strategies for dealing with...the difficult mother

...what do you do, even if shes abused you and will never stop giving you a hard time?

The door I speak about is not for anyone to barge in on. Again, no one should tolerate abuse. The door is your heart, your willingness to wait and to understand there are significant things yet to come. It is your willingness to offer this issue in prayer, both for yourself and your mother. Keeping the door open is refusing to conclude that what is now, must always be. Protect yourself but keep your heart open to the unexpected miracle that may yet come. Don't put God in a box. Don't stop caring.

(Sorry if this is too preachy, I just have a perspective).

Long story made short. I had a lifetime struggle with an alcoholic father. He got sick and was not doing well. I received a brief message from God. Brief but overwhelming; it was like being soaked in a tsunami. "Go forgive your father!" I did not want to, but when He tells you to do something, choice is really not on the table.

I went and told my Father that I loved him and forgave him, all while crying like a baby. What followed was the only real conversation I ever had with my father. I sat on the edge his bed and we talked for a long time. An awful lot of healing took place that morning. He died three days later.

Only a God of love and grace could have made that happen, I thank him with joy for that conversation.

Worst comes to worst...if you ever get married, I'm sure your spouse will set some boundaries.

If not? Idk, people seem to change quite a bit as they age into certain brackets so that's something to keep in mind too as a boon.

My father didn't live long enough for me to set boundaries (16/45) and my relationship with my mother does require some (mostly for her benefit) but I'm not a female so maybe I can't relate.

I'm afraid I just can't relate. I was so blessed with the parents I had. I'm sad to see you have a dysfunctional relationship.

My mother wasn't perfect. But she was the best. My two parents were the best friends I ever had in the world and both have passed away.

But I was blessed and not everybody was blessed with the wonderful parents I had. The odd thing is, both of them rather disliked their own parents. My mother confessed to absolutely hating her father and my father's parents were drinkers and his mother somewhat derelict. They didn't have great role models but somehow managed to be strong wonderful parents to me and my sisters.

I was separated from Mom until I was almost six. When I met her she said "hello" and "now you will change".

I tried and tried, she never approved of anything I tried. When she passed away I bought a huge dog, a backpack tent, and a backpack and went on a very isolated wilderness trail. I yelled at her at the top of my voice "I was created by God and you have no right to change what God created". My life immediately seemed to straighten out.

Does anybody have this, well you are not alone
How do you cope though

Its not that you can ever leave or run away from your mother as she will always find a way even if you moved a continent away.

And you cannot always please or placate your mother, as your efforts will never be 'good enough' if you are not deemed 'the golden child' who can do no wrong (if this is you, maybe theres another downside to always being right or being the one who gets away with everything)

Please share.
I have come to accept that some mothers will never be the ideal mothers that we dream of, who do basic mother things like encourage us when we are down or comfort us. But its a hard road and that hole is always there wanting filled. There will also come a time when your mother is ill or unwell and then family obligation look after her will kick in, what do you do, even if shes abused you and will never stop giving you a hard time?