I can definitely relate to this, both online and in real life. But my whole life, people have always wanted me to be more like them and not like me. I'd like to learn that in my old(er) age, I've finally learned the difference, and that God tells me it's ok to be me.
I had two very memorable instances of single parents (one a mother in real life; one a father here on CC) who were always telling me I needed to "do my part" by adopting kids or somehow having kids of my own. My personal contribution was raising an alcoholic's kids for 3 years while he couldn't, as well as financially sponsoring kids through my adoption agency, but that was never good enough. They thought I should somehow have children on my own, and the single father said I should be taking in single mothers as roommates and helping to raise their children (which I've known some other singles to be doing.)
And then the root of it all finally came tumbling out. The single mother was a co-worker, and one day she had a meltdown in the bathroom, saying, "I hate seeing you walk by everyday! I hate knowing what you have! I HATE that you have FREEDOM -- and I don't!" She then went on to say she wished she would have never had her oldest child. (And yes, she was a professing Christian, but obviously under an immense amount of stress.)
Likewise, the single father told me he was stressed out and tired of doing everything alone -- he felt it was owed it to him that a woman should be helping him pay his bills and raise his children.
I have had married women also express the same -- that they hate the idea of someone not dealing with the things they have to deal with, not having to check in with anyone or ask permission to come and go -- and that they wished I was locked up in a cage just as they felt.
It took some time for these things to come out. In the meantime, they'd tell me I wasn't being a real woman or real Christian because I wasn't a wife and mother, etc. But eventually, they had so many bitter roots eating away at their souls, they couldn't keep holding it in forever... And eventually, the cracks began to show. So, I always take these kinds of criticisms now with a large block of salt.
Now I don't mind at all if people have great marriages and want to talk about it. We have some wonderful married friends here who are very supportive and encouraging, like
@tourist, whom we met while he was single, but has remained a great friend even after he got married (to a wonderful woman here on the forum.)
For me, the line is crossed if this progresses to someone seeing themselves as being better than singles for being married and that I, the lesser single person, can only begin to achieve a better status (even though I will never achieve what they see as their holiest status) by getting married.
My default reply to that now is always, "God rarely takes couples at the same time. Do you not realize that EVERY married person has a 50/50 chance of being single?" In other words... What happens if or when the time comes when you are single? How does that make you better than me, or anyone else who is single?
But this always gets sidestepped and never directly answered. I understand that people either want to think their spouse will die first and singleness will never happen to them, or that they just don't want to think about or address the issue at all.
Yet none even the most married of the married can escape that this is a fact of life, and I'm seeing this on a regular basis, as I have family who live in a place where many couples are heartbreakingly finding out what "'Til Death Do Us Part" really means.
I feel absolutely terrible for the ones whose spouses die, what's even worse are the ones who have dementia/Alzheimer's, not knowing who their wife or husband even is anymore, and yet sometimes they have many more years to live and be taken care of by someone they no longer know, let express any love to.
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