wishing for death

Now ya talking sis !

dont hug a monster...sorry that image is disturbing.

The spiritual man grows in a spiritual gym just as a physical man grows in a physical gym. The spiritual gym is church and spiritual things are lifting weights. The really bad thing is spirituality requires more work at first but as time goes on things become effortless. I struggled to fast and pray every day at first now i do it all the time. I hated walking to church, but now i do it all the time. It comes from within, you need to ask for God to help you to love him, and then invest in researching on his persona. It will help you a great deal. Good luck.

I know things might seem bad now but life is always changing I like to believe that God planned our lives out in a couple ways like in one of those choice games and the devil trys to lead us to the bad one, but the closer you get to to good one the harder he pushes you so misfortune and depression may means you are going the right direction so keep going and either God with take over or he will give up so....keep going

Sounds very similar to how I feel.

Hey there!, the name is matthew! Please don’t feel that way cause all life here is for a huge purpose, we are here and created to bring glory to the LORD and light to the world with our relationship with the almighty I know it’s hard! Trust me I get those blues at times myself! Especially when you’re trying to life a holy life in this evil world you know? But lean on the father in these moments that you think or feel like that because it’s the enemy trying to put you in a depression and his ultimate goal is to destroy you cause you have to remember that it’s a spiritual battle we’re fighting! The body of CHRIST is supposed to build each other up and be there for one another! I see you’re from Wisconsin and so am i, So as your fellow Wisconsinite, I’m on my knees praying for you in battle right now! Be encouraged, cause the LORD is coming back for you cause we are aliens to this world and the LORD is coming to save us very soon!

Hey HM

I have had these thoughts many times in the last 2 or 3 years and I have come to recognise them as spiritual attack and also a lack of trusting our Father. It's a deception. Fiery darts come into our minds and we accept them; but God has a plan and purpose for our lives and we must endure and trust Him through theses difficult times; we can then use our time for much needed prayer (He can show us what & who to pray for) and also we can spend this time reading His Word. I appreciate that there are times when you just don't feel like it and you are fed up, but further down the line the Lord may have someone He needs you to help, you could even save a life or be used to lead other souls to eternal salvation, but our enemy is a liar and a thief, he comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Last year my daughter (20) and I went to Spain on holiday. I had very long hair extensions in and we went along the beach and stopped for a drink. I only ever drink 1 alcoholic drink so as to never be drunk, but this was enough for my judgement to be impaired...
on the way back I decided to go in the sea for a quick swim and my daughter sat on the beach waiting for me. I could see some guys jumping up with the waves and I remembered how much fun it was when I was a kid so I thought I would have a go. The water became quite deep and I thought I would be able to swim towards the shore when the next big wave came but when I tried I couldn't, it pulled me back, I realise now that the hair extensions had absorbed a lot of water and were heavy. I am not strong and I knew I was in danger, I remembered someone once say the worst thing to do is panic, but I knew I was going to drown- I asked God to help me....I saw the nearest man in the sea to me, I shouted to him, "Help!"... he looked over and said, " Are you okay?" I said , "No" and I started crying. He quickly came to me and I reached out my hand. He pulled me towards the direction of the shire and asked again and I still said, " No"...
When I could stand up, I couldn't let go of his hand, he had to pull it away, and I told him I felt like I owed him my life and he smiled... I said," God bless you and then I cried all the way back to my daughter and thought how different it could have been for her... if her Mum never came back from the sea... I am still traumatised by it all even now and I have since thought that God took me at my word when I kept asking what the point of my life was... I am so sorry I said all those negative things about life and I take those thoughts captive now...
I am thankful for my life and I want God to use me. There are little girls and boys being sold into prostitution and terrible things happening all over this earth, surely God can use you and me to help someone somewhere even if it is just through prayer- this is a most important part of being one of God's priests for that is what the bible says we are. If all we could do is lay there and pray for the rest of our lives our lives would not have been in vain. Keep trusting dear sister and so will I. We are in a battle and we must seek Him for answers and keep holding up our shield of faith. If He came back today we would ask Him for more time to go and win all those souls that are going to Hell every day.
Dust yourself down and get back up and ask God to help and strengthen you ... and He will... and oneday it will all have been more than worth it, for to live is Christ and to die is gain and if all we have is Him, well He is our exceeding joy... and we just need to draw closer to Him and ask Him to show us what hinders us.

God bless❤️

🦋X

^^^very well said,
indeed, reading that feels like spiritual shower,
so to speak^^^

Wow Heart Melody

What a wonderful testimony😀I want to say sorry for not reading through all the posts before I commented lol but isn't it wonderful how all things work together for God's children and somehow the suffering you endured will hopefully be a help and an encouragement to someone else who reads all this🤗
Praise God....

Lots of love xx

Funny. I thought about asking if you folks that had read through the different post, as she had shared what God had dibe for her.
🤔 But I thought that this maybe help her in the future, should she need more encouragement and also that someone else might come along feeling the same way she did and may benifit from all of the continued support, hope and words of wisdom continued to place upon everyone's heart's that continued to post. Since I replied to the earlier posting, it popped up that someone (serveral someone's 🙂) had posted here.
Praise be to God for continuing to work through ya'll 🤠.

It got me thinking all this, that even though times of feeling depressed are dreadful, I find that there always ends up being a positive purpose to it eventually...❤️

@Heart_Melody, I can't help myself, I cried a bit when I read your post, I was feeling the same thing for several years, But God led me into realization that what matters in this life is what we do for Christ. I was so focused on my own feelings and I felt that no one cares, nobody's there for me, or that I don't matter at all, but you see we all matter to God, even if I feel so insignificant most of the time, God is always with me, even if I feel all alone in this world. There were times that I don't even want to wake up and face the day but God helped me understand that he is the reason we live, I get up to live for him, If I focus on living for myself I would only end up in disappointment because as human I know I am not content with what life has to offer, If I focus on what I feel I would only end up being depressed and sad and lonely, I used to think that this life is for us to be happy and be merry, but actually it is not, it is for Christ, not that we are not allowed to be happy, we can, with Christ we can, and that is what God intends and wills for us, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John10:10.
I know that being with God in heaven is our ultimate goal but while we are still on earth we can live for Christ, enjoy his presence, his words, his marvelous creation and cherish the life he has given us. People he gave us to share life with, To live for him, with him and by the power of his spirit that is working in us. God Loves you more than you will ever know. That is the truth and we are here for you. You are not alone, do not let the Devil steal your will to live.

so beautifully said....

I think the greatest war is between selfishness and God. Do you trust God or do you trust yourself?

The struggle is real and compromises are a daily battle. Can you see God work miracles daily or do you see yourself being more miserable every day?

Pastor Doug Bachelor said in one of his teachings, if you try to be a Christian without being in the spirit, than life will be a drudgery, or something along those lines.

Acts Chapter 16

22The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered that they be stripped and beaten with rods. 23And after striking them with many blows, they threw them into prison and ordered the jailer to guard them securely. 24On receiving this order, he placed them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks.

25About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. 26Suddenly a strong earthquake shook the foundations of the prison. At once all the doors flew open and everyone’s chains came loose.


https://biblehub.com/bsb/acts/16.htm

Can we still sing praises in bad times?

@Heart_Melody So glad to read about your deliverance.
Been there before. Not constantly, but I've had my times. Sometimes it was shorter, sometimes it lasted for years.
Spiritual life isn't so much learning, as it is unlearning things... unlearning the old is there the work is.
And whatever pain or trouble, our minds chatter grumble complain and make it even worse.
So when we suffer, we do not only suffer, but also have to suffer through our own thoughts about our own suffering.
If I feel depressed, my mind also goes "Ah, I feel so HORRIBLE!" Oh, will you shut up for once...
I am hoping to reach a purer state of mind as I learn to stay awake to God and spiritual reality that is around us...
God bless you and keep you

Heart_Melody I am rejoicing with you that you are doing better.

Thank you so much for being honest about what you've had to endure.

I went through trauma as a child which left me with low self esteem and anxiety.

For years I was unable to find employment. I was broke, hungry, afraid, depressed. You name it. I felt like a colossal failure. I cried often and had head aches. I felt tortured in my soul.

I wanted to die, but I thought about my mother. I wondered how she would get on without me. (She is 78yrs old now, and I'm here wondering how I would possibly ever get on without her)

Today I have a job, and I am hopeful. And little by little with the help of God, I try to move ahead in life.

I pray that God will always give you a loving touch to bring you back from despair, and that no matter what happens you'll be able to hold on to your faith.

And its good when we can talk about what we are going through because we never know who we might be encouraging. God can see our hearts, so pretending won't do. But when we are honest we bless each other, and also receive strength for ourselves.

Even Jesus said, my God my God why have you forsaken me? Matthew 27:46 His disciples couldn't even stay up with him to pray, and they all abandoned Him.

Jesus knows sorrow. We can be sure of that. And so he sympathies with us. That is why we can cast all our burdens on Him. We can be honest about what we are going through.

Hold on till the end Heart_Melody. All things are possible with God.

Do you feel this way because of the Condition of the World around us?

I did not realize that everyone was still commenting on this post.
I happened to realize it as I was just curious to see if there were any messages on here I should respond to.



Well on an update note - I got much much worse that when I first had sent this message.
I saw my physician and he recognized that I needed to see his Counselor - We speak about once a month now.
Not long after meeting her I decided that Christianity just is not the way for me to go any longer.

And since I have left this behind I have been happier and more at peace than I can remember. I do thank you all for your encouraging messages. For reaching out and sharing your wisdom and experiences and I do really hope that they will help people. It looks like many people have read through the thread and been reminded either of one thing or another thing.


I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I spent so many years on a religion/practice that brought me so little joy - based on a fear instilling teaching. But I mean, fretting is also not smart, because I would just waste even more time that I could have spent following and practicing something that I belong to.


Realizing that this somehow makes me damned in all your eyes, I have to say - I am also okay with that. I do not want to waste this life being miserable and then find out that Hell and Heaven never even existed. What a waste of time, for me.
But naturally if this is your path - if it truly delights you to do your devotions, to defend the bible and the things you believe in, then that does make me happy for you. It just isn't for me.


So thanks once more for kindness here - I did not want to disappear without telling you how thankful I truly am for the time you all took to speak a prayer, to write a note or message to me and to encourage me at a time when I was so low.


Love,
HM

I don’t understand why people receive fear instilling teaching when God is all about the prince of peace. He loves us so much and we all are the ones that twist things up.

I would never see anyone damned because I try to see everyone how God sees us. I will say He gives us free will to make choices that gives us consequences good and bad. Eternity is a long time... much much more than on earth. I don’t say this to make anyone fearful, but in hopes to embrace love, peace, and security in Christ. He did all the work, all we have to do is accept it and try to live for Him.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

God is love and is perfect... He drives out fear.