It's good to be single.

Well, I've heard someone say from the pulpit that you can't really understand the image of god without being married, because god created us in his image male and female. Part of me wanted to confront him and ask him to explain how Jesus didn't truly understand the image of god. And I've heard assertions from people here and there trying to say that marriage makes you a better person- but while it might have helped make them a better person, all you have to do is take a look around to see that it's not marriage itself that does that.

This is very much scripture-wise.

Marriage itself is wonderful. God made it as part of His design for great reason.


Before I was a christian, I actually had a bias against marriage and women in general. I had only seen how evil and selfish and destructive worldly women can be. Even my family.
When I ended up dating in unbelief I was hurt in the same ways I saw all those around me hurt by women. The men and children and anyone they could take advantage of or use for gain.



When I became a christian I still had a chip on my shoulder unknowingly.

After starting to fellowship and try to share what I was learning in scripture and any questions that I didn't feel I had answers to, I had the pleasure of meeting many of Gods daughters who may not be perfect but would shine brightly and remind me so much of the changes He made in me.


It was then I knew I COULD marry God willing, the fear and disgust I had was ... not applied to all women anymore but to the evils of our own hearts and flesh. Just as God can change us, He can change anyone and correct them.


If you happened to find a woman who looks to Him for correction and accepts proper leadership, I think it would be a good time to pray for growth so you can not only be ready to lead but appreciate what a blessing marriage really is and not take it for granted as it seems you would now.



In my only relationship as a christian.... I remember praying often.

I would pray and pray and pray and ask God, "Is this woman right for me Lord? Can you show me so I know Father?" and similar prayers sometimes for hours...


After months of this on and off and me worrying or maybe us needing to work through things... I remember an instant understanding and sense of... guilt. I felt convicted.

I was praying wrong. I never once asked if I was right for this woman in those first few months. It brought me to tears but I then wanted to be better for her. I wanted to care as much for her future, as our future or my future.


Marriage isn't the problem. It is everything God made it to be. If we are so blessed with a chance to marry, I hope all of us can remember how precious it is and not take it, or our other half for granted.

Never said marriage was the problem- this thread was never about condemning marriage or married people. What it is about is about is casting down an imagination that marriage and married people are somehow superior to being single or single people. It's an imagination that the enemy puts in the face of single people to try and make them feel inadequate and doubt their completeness in Christ AND an imagination that he puts in the face of married people to try and get them to treat singles with contempt. But why should we let him steal our joy?

Christians can be different. What kills relationships in most cases is unforgiveness. Offending one another is inevitable. It's how the offence is dealt with that matters. We MUST forgive. It is not optional. It applies as believers anyway, but the consequences for marriage are severe.

Researchers have found that a good marriage can turn sour in a year or so. It's not a long time. I know couples who are best of friends after decades of marriage. Some are not believers.

Unforgivness will fester and turn to bitterness and resentment. It can have physical effects, including arthritis. If you have trouble forgiving, let me know. I have a link to an article that will enable you to forgive anything, not matter how deeply hurt you may be.

My other suggestion is that anyone contemplating marriage check out Mark Gungor. Any married couple who wants to know why men and women are different should also check him out. As a bonus, he's very funny and entertaining.

i personally dont have problems forgiving.

I think some married people do have problems forgiving though and just stay bitter and resentful then take it out on their children. I dont like seeing that, if you have problems in your marriage you both sort it out, like adults but you dont then start abusing or neglecting your children.

I think the worst cases Ive seen is where children start becoming violent or bullying and its because of their parents troubled marriages.
If parents dont love each other enough to talk to each other or even be in the same room, children are not going to learn forgiveness in their lives at the most basic level. I think its a given that men and women are different, no two people are exactly the same, even if they are twins.

i think praying that God changes you to be a good husband or a good wife is better than praying that a good wife or husband will be given to you if you want to be married.

The qualities of being a wife (helper) or husband (caretaker) can be had even if you are NOT married to anyone. for example anyone whos worked as an assistant is a helper. Its like being a wife.

likewise if you look after animals, you become good at animal husbandry. Thats part of being a husband, looking after things, people, animals, land.

Why does that inspire you?

I fully concur. I pray each day to be a loving and faithful husband.

What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.

Marriage definitely is all of those things and more.

Whether or not the apostle Paul was formerly married or not, he choose to stay single.

Anna in the Bible was married 7 years, then became a widow for the rest of her life, serving in the temple.

And yet God deemed her as being worthy enough to be one of the handful of people who were able to see, hold, and recognize God's Messiah as an infant.

No, married people are not superior.

I am in a position where I have literally given up my entire life's direction to care for the married in my family because I am always seen as easy collateral damage that can be sacrificed.

Despite my decades of earnest pleading, God chooses to keep me single, and has told me to go and take care of my family.

I know many singles who give up their lives for their married friends and family, and are never even acknowledged.

I absolutely do not believe in any way that God sees singles as inferior to the married.

May God see, hear, and have compassion on the plight of singles who give up everything for the married around us, and yet they continuously treat us as lesser human beings.

It saddens me that singles are seen as being so worthless within the church.

All the single friends I have know all about these things and more, because they are providing for/raising and caring for family members, whether young children, cousins, elderly parents, etc.

Most do so without any help or support from a partner, no one to listen to it support them, or even acknowledge that they are giving up their own lives for the needs of others, all without any benefits of marriage.

That saddens me that there are churches where singles are seen having less value than someone who is married. Paul certainly did not recommend that anyone gets married but rather only if you were burning with passion. In a biblical sense a single person, at least in Paul's perception, has the greater potential to serve the Lord.

ERROR: Does not compute --

I know some married people who are "better" than some single people who wish they had a partner but are too lazy to put in the time and sacrifice to make a relationship work...

BUT

I also know some single people who have a lot more wisdom than certain married people who just got married to legitimize sex and don't really try to make their relationships work.

What? Have you never seen married people who lack sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills and dedication? Man, I sure have!

Have you never seen single people who have all those attributes, but have chosen to not try to hunt down a spouse? Uh... Hate to break it to you, but I'm one. And I know a lot of others.

Yeah, married life takes all that and then some. I remember it well.

But a lot of single folks I know are doing that and then some also.

Are all these things not true of being single? These things may occur in a different manner, but they are all qualities required when single as well.

I have to wonder if you’re just joking.

That is for sure.

Singles, especially older singles, are generally viewed as that odd group of people that meet in that room at the far end of the hall. It's thought that since they are single and don't have lives, that surely they have plenty of time to do things around the church. There's not anything wrong with helping out, but it's almost expected of single folks.

Lynx is much more modest than most will ever know.

One of the reasons he chooses the single life is because he cooks, cares for, chauffeurs, and helps provide for a beloved family member.

He had a place of his own and independent life, but gave it all up to make sure this relative is safe, comfortable, and able to live in familiar surroundings. Without him, this lovely person could not live this way.

I know because I spent a week with them and saw all the hard work, commitment, and sacrifice he makes for everyone around him but never says a word about it, let alone complains. He counts it as a joy to serve others and does so without hesitation.

May God hear and remember those, both married and single, who are treated with such contempt and utter dismissal.