Does the Bible ever say to beat kids?
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No, the Bible doesn't say to beat kids. The spare the rod, spoil the child is talking about a shepherd rod. Although you could probably make the argument that they beat their kids back in Jesus's time.
We spanked my 1st son (definitely didn't beat). He's the type of kid that it didn't work and so you either need to move up physically (which we weren't going to do) or change the approach.
Beating makes kids sneaky and manipulative. If you want to understand spankings look at the Dougars. You have these well behaved kids from the outside.... meanwhile the oldest is m the girls in the house. It's not a coincidence Josh's name was on a website for affairs. My dad was also beat and has had multiple affairs. That's a typical response for kids that "fix" a behavior but not the underlining skills.
Now I was "spanked" which was 1 slap 2 times in my childhood. The idea behind spankings is shut down the emotion now. And I've paid dearly for this idea. But I'm not sneaky... bc I wanted to please anyway as a child. I just didn't handle my emotions correct certain times...obviously. Like all kids.
Before you go all in on timeout and binge watch supernanny....look at prisons and schools. If time out worked we would have no or little discipline problems there. Obviously that's not the case and time out is a completely useless consequence. At best your child sits there and thinks this is so unfair while they daydream and think of something else unrelated. At best they think about how they are going to get even... which is what they do in prisons.
Good inside is the parenting approach that ever made sense and worked on both my boys, but especially my extremely rebellious one.
1. Positive self talk- create a "good identity " for your child (even if they're quite difficult) and give them the words for what is going on. Confidence is actually self trust. If you tell your child "oh that's nothing. You're fine." You're actually teaching them they can't trust themselves and they are less confident and likely to break down more. Most modern parenting stops here.... that's why it doesn't work.
2. Boundaries- a boundary is something that YOU control and requires the other person to do nothing. "It's so hard to get rid of screens when we need to. I understand that's so frustrating. But I've already asked you to turn it off and since you didn't listen I am going to take the remote control and keep it for the night." It's not over the top and it's sticking by your words. It's not calling them disrespectful or you always do this type of talk.
Not all kids are the same. There are 4 tendencies people have. The upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel. It's hard to tell with kids bc they don't have their own autonomy yet, but if you have a rebel you definitely know. Lol
I can't "reason" with my oldest. I know a lot of people have discussions with their kids for their parenting strategy. If I say up. He says down. My youngest yes...discussions work. Every kid is different so you have to look for what works for their personality.
My oldest does well with strict boundaries. He has a chore chart and when he's done he can have screens for a certain time. He completes it bc its not me "telling" him what to do. It's the chart. 😆 it makes no sense but it works. He can take all the time he wants... but he'll be waiting for what he wants too. I go over the rules all the time with him... which are written down on the fridge. He gets reward tickets every day be behaves. Some are funny "extra long hug". He'll also listen carefully for earning money... shocker. Lol
My younger has the same type of system... bc my older has it. He doesn't need it. My younger does well with positive self talk and boundaries too. He will listen with discussions.
I will say I hated being a parent before I implemented this strategy with positive self talk and boundaries. I couldn't get my oldest to listen and felt like a horrible mother. It was like a 360 difference. I also realized I had boundary issues in other areas bc of how I grew up. I would even say most women today, especially christian women have boundary issues. It leads to nagging or being emotionally distant or burn out.
We spanked my 1st son (definitely didn't beat). He's the type of kid that it didn't work and so you either need to move up physically (which we weren't going to do) or change the approach.
Beating makes kids sneaky and manipulative. If you want to understand spankings look at the Dougars. You have these well behaved kids from the outside.... meanwhile the oldest is m the girls in the house. It's not a coincidence Josh's name was on a website for affairs. My dad was also beat and has had multiple affairs. That's a typical response for kids that "fix" a behavior but not the underlining skills.
Now I was "spanked" which was 1 slap 2 times in my childhood. The idea behind spankings is shut down the emotion now. And I've paid dearly for this idea. But I'm not sneaky... bc I wanted to please anyway as a child. I just didn't handle my emotions correct certain times...obviously. Like all kids.
Before you go all in on timeout and binge watch supernanny....look at prisons and schools. If time out worked we would have no or little discipline problems there. Obviously that's not the case and time out is a completely useless consequence. At best your child sits there and thinks this is so unfair while they daydream and think of something else unrelated. At best they think about how they are going to get even... which is what they do in prisons.
Good inside is the parenting approach that ever made sense and worked on both my boys, but especially my extremely rebellious one.
1. Positive self talk- create a "good identity " for your child (even if they're quite difficult) and give them the words for what is going on. Confidence is actually self trust. If you tell your child "oh that's nothing. You're fine." You're actually teaching them they can't trust themselves and they are less confident and likely to break down more. Most modern parenting stops here.... that's why it doesn't work.
2. Boundaries- a boundary is something that YOU control and requires the other person to do nothing. "It's so hard to get rid of screens when we need to. I understand that's so frustrating. But I've already asked you to turn it off and since you didn't listen I am going to take the remote control and keep it for the night." It's not over the top and it's sticking by your words. It's not calling them disrespectful or you always do this type of talk.
Not all kids are the same. There are 4 tendencies people have. The upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel. It's hard to tell with kids bc they don't have their own autonomy yet, but if you have a rebel you definitely know. Lol
I can't "reason" with my oldest. I know a lot of people have discussions with their kids for their parenting strategy. If I say up. He says down. My youngest yes...discussions work. Every kid is different so you have to look for what works for their personality.
My oldest does well with strict boundaries. He has a chore chart and when he's done he can have screens for a certain time. He completes it bc its not me "telling" him what to do. It's the chart. 😆 it makes no sense but it works. He can take all the time he wants... but he'll be waiting for what he wants too. I go over the rules all the time with him... which are written down on the fridge. He gets reward tickets every day be behaves. Some are funny "extra long hug". He'll also listen carefully for earning money... shocker. Lol
My younger has the same type of system... bc my older has it. He doesn't need it. My younger does well with positive self talk and boundaries too. He will listen with discussions.
I will say I hated being a parent before I implemented this strategy with positive self talk and boundaries. I couldn't get my oldest to listen and felt like a horrible mother. It was like a 360 difference. I also realized I had boundary issues in other areas bc of how I grew up. I would even say most women today, especially christian women have boundary issues. It leads to nagging or being emotionally distant or burn out.
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