Abuse in a Marriage Grounds for Divorce?

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Is Abuse in a Marriage Grounds for Divorce?

  • No, abuse is not grounds for Divorce

    Votes: 3 27.3%
  • Yes, abuse is grounds for Divorce

    Votes: 8 72.7%

  • Total voters
    11

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
8,172
1,571
113
68
Brighton, MI
#81
Yes, he was baptized. He's Pentecostal, independent, but grew up under the holiness Pentecostals. So he was filled with the spirit also. Whatever people feel about Pentecostals I'm just saying he was saved,baptized and filled.


p.s Please don't drag this into a thread on baptism in the HS folks. There are other threads for that.
James 1:26
If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.
 
P

pottersclay

Guest
#83
What I am about to say here may offend some saints.....the same as the word of the Lord can hurt but it will never comfort you with a lie.
I don't care if one says their saved or not .....this is not a matter of salvation it's a matter of who do you say Jesus is.
If he is Lord over all then why are you acting like you are?
There is nothing more dangerous than a immature Christian using Christ as a excuse. A way out. A comfort zone.
If you view Jesus as a savior only, get out of jail free card your sadly mistaken. He's not a fool. And you can't fool him.
Jesus is all about relationships...friend, brother, son's of God . Don't fall for I'm saved so be kind, loving, and gentle when there is no evidence.
Grownups hooked on baby food are the hardest to relate to.
We are to stand on the word of God not crawl. It seems to me there is a heart issue that needs to be delt with for both.
We are to grow in the knowledge and truth not just acknowledge the truth. Someone here needs to get a backbone.
 

SIMON55

Active member
Feb 15, 2019
538
193
43
MO,OK,AR
#84
Ok so I'm going to challenge what you've posted with a real life scenario. My sister has been married 17yrs. She is a Christian,her husband is a Christian. Her husband has been on the board of the church and head of the youth. Early in the marriage they began having issues. She tried to hide it but it got so bad she had to tell someone. Her husband has a violent temper. He has beaten holes in the walls, broken windows in their vehicles, broken endless phones and computers. He has cursed her, he has demeaned her in front of the children. He has threatened to commit suicide twice. They have been to pastors and Christian counselors,no change. He threw her clothes out on the front lawn and cursed her. She has done everything possible to cope with this marriage. Her children are suffering with emotional issues and have had to go on medication.

So my question to you is what would you council her to do? Do you believe God would have her and her children stay in that marriage? Her husband is unwilling to change. Should she stay and suffer?
Please forgive my intrusion upon a comment not directed to me...But from what I can see about your comment you have established a clear case of long term history of endangerment to wellbeing and safety. In my own personal opinion declarations of any sort of threatening to terminate anyones life after establishing a violent history shows a number of things...
1. A clearly diminished mental capacity.
2. An establishment of a clear and present danger to themselves and others.
3. Regardless whether they have not threatened anyone but themself they establish that their diminished capacity has lost respect of the sanctity of life which is an extremely disturbing factor to be taken most seriously because......
4. If someone is that disturbed then what garauntee is there that if they believe themself capable of terminating their life then what self preventitive restraint is there to them deciding to choose it to becoming a murder suicide combination?
5. Plus you indicate abuse at a level extreme enough causing children to require medication ?.....No....went to far.....Children have a right and deserve that their health and safety not be at risk or threatened by those whose responsibility it is to provide and protect and love and nurture them.
6. Obviously it was the man that needed treatment and or medication long before damage was inflicted on the childrens well being.
I am not an advocate for medicating people when it is an issue of spiritual illness solely.....but certainly not for a child unless no other alternative is found.
Medicating children because of an adults behavioral issues is absurd that it reached that stages of consideration.
I know my opinion doesn't necessarily address or suggest solutions specispecifically but your indications are the man is the one requiring treatment because of his ill spirit and ill behavior he should be shamed for all he is causing to his family.....
He should feel lucky to have.
Some of us out here dont have a family to love and care for. He isn't grateful to God his family or that the church lets him through the door even as a danger to the congregation. Who knows he might lose it and try to take as many as he can with him.
I believe you made strong indication this man is a clear danger to others and hasn't any real working faith that guides his judgment or conduct. In my opinion what were once supposed to be sanctuary havens and safe public institutions have now become targets of the disturbed individuals.
I even question several kinds of targeting conduct that occurs on this site and have had to inventory and consider my own which invited various and sorted retalliations against myself that possibly may go all the way up for all I know.....and very serious attempts at sick and ill maliciousness of conduct began shortly after coming here and I have only been here five week and was targeted for something I am not and I have documented the conduct. Just trying to determine how extensive the vine is.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#86
Yes, he was baptized. He's Pentecostal, independent, but grew up under the holiness Pentecostals. So he was filled with the spirit also. Whatever people feel about Pentecostals I'm just saying he was saved,baptized and filled.


p.s Please don't drag this into a thread on baptism in the HS folks. There are other threads for that.
You say grew up pentecostal. But growing up as one doesnt mean saved.
did he repent. Does he really believe Jesus put sins to death at the cross and rose again?
Cos how can he be fiilled with the holy spirit and then just not show any fruits of the holy spirit.

I mean can you tell the difference? Do you know what the fruits of the holy spirit are?
Im guessing he was filled with some other spirit, an unclean spirit, and walking in the flesh thats fruits are adultery, fornication, unclceanness, lavicisiousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies.

Adultery because, he remarried. He wasnt faithful to his first wife.
Hatred because hes showing hatred to his wife, first and second.
Drunkenness...well.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, Im gonna call it a duck, and not a duck thats been saved and now is a sheep.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#88
You say grew up pentecostal. But growing up as one doesnt mean saved.
did he repent. Does he really believe Jesus put sins to death at the cross and rose again?
Cos how can he be fiilled with the holy spirit and then just not show any fruits of the holy spirit.

I mean can you tell the difference? Do you know what the fruits of the holy spirit are?
Im guessing he was filled with some other spirit, an unclean spirit, and walking in the flesh thats fruits are adultery, fornication, unclceanness, lavicisiousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies.

Adultery because, he remarried. He wasnt faithful to his first wife.
Hatred because hes showing hatred to his wife, first and second.
Drunkenness...well.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, Im gonna call it a duck, and not a duck thats been saved and now is a sheep.

No, I'm just saying his background is in church,he grew up in it. I believe at one point he was saved, but where he is now,I don't know. I believe he was sincere at one time. He was faithful to his first wife,she was unfaithful to him,with several men. That was before he was saved.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#89
No, I'm just saying his background is in church,he grew up in it. I believe at one point he was saved, but where he is now,I don't know. I believe he was sincere at one time. He was faithful to his first wife,she was unfaithful to him,with several men. That was before he was saved.
Oh ok but then what's the story with the medication? . Is that just a stop gap for the alcohol addiction. Why is he medicated. Medication doesnt address the violence issue, in some case, exacerbates it.
If you sister chooses to stay, shes really made her choice hasnt she and puts up with the abuse. A normal person does not rely on outside substances to function. A christian relies on the holy spirit.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#90
I really hadnt heard of anyone taking medication for their temper.
Very strange. Is this like ritalin or something. Or is it marijuana.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
8,172
1,571
113
68
Brighton, MI
#92
read to here, I am care giver for three other seniors at times for five when someone drops them off to go to the store.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#93
We've had a rather heated discussion in the Family forum about whether abuse, emotional/verbal/physical is grounds for divorce. I was interested to see how the majority feel here. I'd appreciate knowing why you feel as you do. Remember we are talking about abuse. No other situations. Is abuse grounds for divorce in a Christian marriage? What advice would you give a Christian woman, or man, in an abusive marriage?



p.s. My first poll here so hopefully I do this correctly



"Unknownfemale",not sure what the red x was for? There was nothing there to disagree with. Could you explain? Thanks.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#94
I think we give way too much merit to the opinion of the common man. I think we need to either take the whole Bible into context or just leave out scripture altogether. Either it’s an entire legal document or it’s nothing. First a Christian should always act selflessly in love. I don’t condone abuse in any form because it’s not loving. Abuse needs to be clearly defined but for the sake of argument not acceptable in any fashion. Now you can either deem God permits divorce because of abuse but if you consider the Old Testament allows somebody to marry his rape victim as long as he pays off the dad then it adds a new dimension to the debate. The New Testament isn’t a new law. We can’t throw scripture around to absolve guilt.

If you want to divorce your spouse, go ahead. You just need to consider that either something is wrong with you or your selection process so you can’t, nor should you remarry. Marriage is the coming together of two individuals to be one, to unite in one mission. It’s not what most treat it like. The whole definition of marriage is out of whack, hence the divorce rate.

Those verses in the Bible are misunderstood. Here's link to what it actually meant...

https://www.gotquestions.org/Deuteronomy-22-28-29-marry-rapist.html


No where did I mention my spouse in the OP or elsewhere. But to your second point are you saying something is wrong with a woman who finds herself in an abusive marriage? Or she selected her abuser, willingly?! Listen the Bible says God won't even hear a mans prayers if he doesn't treat his wife correctly. No where, NO where does the Bible ever condone abuse in a marriage and you should NEVER tell a woman to stay in an abusive marriage.Period!! Women have lost their lives because of such stupid advice. Never does God expect a woman, or a man, to stay in an abusive marriage. Emotional or physical.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#95
My advice to the spouse that was being abused is to seek the counsel of a divorce lawyer.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#96
A simple yes or no answer is not sufficient. Physical abuse absolutely merits separation. If unresolved that separation could lead to divorce. Divorce and then remarriage is also a problem for those in these terrible situations. Children are a complication as well in these matters.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
I see no problem whatsoever in regards to divorce and later, once the wounds have healed a bit, remarriage. Children may be a complication but need not be a hinderance. Staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of the children is a very bad idea, at least from my own personal experience in my own physically and mentally abusive marriage. Needlessly harboring your child or children in a toxic environment causes more harm than good.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#97
For a marriage to be valid, it is required that: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they are capable of giving their consent to marry; (3) they freely exchange their consent; (4) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; (5) they intend the good of each other; and (6) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by Church authority. http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/annulment/index.cfm
What church authority exactly?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#98
There are other options. She could move out with the kids or get a restraining order until he gets cured. She doesn’t have to divorce right away.
Generally, the guy isn't going to get cured but rather become angrier and even more physically and mentally abusive. Restraining orders are a joke. No, she doesn't have to get divorced right away as that would be based on her tolerance for pain and willingness to remain a physically and mentally punching bag.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#99
If I was a woman, and I was being abused, I'd divorce that fool, and ask forgiveness afterwards!!
The husband who abuses his wife would be the one that is in need of forgiveness, not the wife who made the decision to divorce. I get what your saying though and fully concur.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
I really hadnt heard of anyone taking medication for their temper.
Very strange. Is this like ritalin or something. Or is it marijuana.


No I haven't either and I have no idea what it is. Is whole family has this issue and are all on the same med.