Unbiblical Remarriage - In need of guidance.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?

You don't know your 2nd husband AT ALL. Considering you remarried shortly after divorcing the 1st one, you didn't take time to get to really know the 2nd one. You basically went from the frying pan straight into the fire. :/

Your 2nd marriage was adultery, so I don't think God would honor those vows. Either way, both of you cheated in your respective relationships. No offense, but you need to stay single, because all your relationships seem to end in disaster for all involved.

2nd hubby has too many issues, which are NOT yours to take on. God will help him ONLY if he WANTS to change. God cannot and will not force him to change. You're better off without him, and you need to work on YOUR own issues..

You have to forgive yourself. I believe the Lord's forgiveness is certainly there when we err...


From my reading you were unfaithful in the first and your second husband was unfaithful in the second. So there is nothing more to uphold. So, get some counseling about it and continue to bring it before the Lord.


Also consider the woman at the well that Jesus talked to. This is NOT an encouragement to continue in destructive behavior, but just to see that forgiveness is there, when sincere.

Do some self-inventory. Do some writing and do some reading

Hope this self-doubt lessens for you.

I come to you today seeking some advice. Here is my story:
I divorced my first husband in 2017. I was unfaithful. I make no excuses. I destroyed my family. I remarried shortly after to a man who was also unfaithful to his vows. Shortly after (actually immediately after) my second husband became extremely abusive. Emotional abuse progressed to his infidelity, sexual abuse, control, relentless accusations.. he began to act out on paranoid delusions stating that I was unfaithful with at least 30 different men.. that I was poising him and drugging children. Physical abuse. Involuntary mental health commitment. It all ended with complete abandonment about nine months after we wed. This man he turned into is just not the man that I knew. I remember when I was younger I was baptized, but I had no faith up until this point. I questioned Gods existence. I never paid any mind to how a Christian should live. This led me to self-medicating as I couldn’t take the depression anymore. My heart was shattered. I had lost everything. It was at that lowest point I called out to God for help, I truly believe he saved me. I have to forever live with the fact that my selfishness caused so much pain. I have asked God for forgiveness. I have apologized to my first husband and done all that I can to restore what he lost as a result of our divorce. Apologized to my children. I have also apologized to the wife my ex-husband left behind.

My abusive ex has moved away, back with family (his abuse came with legal consequences). He believed that divorcing me and moving back home would solve the problems that he was facing, as if God was punishing him for his adultery and the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me. His family, including his ex wife, enabled his behavior by downplaying his mental health struggles and blocked every attempt I made to get him help. (even though they warned me ahead of time that he struggled with severe depression and antisocial disorders). He was cold in his abandonment, and refused to even communicate for a while, yet maintained that he was devoting his life to God. Which I fully support, I’ve prayed that God would intervene in his life. He has apologized to me for the things he had done, but had no desire to reconcile or do anything to make things right (as he believes divorcing me. Recently, a concerned friend reached out to me because he had posted some things online that she thought I should know. He posted that his health was failing, he was unable to keep his job, that the doctors tell him his symptoms are all in his head and he was to the point where he prayed God would call him home. This broke my heart, despite the pain he put me through I don’t wish him harm. I think understanding his struggles a little better allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness with him.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?

I come to you today seeking some advice. Here is my story:
I divorced my first husband in 2017. I was unfaithful. I make no excuses. I destroyed my family. I remarried shortly after to a man who was also unfaithful to his vows. Shortly after (actually immediately after) my second husband became extremely abusive. Emotional abuse progressed to his infidelity, sexual abuse, control, relentless accusations.. he began to act out on paranoid delusions stating that I was unfaithful with at least 30 different men.. that I was poising him and drugging children. Physical abuse. Involuntary mental health commitment. It all ended with complete abandonment about nine months after we wed. This man he turned into is just not the man that I knew. I remember when I was younger I was baptized, but I had no faith up until this point. I questioned Gods existence. I never paid any mind to how a Christian should live. This led me to self-medicating as I couldn’t take the depression anymore. My heart was shattered. I had lost everything. It was at that lowest point I called out to God for help, I truly believe he saved me. I have to forever live with the fact that my selfishness caused so much pain. I have asked God for forgiveness. I have apologized to my first husband and done all that I can to restore what he lost as a result of our divorce. Apologized to my children. I have also apologized to the wife my ex-husband left behind.

My abusive ex has moved away, back with family (his abuse came with legal consequences). He believed that divorcing me and moving back home would solve the problems that he was facing, as if God was punishing him for his adultery and the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me. His family, including his ex wife, enabled his behavior by downplaying his mental health struggles and blocked every attempt I made to get him help. (even though they warned me ahead of time that he struggled with severe depression and antisocial disorders). He was cold in his abandonment, and refused to even communicate for a while, yet maintained that he was devoting his life to God. Which I fully support, I’ve prayed that God would intervene in his life. He has apologized to me for the things he had done, but had no desire to reconcile or do anything to make things right (as he believes divorcing me. Recently, a concerned friend reached out to me because he had posted some things online that she thought I should know. He posted that his health was failing, he was unable to keep his job, that the doctors tell him his symptoms are all in his head and he was to the point where he prayed God would call him home. This broke my heart, despite the pain he put me through I don’t wish him harm. I think understanding his struggles a little better allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness with him.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?

Do not go back to husband #2 under any circumstances. He is an abusive narcissist. He will not change, but he will draw you back, use you and then abuse you. In family dynamics, this is called The Cycle of Abuse. Please google these, and read up on it.

Which brings us to the second part. You need to get counselling. You left a good family and marriage for an abusive man. You knew nothing about him. You need to figure out what triggered this huge deviation from your normal life. If something is lacking, for example, you need to learn to not fill that hole with adulterous men, but fill it with Jesus. To recover from both these failed marriages, you need to spend at least one or two years on learning who you are. You might even need more time than that.

Even if you got back together with your first husband, you owe it to him and your kids to have worked towards becoming a whole person. You have already started that, with what seems like a real commitment to Christ. But you still have a lot of work to do.

The game is not finding the right man to make you happy. The goal is to figure out how you can love and serve God. So forget about all vows except the one you made to Christ. Read your Bible daily. If you read 3 chapters of the OT and 1 of the NT, you can get through the Bible in a year. Learn what it says, pray and seek God's will for your life. What if God told you to remain single the rest of your life? Would you do it?

Forget about the mess, and learn God's will. I know he will bring good out of it, and clean up the mess, too.

As far as your legalistic questions, work on your relationship with God. That is what matters above everything!