. They've not done too much that I can see.

Yeah. Have had them over a year now. They've not done too much that I can see.