Are You More Attracted to the Happy-Go-Lucky Type, or the Tortured Soul?

Questions like this are why I stay away from romantic relationships. What I know about me is that I need to hash things out and deal with them. A while ago I had to read this book about cross cultural stuff and in addition to the many aspects of culture that like every book covers, this one talked about crisis vs non-crisis orientation in a culture. And to sum up crisis oriented people are the ones who think about what could go wrong and make plans to mitigate the negative effects, and non-crisis oriented people are those who think things are just fine, until the moment of crisis is upon them and then they deal with it as best they can in the moment. I don't know if I'm completely doing justice to that dichotomy because I'm so crisis oriented it I think non-crisis orientation is stupidity.

All that to say, I couldn't be with someone who was non-crisis oriented and doubt I'd even be seriously attracted. But I know I do have a soft spot for those guys ( a couple guys from the past spring to mind in particular ) who are struggling and wounded but have a few good characteristics as well and I can get very caught up in wanting to do whatever I can to see hope and healing come to them. So far I've been wise enough to remember that I'm not the savior and that compassion does not equal romance and haven't dated or really gotten romantically entangled with any such guys, but it is something I need to keep my guard up on. One of the best resources I read on this can be summarized by saying if your main motivations in the relationship are fear, obligation, and guilt then it's not a good and healthy relationship.

And all that put together plus the opinions I hear from other people makes me think that if I ever were to venture into the dating arena I would be so cautious and distant in the early stages of getting to know someone that I'd probably be the world's most frustrating date ( and not make it to the later stages, so I guess it's good I believe in a God who works miracles ).

I think it is safe to say Socrates would not put Cinder in the dreamer crowd.

Hey Everyone,

When it comes to romantic attraction, do you tend to be more drawn to the "happy-go-lucky" (optimistic, cheerful, able to shrug off adversity, the glass is always half-full types,) or are you more taken in by a thorn-laden, tortured soul?

I know there are no absolute answers and mostly in-betweens, but I was pondering this question for myself and thought it would be interesting to see what you all have to say about your own preferences.

I also realize that because of sin and the way the world is today, "happy-go-lucky" types might also be nearly impossible to find. We ALL have thorns in our souls somewhere, so I guess what I'm really thinking about is the way people react to or deal with them.

For years, I was like a moth to the flame when it came to pain-laden, tortured souls because I used to think that there was something I could do to help, which is what I found fulfilling.

Over the years, one of the most important lessons I've learned (through a lot of trial and error, and mostly error,)is that some people cling on to their thorns tightly and don't want them removed (because it brings them attention or benefit - just look at daytime talk shows or even within the church.) And, even if a thorn is removed, its beholder might take out all the resulting pain on the one who is trying to help, or is closest to them.

Because of this, it's made be a lot more cautious about whom I get close to (whether in friendships or dating,) though it hasn't really changed my "nature" or preference. When it comes to romantic attraction especially, I am still often drawn to a tortured soul who is genuinely trying his best, while not making excuses or blaming others for his own subsequent choices.

I know it sounds crazy, but I wonder if I would feel rather useless if the other person didn't need me to somehow help him with his thorns.

And, it has me thinking about how I deal with my own thorns as well.

How about the rest of you?

* Are you more attracted to positive, optimistic people, or the darker, brooding types, and why do you think that is?

* On which end of the scale do you consider your own self to be?

* If you are attracted to those on one side of the scale, do you think you would, or could be, attracted to the opposite? (Or at least, someone who is more of what you normally attracted to.) Why or why r?

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Interesting thread here.I believe that all of us have various personal struggles that we are aware of that could have a big impact to a relationship in one way or another.Someone can see us as a tortured soul but we can't see it for ourselves..
Personally what can draw me to a person really depends on the individual because some people who are optimistic all the time can occasionally gloss over issues with a flood of superficial positivity instead of digging deeper and facing things head on..and also those who have lots of thorns can also be hurtful and could treat you unfairly at times coz when you get too close to a thorn...you will get pierced.Sometimes its not the struggles that's the issues...
...but rather how this individual feels about their struggles that actually defines them.
A tortured soul is also a person wounded by life and yet they can also be very sweet and delightfully endearing and can love you to death despite what they are going through. Some people would love to meet someone who will actually listen to them and take them seriously and you manifesting such traits is beautiful in their eyes..even christlike and they can sincerely fall in love with you not because of what they gain from you...because of who you actually are.
A partner who can encourage and even minister to another is a God given dynamic...but wisdom is needed as another persons need can appeal to our need to be wanted and validated ect...which in itself can be a reflection of our own insecurity.
I think it's good to be able to approach life in realistic way ..example...
If one has body dysmorphia and wants to open up about this to the other person but the other person just keeps quoting scripture at them instead of letting them open up and share their struggles with body image or how they think they are ugly ect is a reflection of the optimistic person being unable to manage the emotional weight of another...so their optimistic view on life can also be at times rooted in a form of escapism.
I could be attracted to either type to be honest...what would define the attraction will depend on the individual coz we are all unique.
There is joy in meeting a realist...Yet there is also joy in meeting an optimistic too.I guess it's more a case of what kind of optimistic are they...?..what kind of tortured soul are they..?