Fear of marriage

PC123 · Sep 3, 2020

Marriage consists of compromises made by both parties... The riskiest thing about getting married for a man is the potential for divorce... With half of the marriages in America ending up in divorce it is something that you should consider... Men hardly ever file for divorce, it's nearly always the woman... The reason for this is the heavily bias court system which favours the woman over the man...

She will win custody of the kids leaving you with just a few measly hours a week to be with them and you are expected to keep working hard to pay her way of life... Also the way the law is now means that she can actually spin whatever lie she can without any evidence and the man will get punished... She can stop you having any involvement in your kids life while you have to keep working to pay her...

TheIndianGirl · Sep 3, 2020

PC123 said:

Men don't file for divorce because subconsciously they feel responsibility towards the woman (as head of household), so she is a bit like his "property" that he needs to tend. This is why men are fine with affairs on the side but still won't divorce the wife; these type of men feel as long as he is providing, he is doing his duty as a husband. This is especially true in the third world.

I know traditionally the court favored women (since they were generally housewives or lower-income), but I don't think that is the case anymore if women are making about the same and especially higher.

On custody issues, the courts feel that the mom is a better caregiver especially if the child is young. Maybe they should increase the time more equally between mother and father, if that is what the child wants as well, as the child grows older.

TravelerInTheWilderness · Sep 3, 2020

My greatest fear of marriage is being married for so many years, and then, one day, my wife comes up to me out of the blue and tells me she wants a divorce.

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

TravelerInTheWilderness said:

Man that would just totally suck..😢😢😢

LittleMermaid · Sep 3, 2020

I'm afraid to get married, have kids and then have to take care of the entire household by myself. I've seen this happen with family members and friends and coworkers. The woman will marry and have children and still has to work outside the home. Then she comes home to cook, clean and look after the kids...because the husband can't be bothered to help. I'm not saying all men are like this...but I'm guessing a lot of them don't help with domestic duties. And that's so unfair. The idea of marriage is really off putting to me sometimes...especially when I see how hard the women around me work.
Also, when you are married, it's like you lose some of your freedom. You won't be able to eat whatever you want, you have to take care of someone else, you have to meet in the middle on everything. You will have to compromise.
So yeah...I have major fears of marriage. lol That is probably an understatement. I purposely stay far away from any opportunities to meet a man. Even though I'm 30, I don't feel ready for marriage.

TabinRivCA · Sep 3, 2020

My goodness, hopefully wise people marry the right person and 'fear' is not an issue, period. Said with love, btw, and experience

.

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

LittleMermaid said:

Great response and I love your openness it's just amazing how diverse views are about things.Yes unfortunately there are some men who dont help out the running of the home domestically leaving the dear wife to be running around then at the end of the day when shes tired and emotionally drained...hes still expecting sex with her!🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
To be honest in terms of Christian men and women there isnt enough exposure to teaching about manhood and womanhood from a biblical perspective and sometimes things like power struggle,marital role misguidance ect can easily happen.
Yet there are many Christian men would be supportive and care from their family and would share all the responsibilities.Some women have also been raised to believe it's a womans role to do the housework take the kids to school,wash,cook,clean bla bla and wouldn't feel it was right that the man shares these things with her...the devils such a liar.
Feeling not ready for marriage is perfectly fine for anyone to feel and may God help you realise that as you are living for him he knows your concerns and will most definitely bring someone into your life who will definitely make your heart smile.

Lanolin · Sep 3, 2020

no to mowing lawns and no to vaccuming. They have now invented robot vacummers and mowers that do it all for you.

I dont have a fear of marriage as there is nobody I want to marry. I think if I DID want to marry someone but was fearful of them that would be a BAD sign.

I heard this story in school today - one of the teachers was saying none of the boys wanted to put their name in to win a gift to give to their dads for Fathers day. why. Because they HATE their dads as their dads beat up their mum.
It was the saddest story and these kids are only 5 or 6 years old and have already witnessed so much violence. Mind you these are not christian dads but already these children are living in broken homes. sme people are so desperate to marry, they would even give up their faith and convert to someone elses just to be married, I cant imagine that.

Kireina · Sep 3, 2020

I don't know, but i heard a few stories about men were the ones who feared marriage than women but I believe it's not because of some lil things like snoring,remote control ownership,sweaty palms or smelly socks 😂

I am not scared it is the other way around I am excited thinking about it... To finally get married and live with my husband, makes my heart beat a lil bit faster 😁

I don't know if I am 100% ready to look beyond his imperfecions. I don't know if he is ready to look beyond my imperfections in the future. But I know a few things about marriage and love... that marriage is not always easy, that when you love someone you are always ready to forgive, you are willing to learn you are willing to grow with your spouse and willing to serve one another in love for the rest of your life...

Isn't it nice to know that you have someone beside you...? Someone to hold when life is rough,..? Someone who will celebrate with you and cry with you?... I think that is nice 😍

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

Kireina said:

Sweaty palms and smelly socks..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.yes you are right in the latter half of your comments for sure..since intimate relationships are Gods idea in the 1st place the who thing can never be wrong..yet in Christ there is a definite way that a marriage can bear tremendous fruit..👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Marriage is ministry and when two people are allowing God to guide them ect..it cance a beautiful thing..plus God changes us to become more christ like too so what things we may worry about now..may well .melt away ..👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Kireina · Sep 3, 2020

Encouragement said:

Sweaty palms and smelly socks..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes you are right in the latter half of your comments /QUOTE]

Why 😁 what's not right in the first half of my comment 😁 here's what I'm gonna say about it... If you haven't smelled smelly socks yet probably you haven't found true love yet... 😉😆🤣🤣

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

🤣🤣🤣🤣...oh I have smelt smelly socks once..but morning breath..heck no..
Now there's an interesting though...we should only be exposes to a partners morning breath when we are married..coz we shouldn't be waking up next to a Romantic partner on the same bed unless married..👍
Amazing how such a fleeting comment such as mentioning morning breath gave me such insght..😉😉😉

melita916 · Sep 3, 2020

each season can be a blessing from the Lord. as a single, i loved being able to do what i wanted without having to consult with anyone. did i want to buy something? all i had to do was make sure i had the funds for it lol. if i wanted to have a lazy day and just watch movies, that's exactly what i did lol. if i wanted to meet up with friends, i just grabbed my purse and keys and headed out.

but married life is sweet, yet challenging. the Lord has used my husband to encourage me and challenge me. i'm sure the Lord has used me the same way with him. we pray with and for each other. we minister together in the music team at our local assembly. we laugh ALL the time lol. we've had tough moments, but with the help from the Holy Spirit, we were able to come to an agreement that glorifies the Lord.

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

melita916 said:

Yes I agree that when you were single you were not accountable to anyone for your actions and just got on with things like a free spirited woman.😊
Marriage is a ministry and most definitely life changing in every way and it sound like your marriage dynamic is a real blessing despite lifes ups and downs..👏🏻👏🏻🙏🏻😊

melita916 · Sep 3, 2020

we've been married for almost 3.5 years. we have faced challenges, but i know there are more to come.

one thing i've noticed is that i see parts of myself i didn't know even existed... or better yet, i refused to address in my heart because... it didn't affect anyone. i see how selfish i can be... or prideful... etc.

as iron sharpens iron....

Encouragement · Sep 3, 2020

That's what ita all about though..marriage will alway reveal more about our real selves and having God use someone else to make us more Godly ect is a blessing.Sometines we can even surprise ourselves thinking."Gosh I didnt think I would react that way!"

IToreTheSky · Sep 3, 2020

laughingheart said:

I will speak from my heart. I am no longer married but I think that marriage can be a beautiful thing. Marriage by itself is not good or bad on its own. It depends what both people bring to the relationship. It is like friendships. You can be terribly hurt, grow apart or find that friend who helps you see the beauty in yourself that you've never seen or forgotten.
The difficulty is that a marriage is a union of two flawed people. There are no other options. If both of you are sincere in wanting to grow in Christ, if you want the happiness of the other person, if you are kind, gentle, honest, faithful, hopeful, living the fruit of the spirit, it can be phenomenal. One of the keys is each person's ability to forgive, because there are times when we will disappoint each other. We will not always be at our best or meet the other person's expectation. There will be pain. There will be crisis. Why do it? Because it is amazing to know that to someone else, you are the sun, moon and stars. It is wonderful to know that you have a hand to hold to face the world, to know that that person wants to cheer your victories and hold you in the dark times. It is great to explore the world together and to share it all. It feels great to have someone who knows what makes you laugh, what will encourage you and help you to reflect.
One of the hard parts of marriage is that it holds a mirror up to you when you least expect or want it. That is also one of the most valuable things. It is how we grow. When it is done with love, it makes you a better person. We need the encouragement, support, challenge and responsibility. We need lives that are not all about our own wants. We need to learn to give and compromise. A life with sacrifice grows us as Christians. It can't be a power play. Love, pray,forgive, grow, laugh and love some more. Marriage can be a beautiful things if it is a commitment to do the hard and precious work of love.

Bravo!!!! Very well said

Fundamental · Sep 4, 2020

Is marriage today the same as it was in our Lord’s time?
Jesus clearly said many are best not to marry. But then Paul said some should get marry when they can’t resist their lover.

“Better to marry then to burn”.

But is being married not the same is a commitment of faith and loyalty to eachother? You declare your love and keep your vows.
If you both declare that to eachother before God, is that not the same as getting married before the state and later on the church?

We are engaged for over a year. Not out of doubt or any love issues. We just don’t want all that stress surrounding it and planning and show. We even considered leaving people out but that would be of course offensive.

Marriage today is not the same as it once was I believe.

Encouragement · Sep 4, 2020

Fundamental said:

Is marriage today the same as it was in our Lord’s time?
Jesus clearly said many are best not to marry. But then Paul said some should get marry when they can’t resist their lover.

“Better to marry then to burn”.

But is being married not the same is a commitment of faith and loyalty to eachother? You declare your love and keep your vows.
If you both declare that to eachother before God, is that not the same as getting married before the state and later on the church?

We are engaged for over a year. Not out of doubt or any love issues. We just don’t want all that stress surrounding it and planning and show. We even considered leaving people out but that would be of course offensive.

Marriage today is not the same as it once was I believe.

So in view of what your comments you won't be getting married after all..but will just stay in the relationship as "engaged"?..just asking to clarify

feijoa · Sep 4, 2020

Fear of marriage

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