You probably have my old Lutheran school restrictions to thank for that. 
There are many subjects I wish I could post about, and I've always been known to be a bit controversial, but I also have to think about how the discussions can be kept G-rated for the sake of the youngsters who come here.
I have always been the type of person who runs straight into the most turbulent part of the emotional storm.
The latest "series" I've been wanting to post about is how Christians can or should prepare themselves for marriage when they have an abusive past, and/or are marrying someone who has been abused.
I know there is a lot of thought within the Christian community that people just don't try hard enough to make marriages work, but I have always liked talking to people about real life vs. the mask we put on for others, and there are so many other factors going on behind the scenes.
People often talk to me about the sexual abuse they've gone through. The good Christian advice would be to talk over everything before you get married, but many people don't , or have, and found that it didn't help, or maybe don't even know what might go wrong until after they get married. I once talked to a young person who was thankful for their loving, Christian spouse, but found that a part of them had been conditioned from their childhood abuse, and it was greatly affecting their marriage. They really had no way of knowing this until after they married.
These are the kinds of topics I think people are dying to talk about (and are emotionally dying from), but on a family-friendly forum on which all ages have all access at all times, as much as I want to bring these discussions to the floor, I'd have to think of a way to do so in a manner that a parent would feel comfortable letting their child read.
There are many subjects I wish I could post about, and I've always been known to be a bit controversial, but I also have to think about how the discussions can be kept G-rated for the sake of the youngsters who come here.
I have always been the type of person who runs straight into the most turbulent part of the emotional storm.
The latest "series" I've been wanting to post about is how Christians can or should prepare themselves for marriage when they have an abusive past, and/or are marrying someone who has been abused.
I know there is a lot of thought within the Christian community that people just don't try hard enough to make marriages work, but I have always liked talking to people about real life vs. the mask we put on for others, and there are so many other factors going on behind the scenes.
People often talk to me about the sexual abuse they've gone through. The good Christian advice would be to talk over everything before you get married, but many people don't , or have, and found that it didn't help, or maybe don't even know what might go wrong until after they get married. I once talked to a young person who was thankful for their loving, Christian spouse, but found that a part of them had been conditioned from their childhood abuse, and it was greatly affecting their marriage. They really had no way of knowing this until after they married.
These are the kinds of topics I think people are dying to talk about (and are emotionally dying from), but on a family-friendly forum on which all ages have all access at all times, as much as I want to bring these discussions to the floor, I'd have to think of a way to do so in a manner that a parent would feel comfortable letting their child read.
Things like this weigh on my mind heavily. I think they are destroying marriages because no one in the church is really allowed to talk about it, and that's why I always feel so strongly that the really tough issues are exactly the ones we need to be discussing.
I've been wanting to write a current thread (I've tried writing others in the past) or even series about abuse and its effect on those who want to marry or are now married. I think it's such an important topic, because no one in the church is able to talk about what's really going on, literally behind closed doors.
For instance (and I'm certainly NOT saying this was your situation, Dino, I'm just using this as an ANONYMOUS example), I have talked to some men whose wives were sexually abused as children, but they never got involved with anyone until they married. And after they married... they discovered that even though it was now supposed to be ok, it made them feel dirty, used, and disgusting.
What is a loving Christian husband supposed to do? The church tells them that if they want to have sexual intimacy, they need to get married!!! So what happens when they follow all the rules, wait patiently for their beloved brides AFTER the wedding (AFTER it's a done deal, NO TURNING BACK), and the find out their wives are angry at them for trying to express that marital intimacy?
Now of course... there are now two people's feelings to take into consideration here: the wife is thinking, "If you loved me, you wouldn't try to do this and make me hate myself," and the husband is thinking, "What am I supposed to do... Live the rest of my life like a monk, even though I got married?!)
But all the church ever seems to tell people is, "Get married. You'll have God's grace to get you through. Don't you have enough faith? If God brought you together, He'll make a way. REMEMBER, GOD HATES DIVORCE!!!"
These are the kinds of stories I hear more and more of the older I get, and I know people are emotionally suffering and dying in silence.
This has always been the strongest call on my heart - to try to somehow help people who are going through the things that never get talked about.
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