Abuse in a Marriage Grounds for Divorce?

It sickens my stomach to imagine a young person coming onto this site reading your violent post. To advocate rape on this Christian site is absolutely dreadful! What in the world possessed you to post that?!?

I think you're taking that a bit out of context. I don't think sexual abuse is grounds to marry. Perhaps you need to look into that a little closer. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Well 17 yrs. isn't right away. That's a pretty long time to endure abuse. And how will he get cured if he won't accept counsel or advice? He has stopped going to church. Do you think her staying in an abusive marriage and her sons seeing that is a good thing? They are on medication to cope with the issues going on in the marriage. She is a stay at home mom, she has no where she can move out to.

I'm pretty sure Kayla already knows my response to her poll question, and she DEFINITELY knows how I feel about abuse in a relationship.

That being said, I would NEVER advise a woman to stay in an abusive situation. Having been in that situation myself, it makes me qualified to make that statement. My ex wasn't abusive from the start, but it wasn't very long before he started showing his true colors. He would always yell, throw stuff at me, and one time he even tried to hit me with a broken-off tree branch that I had in the house. The last straw for me was when he tried to strangle me when I ended things with him.

God forgives EVERYTHING except for blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. And He NEVER intended for marriage to be abusive, or dangerous. I'm pretty sure He would accept abuse as grounds for divorce, as long as the person repents.

In the case of Kayla's sister, there are several guns in that house, from BB guns up to revolvers and shotguns. There is an abusive husband who knows how to use those guns, and there is a kid who is obsessed with guns and is quite comfortable in handling them, firing them and showing them off. Then there is Kayla's sister, who is literally surrounded by her husband's family living next door, and they're as violent as their son is. She can't leave with the kids without one of them seeing her and alerting her husband, who would go after her, bring her back and beat the living hell outta her. That whole situation is a time bomb waiting to go off.

What is she supposed to do? Wait until her husband goes berserk, blacks out and kills her? Or until the son finally decides to end his dad's abuse once and for all and shoots him dead? Cuz that's where this situation is headed.

Basically, I agree with you. However, I'd add that slamming doors and throwing plates, while not directly abusive, is violent (probably engendering fear), and violence is a major warning sign. If I saw that level of violence in a marriage, I'd strongly recommend counseling, because it will escalate without intervention and repentance. It's a frighteningly small step from throwing a plate at a wall to throwing a punch at the perceived cause of one's distress.

By the way, if the plate is thrown at the spouse (even if it misses), that is abuse.

Ok so I'm going to challenge what you've posted with a real life scenario. My sister has been married 17yrs. She is a Christian,her husband is a Christian. Her husband has been on the board of the church and head of the youth. Early in the marriage they began having issues. She tried to hide it but it got so bad she had to tell someone. Her husband has a violent temper. He has beaten holes in the walls, broken windows in their vehicles, broken endless phones and computers. He has cursed her, he has demeaned her in front of the children. He has threatened to commit suicide twice. They have been to pastors and Christian counselors,no change. He threw her clothes out on the front lawn and cursed her. She has done everything possible to cope with this marriage. Her children are suffering with emotional issues and have had to go on medication.

So my question to you is what would you council her to do? Do you believe God would have her and her children stay in that marriage? Her husband is unwilling to change. Should she stay and suffer?

I think she should be free. And would recommend her take the kids and leave.

The question then turns, if she gets remarried, is that adultry?
Thats the hard part

I would agree. She doesn't intend to remarry. After 17yrs of abuse she's done with married life if she walks away from this.

I'm waiting for UGs to respond so I know how to vote.

The UGs ?

I'm pretty sure Kayla already knows my response to her poll question, and she DEFINITELY knows how I feel about abuse in a relationship.

That being said, I would NEVER advise a woman to stay in an abusive situation. Having been in that situation myself, it makes me qualified to make that statement. My ex wasn't abusive from the start, but it wasn't very long before he started showing his true colors. He would always yell, throw stuff at me, and one time he even tried to hit me with a broken-off tree branch that I had in the house. The last straw for me was when he tried to strangle me when I ended things with him.

God forgives EVERYTHING except for blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. And He NEVER intended for marriage to be abusive, or dangerous. I'm pretty sure He would accept abuse as grounds for divorce, as long as the person repents.

In the case of Kayla's sister, there are several guns in that house, from BB guns up to revolvers and shotguns. There is an abusive husband who knows how to use those guns, and there is a kid who is obsessed with guns and is quite comfortable in handling them, firing them and showing them off. Then there is Kayla's sister, who is literally surrounded by her husband's family living next door, and they're as violent as their son is. She can't leave with the kids without one of them seeing her and alerting her husband, who would go after her, bring her back and beat the living hell outta her. That whole situation is a time bomb waiting to go off.

What is she supposed to do? Wait until her husband goes berserk, blacks out and kills her? Or until the son finally decides to end his dad's abuse once and for all and shoots him dead? Cuz that's where this situation is headed.

What?? How do you know if her husband is a born again christian, doesnt sound like it...just because someone's on the church board doesnt mean they are born again. Sounds very unholy, ungodly behaviour to me.
Does he have a testimony at all?
Another thing thats concerning is hes threatened to commit suicide, does he suffer from any of the following...bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, PTSD, substance abuse. This can be dealt with compassionately if its a case of mental illness. Either a safe house, or rehab for him.

In the meantime, is there a safe place for your sister and her children to go so shes not in the line of fire. Her parents?
Her 'husband' sounds like an angry man has he always been like this to everyone. I would be very wary if he acts demeaning toward his own wife. What do his parents think of his behaviour. Or does this run in the family...?

Proverbs 22:24

Perhaps your sister was deceived into marrying an angry man. Has she asked for forgiveness. Sometimes women say yes when they ought to say NO WAY. But many often dont have discernment at the time.

Abigail was one such wife who had married an angry/foolish man...Nabal. Maybe back in those days they had arranged marriages. Anyway. Am not saying its your sisters fault, or a situation to run away from, but God will provide a way, as he did with Abigail. The interesting thing about this story in the OT is that Abigail had the guts and honesty to see Nabal for what he was, and didnt defend his bad behaviour.

She also had wisdom to deal with short-tempered men. If its just a case of, he's tired and hungry, then feed him. But throwing clothes on the lawn?! thats something else.

Now that is a clear-cut case of an unrepentant person -- probably not even genuinely saved -- since pastoral council has failed. That is sad.

In which case separation is clearly the only solution. And removing the children from that horrendous situation is recommended. So did she go back and talk to the pastors and get their response? They should have removed the husband from fellowship and taken away all his responsibilities.

Also divorce has legal implications, and those should be carefully considered in terms of property etc. But separation is simply escape from an unacceptable situation.

her and the kids safety is what matters, Who knows. Her leaving may be the spark that causes her husband to repent and change..

A couple of the pastors told her to separate finally. Right now she is in counseling herself with a Christian couple that counsels. He doesn't know about it. She is still hoping God will change him. But she does have a safe place to go if she needs it. I worry for her and the boys safety. I have a feeling if she leaves his family is going to make it very difficult for her.

I'm glad to see the responses and that most are saying it is Biblical to leave an abusive marriage. I didn't intend to bring my sister into this thread but I wanted people to understand what I meant about abuse and what people are living through in real life. Christians need to be very careful when talking to a person going though abuse in a marriage. No one should ever be told to stay in abuse whether it is physical/mental/verbal or emotional. We do not know what is going on behind closed doors and what people are suffering.

So now I'm going to throw a wrench into this whole thread. Are we as the church condoning abuse with some of our teachings and not knowing it? When we say a husband is the head of the home and the woman is to submit are we sending wrong messages to men? Should we be more clear as to what being the head of the home means and what submission means. Because my BIL sees nothing wrong with how he is acting, and no pastor has flat out told him he is wrong and what he is doing is abuse. They simply say he has anger issues. So are we as the church partly to blame. Interesting to hear your responses.