The Banned Game

Hallelujah! Said Miss Greenlips Hine.

No more Rubyland spam and no more rednecks! She pulled a popper to celebrate as she watched the fireworks on the Lanovision. Miss Bluebell and Miss Tailfeather were joining in the celebrations, and had a feed of crayfish and whitebait fritters and fry bread that Mrs Olive had cooked up .

Im so relieved Kirsty was found and she had recovered from her amnesia too. Lets see if she gets back with Lionel.

As long as that doesnt interfere with your underwater kelp forest Miss Greenlips Hine, said President Lanolin. The Red Beanies have been looking out for us and we must show our appreciation. Kevin said they were staying at a B&B in Akaroa and everything was fine. The French had long been forgiven for blowing up the Rainbow warrior. But the Mosetarians still hadnt apologised for blowing up Titanic 2, so they never got to have their holidays in Lanolinland, or Raro or any other Pacific Island for that matter, who were all under Lanolinlands protection.

Miss Jenny and Miss Rubys toxic cosmetics advertising from Jennymaesia that had been the cause of so many innocent guinea pigs deaths was permanently banned and trashed.

Dame Edna heard a click clicking noise on her facetime. It seemed someone else was trying to get through, or maybe was eavesdropping on her and Camillas private facetime.

Camilla does your hubby record all your private facetime convos?

Oh no, we can say anything we like about each other we trust each other completely. Besides hes going deaf and not interested in what us ladies talk about anyway. It bores him. What about your Santa?

My dear Hubby is a very busy man now hes getting ready for his mall appearances, so whatver we say he wont have time for anyway. And of course he trusts me completely too. There are no secrets between us, and and if he already knows he just pretends to be surprised anyway. After all, he knows when we are sleeping and He knows when we're awake.

Well thats odd. Who else could be listening in on our conversations?

Chief @Sculpt and President @seoulsearch were invited to take part in the FIFA world cup. They had to pull a team together and show good sportsmanship. President Lanolin had suggested it as the Evereverland Priscillas desperately needed the practise. it would improve their game. Of course, the Football Ferns were currently unbeatable, but everyone knew that already anyway.

Even if they never won a game, everyone had a good time in Lanolinland anyway as they were such good hosts, so it barely mattered what the score was.

Mittens owners didnt approve of Mittens seeing Miss Jennyanydots. But they also didnt know he was also seeing Grizzabella the Glamour Cat on alternate nights.

Mittens, it seems got around.

Mittens himself wasnt concerned as he was a celebrity cat now and his every move was reported on and dissected, and people were not suprised if he would be crowned the next King of Lanolinland. He was already known as 'His Floofiness' , had a picture book hagiography and his own instagram and twitter accounts and was now regularly appearing on Shortland Street.

He had a more retiring brother cat called Puddles who stayed at home.
Mittens sometimes facetimed Larry who lived at 10 Downing street where they would commiserate about the hapless human owners. Larry meowed that he had suggested the musical Cats should open at the new Evereverland Pineapple theatre instead of Priscilla, but King Charles and his flunkies never listened to him.

Princess Charlotte waited for Empress Ruby to answer her call.

Her papa had parked the SUV right outside the golden gates in the visitors carpark of Eden Island. Is she in? The Rubyland flag was up. Giant rabbits were hopping around. She could see the cats napping lazily by the grand staircase of the dollhouse.

There were signs saying Please feed the alligators. Then a list of foods they liked that included Mosetarian Meatballs.

Prince William wondered if Empress Ruby had completely forgotten her manners that came with being to the Manor born. They were royals and didnt need to show their passports. Their pedigree was their passport.

But it looked like, apart from the animals, the place was deserted and Empress Ruby was not at home, or she would be imperious and keep them waiting. Maybe she was still doing her makeup, or whatever women did that kept men hanging on, waiting for hours.

Princes Charlotte had been trained not to cry, but if Empresss Ruby disappointed her this time it would the the last time the royals would ever grace her dollhouse again.

Nermal had turned up in Antarctica.
Miss Goodbooks did some investigating. It seemed Odie was smarter than he looked and had once saved Garfield from being run over by a truck, and now Nermal from being sent to Abu Dhabi.

It was well known that Garfield and Nermal did not get along. It was because Nermal was the cutest cat in the world and Garfield....wasnt.

The penguins wondered if they ought to send Nermal to the south Island where Garfield would likely never set foot, now the dog population had greatly increased. Surely the South Island needs a cat and Mittens already has Lanolinland.

We just need approval from Santa Claus, perhaps Nermal can be part of the Santa Parade, as the Chipmunks and Chippettes are staying in Lanolinland.
It was decided.

Garfield was not well liked in Antarctic circles, he was too greedy and made fun of the penguins.

Sir Peter Jackson was feeling glum. His passion project had not done as well at the box office as he'd hoped. His wife consoled him saying film audiences are fickle and it would probably have a cult following on you tube or netflix decades later and not to worry, he had fun playing a bogan. Wasnt it all that mattered?

It was probably the title that put people off...nobody wants to see a movie made in Mosetaria.

Queen Kong did amazingly well though and Mrs Hairy was now a bona fide star. That was consolation.

So what about the new Chipmunks movie? Hadnt they already filmed about three of them already? The last two were about them going to exotic places, and people soon got tired of watching others have holidays where they could never go.

But they are as big as the Beatles. They deserve a doco made about them how they got famous. mused Sir Peter.

well anything has got to be better than that dreadul film that was made of Cats. I could not believe our Gandalf was involved in that terrible travesty. Taylor Swift could not save it and Jennifer Hudson was all wrong. Noone would believe those ham american hollywoodites could play London street cats. They should have asked A Streetcat named Bob first.

Bob got run over.

what?!

Tzipora immediately flicked through all the bridal magazines determined to find the most expensive and elegant dress ever produced. She quickly sent an email through to Miss Jenny and Charles requesting if she were to fly them over to Antarctica whether they would be so kind as to give her a makeover. She was awaiting their reply.

Miss Lanolin was also sent an email requesting that the Lanolin press cover the wedding and take the photos so that they made the front cover of every glossy magazine available. She was still to receive a reply.

Then surprisingly Miss Ruby was sent an email. It seems Tzipora dreamt of being married on the Eden golden gate bridge filled with fairy lights and flowers. She thought it would be the wedding of the century. Miss Ruby was still to read her email.

The Chieftan was still in shell shock, apparently a wedding was going ahead and he was going to be the groom. Eagle One and Three were trying to snap him out of the zombie daze he had slipped into from the shock of the news. He seemed to just stare into space and had no words.

"Do you think we overdid it" asked Eagle One to Eagle Three.

"He'll be right" Eagle three replied. "I hope" he muttered under his breath.

Rubyland spam got sent straight back to where it came from, thanks to Lanolinland's new Spam Act.

The automatic message to Rubyland was - Lanolinland is isolating right now and does accept false advertising. We also do not promote, do PR or puff pieces for any other nation.

Lanolinland had also cancelled all foreign their magazine subscriptions, that people never read anyway, as most of them just ended up straight in the bin. The shops reduced their wastage and now no longer had to send all those magazines, glossy or rough to landfill that never got sold.

Instead Presidnt Lanolin introduced the countries own form of currency to exchange between Lanolinlands islands and the local rags were recycled after they had finished into toilet paper for the dogs.


In Lanolinland, keen Shorty fans were betting that Kirsty and Lionel would get back together, but a few fans wanted to see Lionel and Miss Zipmouth get together. Rachel and Dr Chris Warners budding romance seemed to have stalled when Rachel found out that agapanthus was actually a weed that grew anywhere and now she couldnt get rid of it.

Best buds florist and Shortland Street now had more orders for agapanthus and business was booming.
The fans had now gotten on the flower, and fanmail to Kirsty was now arriving. It was rumoured that she would be joining the cast as either the receptionist again at old job or a new job as florist.

She had been learning gardening on Great Barrier Island.
Fans wanted Lionel back on Shortland Street too but the cafe already had someone. Lionel was going to do catering from his famous muffin trolley, as a sideline business.

Rachel said it would better if he delivered pizzas, as they always needed more helpers. Patients always called for pizzas, and now that Shortland Street had its own pop up library, patients were reading more books. The old out of date magazines had been trashed.

Rachel was not sure if she could work with Kirsty. Yes it was busy at reception, but having two blondes at the desk might be too much for some of the male patients.

Miss Greenlips Hine was watching her underwater kelp forest. It was beautiful with the fish now making their homes, and she had even started a paua habitat near the new oyster lines that were growing pearls.

Perhaps one day she would be rich and marry a Red Beanie who wanted to live in Lanolinland. Her mama had said she shouldnt marry any of the tamas in her own tribe as they were little rascals. It was all a bit hoha so she'd concentrated on her vocation instead.

Miss Bluebell and Miss Tailfeather had met some kiwi blokes while out on the town. They were not sure what to make of them. Miss Bluebell said they seemd nice enough but had no sense of style, and if she stayed where would she get her hair braided? She would have to set up her own salon again in Lanolinland. It had plenty of nail places, but not many hair braiding salons. It seemed kiwi women just cut their hair when it got too long.

Miss Tailfeather liked one of the maori boys who stuck his tongue out at her but wasnt too sure if she could adapt her culture to theirs. Maybe he could come with her to Dixieland instead. But Miss Bluebell said dont count on it, he'll be treated like an exotic museum specimen or he'll be lynched.

Mrs Olive had suggested to President Lanolin that as part of her ministry, the govt ought to set aside a wedding fund for Lanolinlanders who wanted to marry but couldnt afford a nice wedding, as most couples were putting the money into their treehouses and it was a headache organising them.

President Lanolin wasnt sure about this. What about just having a mass wedding every year where everyone in Lanolinland would be married at ONE date all at the same time? Mrs Olive said it wasnt a bad idea. Then nobody would forget their wedding anniversaries.

Ms Jenny and Charles were watching the spy channel while sipping sweet iced tea. “I wonder why the Lanoliners are turning their country into North Korea?” Charles said to Ms Jenny. “Maybe they are communists, they tend to be trying to create utopia which inevitably ends up being mayhem”, Ms Jenny sighed. “Reckon it’ll take a year or so before heads start rolling over yonder, quite literally”. Charles nodded. “I can tell that the Great Leader over there has a totalitarian streak”. Ms Jenny chuckled. “She don’t seem to value individualism much, nor civil rights…Lord of the Flies comes to mind…where will it end?”

Charles thought about it for a spell. “I can’t see any traces of Western culture in the Lanolinland mindset”.

“It ain’t no such thing in Lanolinland. They are the best country in the world, remember?” Ms Jenny sighed again.

Princess Charlottes lips started to tremble. Empress Ruby had snubbed her, hadnt even responded to her calls, or acknowledged her existence.

Even after all the likes and digital love hearts she had left on her twitter, when she had access to her mamas phone.

Her papa, who was used to royal intrigues and tantrums, pulled out some tissues hed kept in the glovebox of the SUV and gave them to his daughter, who's eyes were starting to water.

Come on princess, Empress Rubys probably been up all night fighting a fornite battle and now has to have her beauty sleep. We shouldnt disturb her. Why dont we feed the alligators instead?

Charlotte sniffled. But we dont have any Mosetarian meatballs! George ate them all.

We'll pick some up from the neigbouring island.

Charlotte wasnt happy about having to leave. There was a chance that Empress Ruby was up and could see them through the window. If she waved and called her name?

Just then some giant rabbits came bounding along, and stopped near the SUV, checking out the shiny rims of the tyres. They were admiring the model, it looked like it had more grunt than the regular Holdens and Hondas that visited the island.

Oh look! Its the Easter Bunny family! Can we take one home pretty pretty please?

Baby Jade had a hard time picking which book was going to be awarded best picture book in the Lanolinland Picture Book Awards.

Miss Zipmouth throught it was easy, as Queen Kong and the seven guinea pigs was clearly the favourite of all the ones she'd read to her. Also it was the one book that Baby Jade could read all the way through an understand.

The chipmunks expressed a preference for How Maui fished up Lanolinland.
They wanted to help with the judging too.

The five picture books of moses were given a thumbs down. They werent impressed with all the violence. The Egyptians enslaved the Hebrews Moses killed an Egyptian, the Egyptians killed Hebrews, God intervened and killed the Egyptians and in the end, even all the firstborn animals died. It wasnt a great bedtime story.

Rubys worry was rather neurotic, something only child pyscholgists would read. But Baby Jade didnt know that. She just looked at the pictures of the worried faces.

Mittens was clearly a propoganda piece for Mittens bid for the crown.

Beauty vs the Beast had a mirror inside. At first baby Jade was intrigued but there was not much plot to it her mother thought. It was too predictable, the beast was after beauty, the beauty would win out over the beast, and nobody had any brains in the story.

Mrs Hairy and Keisha were watching The Crown. It was the one foreign show the Lanovision hadnt canned because Sir Peter had made a deal with the Evereverlanders, and their trade partnership was not affected. Lanolinlanders didnt have to have visas or passports to visit Evereverland, because the guinea pigs had been adopted and become possums. This family tie was strong and the relationship cordial. Dame Edna had pulled a lot of strings to get Camilla to consent her family to being filmed. But Camilla, who had her eye on retiring to New South Wales with Fred, had agreed and said it would be good PR for the monarchy.

Besides everyone was fascinated with royals. Their stories never ended and they never wore the same clothes twice, or at least the female royals didnt. They had a huge wardrobe, hundreds of servants, and they were the biggest bunch of thieves in the history of the world

This time, Prince George set out to steal the Big Pineapple, or rather as he put it, harvest it for his own collection at home. Princess Charlotte had a massive dollhouse with replicas of everything, and her own menagerie, and she wanted a giant rabbit just because she didnt have one. Papa had no actual money to buy anything, so they just took it. It was their royal right.

Kate and Megahn who had married into the royal family, unfortunately had no idea what they were getting themselves into. They were used to making having their own businesses and making their own money, and their little sidelines of parties and costume hire were just seen as hobbies and fronts by the establishment, After all they were living the high life on piles of ill gotten gains and lands the royal ancestors had pillaged and stolen from, so who needed to make any extra money?

The Crown had never had to pay taxes or was even obligated to look after their own subjects, so what did they care about anyone who wasnt royal?

Keisha had played Queen A and Mrs Hairy Queen Kong. But that was just in the movies. Mrs Hairy had been reading her Gideons Bible. From what she had read, most of the Kings in the Bible were an evil bunch so she wasnt impressed with royalty.

Mrs Hairy, I played Mary in the nativity. She was just an ordinary girl and her bubba was said to be the next King of Israel. But King Herod who was on the throne at the time was jealous and tried to kill Mary's bubba so the family fled to Egypt.

What happened? signed Mrs Hairy. She thought about her own childen who had been stolen from her.

Well I dont know the movie ended there and we never got to film a sequal.

The past several days had been a blur for the Great Chieftain. He felt as if he were in slow motion, while everything else was in fast forward. He remembered turning as white as a ringwraith when Tzipora had slipped the engagement ring of power onto her finger...

"One Ring to rule them all..." the Great Chieftain had remembered, quite whitely. Although he struggled to find fault with the beautiful-but-deadly warrioress, he wasn't altogether certain that giving her almost unlimited power was the wisest of moves.

The power seemed to have gone to Tzipora's head already, with talk of expensive and elegant dresses, Miss Jenny and Charles giving her a makeover, and the wedding ceremony to be held on Eden Island's Golden Gate bridge.

Somewhere in the midst of things, he had been whisked away to Jennymaesia, where the wise Jennymaesian Empress had proposed to he and the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland that they three smite off the diseased and poisonous Lanolinland from the respective bosoms of their good homelands, as a skinflint might excise a particularly hideous and burgeoning verruca from the hindquarters of his mule.

The Chieftain remembered nodding his approval at the excellent and sensible idea, before rushing on to his next appointment.

Somewhere in all the blurred rushing, he remembered the rest of the verse to the rhyme "One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them..."

That was it. He needed to forge more rings... One for the Empress Jennymae, one for Eagle Two, one for the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland... But the One Ring - he would forge an even more powerful ring - the One Ring - for himself..."

Could the wicked one please explain the last paragraph. Miss Ruby has not seen this movie/film so does not know what you are talking about??

"Ah, J.R.R. Tolkien", the Great Chieftain muttered to himself, as he recited the author's entire poem, taken from his classic work "The Lord of the Rings".

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

"We may have really done it now" said Eagle One to Eagle Three. "The Chieftan seems delirious. He's quoting some type of poem and does look awfully pale"

"Perhaps he is practicing and memorising his vows to the wicked witch" replied Eagle three.

"We better ring Morty and ask his advice" said Eagle One. "He is the level headed one in this family." And with that the clones secretly made a phone call to Morty all the way in the Eden triangle.

Meanwhile Miss Ruby was going through her emails and spotted Tzipora's request.