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when my mum says to me and my sister we ought to get married we are like...WHY?!
and she cant give a good reason.
its not like shes made any effort whatsoever to find any husbands for us. or wives for my brothers.
we all had to find jobs on our own too. A job/career is a better thing to do than a marriage in many respects. So many people who marry find it unfulfilling...well most women find they are worse off. The only positive thing to come from it really is children
and she cant give a good reason.
its not like shes made any effort whatsoever to find any husbands for us. or wives for my brothers.
we all had to find jobs on our own too. A job/career is a better thing to do than a marriage in many respects. So many people who marry find it unfulfilling...well most women find they are worse off. The only positive thing to come from it really is children
adam and eve didnt really have a great marriage after being banished from the garden. It all went downhill from there, Adam had to work long hours toiling and Eve had to bear all the children and they ended up killing each other. Its a bit of a horror story really. and there was nobody else around for support.
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Ok.. sorry for the novel, but i've been thinking about this thread a lot.
How do you u make a real connection with a "prospective" date in the digital age?
This is such a great question!
I personally think that with a lot of wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit, online filtering/connecting BEFORE dating can be a true blessing.
I think that if you are a part of a dating site where your personal information is not available until you choose to reveal it, this can be a great thing. You can really take your time, seriously, take a LOT of time!!!!...and meet some great people. (and some real creepy people too, so yeah, it's an ocean and so you need to be wise for sure!) You can learn a lot about yourself too. It can be a confidence builder as you learn to say no, or "walk away" from unhealthy signs in people before you even THINK of giving someone your e-mail, FB profile name or eventually phone number.... let alone go out with the person.
If you think about what it's like to meet a guy at church.. even if you hang out in groups, there is just that magnetizing thing that can happen for NO good reason. It is so premature, but attraction happens and can be very misleading. I think it can cloud thinking from the very start.
If you end up on a date with this person, #1, it CAN be expensive. (doesn't have to be... but many times, it's an investment in going out). In just a few hours, you've got to decide if you want to keep texting throughout the week, go out again...or NOT...and THEN if not, you have to find a gentle way of saying this, because you will keep seeing the person at church in the weeks to come. Annnnd... if you're toooo gentle they may not get the point.
Plus there is just the MEGA awkward that can be going on. Yeah.
I'm not saying that meeting someone at church is a bad idea, but these are just some things to think about.
IF you get to know someone online? You can really take your time in observing the person. You can see what their behavior patterns are like. You see how pushy they are. Are they patient? How much information do they divulge? Do they seem desperate? Are they always complaining? Do they present with a ton of baggage? Do they get angry easily or seem possessive? Anyone who is wanting an e-mail address or phone number right off the bat is giving you MAJOR warning signs and a lot of information. This is a GREAT thing in my opinion and you can have super great boundaries and sneak out of the interaction quite easily.
You can get so much information with much less awkwardness, if you're really observing the right things.
Then, if you DO want to share your e-mail address/FB profile and eventually phone number, you can continue to have great conversations before you would ever go out.
If you DO end up wanting to meet someone you met online, this may sound old fashioned, but I would have them meet you with your friends in a public place, or have a friend nearby... but keep it in a public place. Have them attend church with you, or go to the zoo, or just do something really low key, so you can continue to let your 'feelers' do their job. Also, rather than having your date pick you up, you can meet each other somewhere. This keeps it low key, keeps it at a slower pace, and keeps you safe.
If this person is really someone that you can see a part of your life potentially, you want to see how they fit into your actual life... (and you in their life). Don't rush anything, and keep healthy boundaries. If someone is your potential 'guy' he will respect you for it. If he doesn't respect you for it, this gives you a lot of great information.
This is just my opinion, hope it may provide helpful pieces in your search for healthy relationships and potential dates.
How do you u make a real connection with a "prospective" date in the digital age?
This is such a great question!
I personally think that with a lot of wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit, online filtering/connecting BEFORE dating can be a true blessing.
I think that if you are a part of a dating site where your personal information is not available until you choose to reveal it, this can be a great thing. You can really take your time, seriously, take a LOT of time!!!!...and meet some great people. (and some real creepy people too, so yeah, it's an ocean and so you need to be wise for sure!) You can learn a lot about yourself too. It can be a confidence builder as you learn to say no, or "walk away" from unhealthy signs in people before you even THINK of giving someone your e-mail, FB profile name or eventually phone number.... let alone go out with the person.
If you think about what it's like to meet a guy at church.. even if you hang out in groups, there is just that magnetizing thing that can happen for NO good reason. It is so premature, but attraction happens and can be very misleading. I think it can cloud thinking from the very start.
If you end up on a date with this person, #1, it CAN be expensive. (doesn't have to be... but many times, it's an investment in going out). In just a few hours, you've got to decide if you want to keep texting throughout the week, go out again...or NOT...and THEN if not, you have to find a gentle way of saying this, because you will keep seeing the person at church in the weeks to come. Annnnd... if you're toooo gentle they may not get the point.
Plus there is just the MEGA awkward that can be going on. Yeah.
I'm not saying that meeting someone at church is a bad idea, but these are just some things to think about.
IF you get to know someone online? You can really take your time in observing the person. You can see what their behavior patterns are like. You see how pushy they are. Are they patient? How much information do they divulge? Do they seem desperate? Are they always complaining? Do they present with a ton of baggage? Do they get angry easily or seem possessive? Anyone who is wanting an e-mail address or phone number right off the bat is giving you MAJOR warning signs and a lot of information. This is a GREAT thing in my opinion and you can have super great boundaries and sneak out of the interaction quite easily.
You can get so much information with much less awkwardness, if you're really observing the right things.
Then, if you DO want to share your e-mail address/FB profile and eventually phone number, you can continue to have great conversations before you would ever go out.
If you DO end up wanting to meet someone you met online, this may sound old fashioned, but I would have them meet you with your friends in a public place, or have a friend nearby... but keep it in a public place. Have them attend church with you, or go to the zoo, or just do something really low key, so you can continue to let your 'feelers' do their job. Also, rather than having your date pick you up, you can meet each other somewhere. This keeps it low key, keeps it at a slower pace, and keeps you safe.
If this person is really someone that you can see a part of your life potentially, you want to see how they fit into your actual life... (and you in their life). Don't rush anything, and keep healthy boundaries. If someone is your potential 'guy' he will respect you for it. If he doesn't respect you for it, this gives you a lot of great information.
This is just my opinion, hope it may provide helpful pieces in your search for healthy relationships and potential dates.
I feel the same way. I miss the old ways. Online dating can be pit of quicksand. It's easy to build up a fantasy about someone, and fall for that fantasy. And then you meet and they are totally different from what you expected. It creates this image that we can shop around for what we want.
It used to be that people would learn to adapt to differences, because no two people are 100% compatible. There's always some difference. But now we get in this mindset that if we aren't 100%, we can easily jump off to someone else. There's this illusion of "something better" out there. We keep chasing this "something better". But we miss out on actually building a relationship with a real person. Instead, we're chasing a fantasy "ideal" that doesn't exist.
People expect their partners to be everything, and it sets them up for misery because it's a lot of pressure. I'm not saying that people should take the first person to come around, but we're so obsessed with this idealized relationship which is a lot of pressure on both people.
It used to be that people would learn to adapt to differences, because no two people are 100% compatible. There's always some difference. But now we get in this mindset that if we aren't 100%, we can easily jump off to someone else. There's this illusion of "something better" out there. We keep chasing this "something better". But we miss out on actually building a relationship with a real person. Instead, we're chasing a fantasy "ideal" that doesn't exist.
People expect their partners to be everything, and it sets them up for misery because it's a lot of pressure. I'm not saying that people should take the first person to come around, but we're so obsessed with this idealized relationship which is a lot of pressure on both people.
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Here I am , 27 years old still believing God will send me his desired partner for me I don't know how and where and when but I believe His the creator he can make the impossible possible. I am in a church with about 50- 70 members almost made of three to four families there is no chance for me there but yet I feel when the time comes He will bring the man he want for me wherever He will pick. I don't know how his going to do it all I know is his ways are mysterious to us.
I have realised the biggest challenge Christians singles have to fight and overcome is finding a Godly partner who understand fornication is a sin. This is one reason why most of us are up and down in our faith and holy life.
I have realised the biggest challenge Christians singles have to fight and overcome is finding a Godly partner who understand fornication is a sin. This is one reason why most of us are up and down in our faith and holy life.
My husband and i met online, but it wasn't through a dating website or app, so the usual may not apply. it went from email to texting to phone calls. we met in person 5 months after initial contact. i think what helped us out a lot was that we communicated as friends. it didn't progress to more until after we met in person. i mean, i already liked him by then lol but i prayed for the Lord to help me keep my feet on the ground and not fall into wishful thinking. after all, we were just friends.
i never tried dating sites or apps but i figured there's a kind of pressure that come with them. maybe not? idk.
i never tried dating sites or apps but i figured there's a kind of pressure that come with them. maybe not? idk.
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Wait, who is getting married?
My good friend got married and had a kid or two. The last time I saw him he said, my life is over. Last time I talked to him he sounded quite defeated and angry. This can't be the norm, this is rare sentiment right?!?!
My good friend got married and had a kid or two. The last time I saw him he said, my life is over. Last time I talked to him he sounded quite defeated and angry. This can't be the norm, this is rare sentiment right?!?!
It is just extremely important to have the right foundation in place to build upon before two people say 'I do, I will' before God.