With So Many "Fish in the Sea", How Many Should Someone be Baiting at Once?

Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year ), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.

As they say... fools rush in and anything good doesn't come easy. Take your time and really get to know that person. Text and/or talk to lots of people to see what you want and don't want. It's not a race, it's a covenant from God... not to be taken lightly!

Seoulsearch this is yet another very intriguing post that I can absolutely relate to on several levels...
It's funny that you use the 'Many Fish in the Sea' reference...
- for both my older son and daughter I converted a 'value focused thinking' tool/spreadsheet (used to assist decision makers) with the many fish in the sea analogy... Where I used the reference of a 'Gold Fish' as being someone's First Choice...
In both of their cases they were the first choice 'Gold Fish' of their respective first serious HS girlfriend or boyfriend...
The objective of my use of this tool for both of them was to illustrate to them that while their first serious HS boyfriend or girlfriend CHOSE them and pursued them - that they too have a choice in realizing their own preferences in who they decide to date...
The tool is merely intended to drive that point home - it is by no means intended to be predictive... Albeit, I always tease my daughter that I get a vote as to who she is allowed to marry...

As it pertains to the reference to 'Baiting'...
- While I have always been a one woman at a time kinda guy; I do suspect that there is a preliminary phase that calls for gaining knowledge and insights about the various fish in your pond that allows you to make sound choices based upon the limited information that is available to you at the time...
- This poses quite the conundrum bc in order for people to make informed decisions they require information and knowledge; while acknowledging that we will never have access to perfect information nor all information. Our human intuition is likely to play a key role...
- I do believe that this is a two way street and that it is in everyone's best interest to keep all their options open and hopefully do that in as respectful and dignified a manner as is christianly possible...

Personally, I'm in the process of turning over a new leaf as it pertains to my renewed appreciation to give all my trust and faith to HIM...
I believe that one of my challenges in the past was that I was too fixated on seeking out my Gold Fish... In hindsight, I suspect that I might be better off waiting for the lord to bring someone into my path who deems me as their 'Gold Fish' such that I might be able to consider a hybrid approach (to my own advise to my kids) to consider each new prospective fish (no catfish please) on a case by case basis to deem if in fact that she might just be the one (with the soul) that HE deems is worthy of earning my heart and soul...

I'm expecting some sort of sign from above maybe fireworks, lightning or a brick to fall from the sky with her name on it as an absolute sign from HIM to me ... Until then, I'm just gonna strive to keep myself busy, mind my own business and strive to NOT go fishing or putting any bait out in any waters they don't belong; while keeping my heart, soul and options open to HIM...

Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year ), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.

Hey sis!
Im gonna try to make this short and sweet.
I believe we all cross paths for some reason and sometimes we are drawn to someone in particular with a deeper and personal interest. Maybe it's something they say or do. Hopefully it's not all about looks.
I think when you reach out to someone with a deeper interest, you should be wanting to become aquainted as friends before even considering something more meaningful. There's nothing wrong with Casting multiple nets and making g friends. Naturally, you will talk to someofe than others as a natural selection happens. If things begin to be one serious, then at that point, you would start spending more time with that individual.
I believe that at anytime someone else asks if you they may have
competition, you should be honest and forth coming. Honesty goes a long way.
Most of us talk to other singles here privately. I have made some really great guy friends and we keep up with each other often, but we found that friends is what we were meant to be.





Igee as reminded of Psalm 56:8 by my missionary friend in Africa this morning.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

God even counts and collects our tears...and it reminds me how much He loves us and holds every aspect of our lives in His hands.

I am not a fan of multiple emails, texts, etc.
As far as waiting, if someone is looking for something "better" while hanging you up, you'll know when enough is enough. Your gut or intuition, or even the Holy spirit will give you a heads up.

Nothing wrong with making friends and seeing what prospects could become a potential relationship, unless they are taken then it’s a big no-no!

I guess my only concern with this is, for example, a woman talking to 10 men, and one of those men could only be speaking to 3 women, or vice verca. Men: do you think it’s a put off if you find out that the women you’re texting/talking to is also talking to 10 other dudes? Women: what are your thoughts if the tables were turned?

Another example is if a woman is speaking to two men and both might be heavily invested in her, but now she’s left with a difficult decision to choose who to invest in or quit all together.

Idk, I Think I’ve just been in those situations before and I tend to not steer towards those situations again because it just leaves room for heartbreak and regret.

Which is why I’ve just guarded my heart more with any and every man I meet, letting God direct me and show me where he wants me

I guess my only concern with this is, for example, a woman talking to 10 men, and one of those men could only be speaking to 3 women, or vice verca. Men: do you think it’s a put off if you find out that the women you’re texting/talking to is also talking to 10 other dudes? Women: what are your thoughts if the tables were turned?

Another example is if a woman is speaking to two men and both might be heavily invested in her, but now she’s left with a difficult decision to choose who to invest in or quit all together.

Idk, I Think I’ve just been in those situations before and I tend to not steer towards those situations again because it just leaves room for heartbreak and regret.

Which is why I’ve just guarded my heart more with any and every man I meet, letting God direct me and show me where he wants me

Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year ), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.

I never baited more than one woman at a time, but I gave up long ago when I realized that my milkshake wasn't even in the yard anymore...