Abuse in a Marriage Grounds for Divorce?

We've had a rather heated discussion in the Family forum about whether abuse, emotional/verbal/physical is grounds for divorce. I was interested to see how the majority feel here. I'd appreciate knowing why you feel as you do. Remember we are talking about abuse. No other situations. Is abuse grounds for divorce in a Christian marriage? What advice would you give a Christian woman, or man, in an abusive marriage?



p.s. My first poll here so hopefully I do this correctly

Sexual abuse?
Yep.

Fornication and adultery is sexual abuse and of course the emotional,verbal and physical abuse that goes along with this.

What advice to give...well I would day if one is being abused they are in bondage with the demonic not marriage and should not be unequally yoked...God has called us to freedom. JEsus can set them free.

Whether He saves one or both parties needs lots of prayer.

My initial response is that abuse of ANY kind breaks the marriage covenant. A review of the wedding vows seems to back this up.

I would say yes. I do not believe God wants us to stay in a bond with a abuser. Its not the will of God. The enrmy wants us to stay so we break

There are a few versions of Malachi 2:16 that speak to this...

AMPC
For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

NET
“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and the one who is guilty of violence,” says the Lord who rules over all. “Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful.”

NLV
“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “And I hate the man who does wrong to his wife,” says the Lord of All. “So be careful in your spirit, and be one who can be trusted.”

I don't know Hebrew, but I suspect that these translations best capture the sense of God's message... that He hates divorce AND He hates violence within a marriage. Most translations say it differently, and IMHO, most don't really make a lot of sense.

Spousal abuse is normally thought of as an abusive husband and victimized wife, that is certainly not every case. In fact, the perpetrators of physical violence within romantic relationships are roughly equal proportions of male and female.

Further, as Kayla did not specify types of abuse, I will note that emotional abuse is just as sinful as physical abuse. It's just harder to identify because the damage may not be visible in the short term.

He is to love you like he does his own body, If he is abusing you or abusing his body Run

Ephesians 5:21
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

phesians 5:28
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Colossians 3:19, NIV. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Absolutely abuse is grounds for divorce.

People are quick to point out what a godly woman should be like.
But what about a godly man!

It would be pretty hard to present your wife as a spotless bride if she is
covered in cuts, bruises and burns!


Ephesians 5:21-30 NLT
[21] And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
[22] For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
[23] For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.
He is the Savior of his body, the church.

[24] As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your
husbands in everything. [25] For husbands, this means love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
[26] to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.
[27] He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without
a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and
without fault.

[28] In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love
their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for
himself.
[29] No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ
cares for the church. [30] And we are members of his body.

A case for Annulment, abuse

If a person is abusing you, then you were never married in God's eyes. Also, Paul writes about being married to an unbeliever.

Fact is God did Divorce Israel for following other gods.

The man lusting after the other woman in the church is adultery according to Jesus, thus the condition you brought up is filled.

Marriage is a parity covenant. A parity covenant is a contract between equal parties–an agreement entered into that includes promises to each other. Each party was expected to keep his or her promises and to be loyal to the covenant, but sometimes that didn’t happen. And when it didn’t, the covenant was broken; considered null and void.

The husband is to love his wife like he loves his own body. By his emotional abuse that proves he has broken the covenant.

The only recorded biblical account regarding abuse and divorce is in Genesis 16 and 21. In Genesis 16:3, Sarah gave her husband Abraham her handmaiden Hagar as a wife. Hagar consequently bore Abraham a son—something Sarah had been unable to do. In Genesis 21, after Hagar mentally abused Sarah, Abraham sent Hagar away—effectively divorcing her.

I Tim. 5:8 says a man who does not provide for his family (provision = financial, spiritual, emotional protection and leadership) has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. God calls an unrepentant abusive spouse an unbeliever. That is not my judgment; it is God’s. I Cor. 5:11 says believers are not to associate with, are not even to eat with, a person who is verbally abusive (“railer”). And I Cor. 7:13-15 says that if an unbelieving spouse removes (walks away from the marriage covenant – which can include staying in the house but leaving the relationship) himself from the marriage, the believing wife is to let him go. It may seem backwards for the believing wife to leave – but we have to remember that the “leaving” happens when a spouse does violence to his house (Mal. 2:13-16). The believing wife who removes to safety is not the one who abandoned the relationship --- his emotional abuse is proof that he has left the relationship.

For it is obligatory that as God's steward an overseer be . . . not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not a bully . . . 8. But hospitable, a lover of good . . . self-controlled (Titus 1:7 - 8)

From what I am reading in this thread the whole church is abusive and should be walked away from.

Gal 5 --- part of the flesh is abuse which is contrary to the fruit of the Spirit, this is also proof of him not being born again. In fact, II Peter 1:3-10, puts him outside the faith.

A pastor who tells one to endure the abuse is not worth anything to the abused.


I am not Catholic, but I think they are superior in this respect.

1 John 4:7-21Good News Translation (GNT)

God Is Love

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 And God showed his love for us by sending his only Son into the world, so that we might have life through him. 10 This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.

11 Dear friends, if this is how God loved us, then we should love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in union with us, and his love is made perfect in us.

13 We are sure that we live in union with God and that he lives in union with us, because he has given us his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and tell others that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If we declare that Jesus is the Son of God, we live in union with God and God lives in union with us. 16 And we ourselves know and believe the love which God has for us.

God is love, and those who live in love live in union with God and God lives in union with them. 17 Love is made perfect in us in order that we may have courage on the Judgment Day; and we will have it because our life in this world is the same as Christ's. 18 There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.

19 We love because God first loved us. 20 If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen. 21 The command that Christ has given us is this: whoever loves God must love others also.


John 13:35
If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.”

II Peter 1
3 God's divine power has given us everything we need to live a truly religious life through our knowledge of the one who called us to share in his own glory and goodness. 4 In this way he has given us the very great and precious gifts he promised, so that by means of these gifts you may escape from the destructive lust that is in the world, and may come to share the divine nature. 5 For this very reason do your best to add goodness to your faith; to your goodness add knowledge; 6 to your knowledge add self-control; to your self-control add endurance; to your endurance add godliness; 7 to your godliness add Christian affection; and to your Christian affection add love. 8 These are the qualities you need, and if you have them in abundance, they will make you active and effective in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But if you do not have them, you are so shortsighted that you cannot see and have forgotten that you have been purified from your past sins.

10 So then, my friends, try even harder to make God's call and his choice of you a permanent experience; if you do so, you will never abandon your faith. 11 In this way you will be given the full right to enter the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Bottom line, if one has not Love, it is very likely they are not born again.

Ezekiel 16:8
“As I passed by again, I saw that the time had come for you to fall in love. I covered your naked body with my coat and promised to love you. Yes, I made a marriage covenant with you, and you became mine.” This is what the Sovereign Lord says.

Malachi 2:14-16 - Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

Malachi 2:14 But you say, “Why [does He reject it]?” Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your marriage companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your vows].

A simple yes or no answer is not sufficient. Physical abuse absolutely merits separation. If unresolved that separation could lead to divorce. Divorce and then remarriage is also a problem for those in these terrible situations. Children are a complication as well in these matters.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

For a marriage to be valid, it is required that: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they are capable of giving their consent to marry; (3) they freely exchange their consent; (4) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; (5) they intend the good of each other; and (6) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by Church authority. http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/annulment/index.cfm

One of my Mothers was Jewish, there is no simple yes or nos. Abuse is grounds for Annulment because it indicates that they never became one flesh. Children are a blessing of God, and the intent of the Believer would be honored by God.

1 Corinthians 7:15 - But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

what does this text mean?

Malachi 2:16 - For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Can abuse be stopped? Can sinners repent? Can sinners be saved? Can unsaved spouses be saved? Can saved abusers be corrected by God?

And if all of the above is true, then abuse is NOT grounds for divorce.

1. It has been noted that abuse can be perpetrated by either husband or wife.

2. For the unsaved or even the saved, it means that they have not repented of their former lifestyle in this regard.

3. For all abusers, Christ is the answer, and the indwelling Holy Spirit is the power that can overcome any and every sin.

4. Until and unless both spouses sit down with godly, biblical pastors or elders and honestly talk about this problem while looking for a resolution, they cannot contemplate divorce (and there is only one biblical basis for divorce).

5. When a rational person sees that abusing another is wicked and evil, they will also see that they cannot persist in that kind of behavior. But they need to have the fear of God put into their souls. They need to be confronted with their actual spiritual condition.

6. There are also insecure people who deliberately seek out abusers, and they need to know that that is their deficiency, therefore they must deal with it.

The problem generally is that many pastors/elders today would prefer to shift their responsibility for addressing spiritual issues within their churches to secular "marriage counselors", who do not even believe, let alone apply biblical principles. That's called passing the buck.

I think we give way too much merit to the opinion of the common man. I think we need to either take the whole Bible into context or just leave out scripture altogether. Either it’s an entire legal document or it’s nothing. First a Christian should always act selflessly in love. I don’t condone abuse in any form because it’s not loving. Abuse needs to be clearly defined but for the sake of argument not acceptable in any fashion. Now you can either deem God permits divorce because of abuse but if you consider the Old Testament allows somebody to marry his rape victim as long as he pays off the dad then it adds a new dimension to the debate. The New Testament isn’t a new law. We can’t throw scripture around to absolve guilt.

If you want to divorce your spouse, go ahead. You just need to consider that either something is wrong with you or your selection process so you can’t, nor should you remarry. Marriage is the coming together of two individuals to be one, to unite in one mission. It’s not what most treat it like. The whole definition of marriage is out of whack, hence the divorce rate.

If someone is an abuser, they were really never married. Love and to Cherish.

the answer to each question is yes and no