How is the single life for you as a Christian?

Something else I'm grateful for regarding single life is having to learn to live on my own.

I was visiting family a few weeks ago and one of the residents where they live told me how much she admired that I was "a woman who could live independently, without relying on anyone else."

No, she's not a raging feminist. She's a woman in her 70's who is a Christian, has been married all her life, and is very dedicated to her husband.

But one issue I think the older generations had was that the division of gender roles inadvertently made a lot of people helpless. We saw this when my Grandma died -- my Grandpa had never cooked or done laundry, and had no interest in learning. He wouldn't even use the microwave and subsisted on cold cereal and sandwiches in between us stopping in to look after him.

This woman I was talking to told me her husband had always taken care of the bills and still did -- but that she had no idea how to get into their accounts to pay the after he was gone. Like my Grandpa, she also had no interest in learning -- and said she'd have to rely on her children if her husband died first.

She told me that she was in awe of the fact that I could do "all these things" without a man.

I've been seeing this a lot with older people -- the spouse who is left behind literally can't care for themselves in some way -- and, as much as I haven't liked being single during some phases of my life, I'm grateful for what I had to learn to do on my own because of it.

Hi KBeef, welcome to CC!

For most of my 20's I wasn't content with singleness and neglected my relationship with God because of it. But I have come to realize it's not so bad, and can be a blessing in some ways. I like that I don't have to ask permission from anyone but God, and I don't have to worry about the "static" of another person's input clouding my perceptions (though I do often ask others for input, I just like that it's by choice).

That said, if God did give me the chance to marry a guy I really clicked with and everything seemed right, I do think I would take that option. I'm just not holding my breath expecting it, life is happening right now and there's plenty to do. A ministry partner would be amazing, but I might work best as a solo operative and I have accepted that possibility.

I don't feel too awfully looked down on for being single. It's kind of annoying when pastors announce that motherhood is the single highest calling a woman can attain to, but I think that's usually more cluelessness than disdain. They probably don't know that I had always wanted to be a mom, and singleness at 41 was never a personal goal. And really I think that staying in God's will is the highest calling ANYONE can attain to, no matter where it takes us.....even down paths we never would have chosen. But at least we know where we end up!

@seoulsearch (deleted the quote, Im still learning the ropes welp)


First of all, thank you for your reply and also the insight to the forum scene. I'm in my mid 20s and this is my first time on a forum I guess I should have expected an age gap. That makes this all the more interesting!

To your question, the single scene in general is as a lot of places in the world. Long-lasting relationships and marriage aren't as common anymore. Everyone has trust and commitment issues, no one knows how to be a great partner and I blame those anti-traditional views that have always been pushed onto young people. All that said, it's a little different in the churches.

Some still get married at the green age of 18, some in their early 20s. I am blessed, as I have never been pressured or asked uncomfortable questions from church members, although I often imagine some people do give some side eye. That's just my anxiety talking, though...

Intersting thing happened to me at the bank yesterday. I had an appointment to meet my new bank guy, who will be handling all of my banking issues. I expected a middle-aged Italian, but it turned out to be this young, completely tattooed guy. We spoke informally , which was nice. Long story short, he asked me out and I had to tell him I don't see a future with anyone who doesn't believe in God, which led to the question of which religion (my answer: "God, Jesus, Bible.") and he found that intriguing and wants to talk about that, so we exchanged numbers. If he does engage, I'm praying for God to use this situation to reach this guy. He was genuinely interested in learning new subjects. I could tell during our appointment.

I don't know if that counts as dating, but God can put anyone in my way. I make it my goal to be His witness. If God puts a nice, young Christian man in front of me, well then...lucky me!

One interesting thing is that the church doesn't seem to recognize all the people, especially nowadays, who are literally raising children who are not "their own."

How many of us know those who are helping to raise another's children? I've known several singles who are doing this, but yet, the church seems to elevate only "having ONE'S OWN" children as the highest calling. Biology seems to be everything to most in the church.

As an adopted child myself, I know this all too well. People always ask, "What about your REAL parents?" And people have even told me, "That's great that your parents took you in, but I know I could never raise someone who wasn't MY OWN child." And I do understand when I've talked to other adoptees who insist on having their own biological children rather than adopting themselves (they fantasize about a biological connection and think it will be more meaningful than trying to turn strangers into family.)

And yet, the Bible says, "Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." -- James 1:27

I'm certainly not saying everyone should adopt -- I know some people aren't cut out for it, including myself at my age (I didn't have any children and feel I'm past the age now, but at one time I wanted to adopt) -- but it's interesting that the church somehow seems to see biological ties as the ruling class.

Many years ago we had a single gal in her 30's who had a long history of fostering children, as she said she felt this was her calling. It's so ironic to me that many in the church wouldn't see her as a "real" mother, but I'm sure God recognized that she was taking on something very few could do (again, including myself.)

Hi that definitely sucks if a pastor says that. While I hold motherhood in high regards and it should be commended for the tough job it is, God doesn't have every woman in mind as a mother, so that saying is a bit off, in my opinion. The highest calling a woman can attain is the calling that God has for a woman, 100% agreed. Should be common sense xD I'm not very focused today, so I read that you wrote what I just did after I wrote this. This week has been stressful

Hi that definitely sucks if a pastor says that. While I hold motherhood in high regards and it should be commended for the tough job it is, God doesn't have every woman in mind as a mother, so that saying is a bit off, in my opinion. The highest calling a woman can attain is the calling that God has for a woman, 100% agreed. Should be common sense xD I'm not very focused today, so I read that you wrote what I just did after I wrote this. This week has been stressful

In general though, he and other pastors I have encountered tend to treat singleness like it doesn't exist, or exists only by choice (if you want a spouse, just go find one!)

I dunno... Paul did some good preaching on that topic.

Of course the Bible is pretty big and it might take a while for any topic to come around in sermons, especially the esoteric topics. If you've only been at that church less than a year, maybe they just haven't got to that one yet. But if you've been there 10 years and never once heard a sermon on that... I'm not saying leave your church, but maybe supplement with some online sermons from somewhere.

I think people view the life more or less as the same way dost matter if are Christian or not. To get married is a kind of social goal for most of us andthe vast majority of people don´t put his decisions in GOD´s hands. I personally still single at my 43's. I'm not sad but nor happy, that's because I feel that every year that passes it will be harder and harder for me to find that "special girl". I have decided to wait for her believing in GOD that someday she will appear but nothing until now. I have decided to wait because as seoulsearch said, I believe that everything that do not came from GOD always finish in bad way or came whit a lot of troubles. But to be hones I´m starting to get desperate a bit, but then I remember that the way of GOD are always better and maybe HE does not want for me to get married or maybe I just have to still waiting a little more. And to be clear I don´t want to get married just to please the social way of view. I have never cared much what society said or think. I want to get married because I always have been a family man, since I was a little child and as a family man, of course I want to form mine as well, If GOD wants.

I think people view the life more or less as the same way dost matter if are Christian or not. To get married is a kind of social goal for most of us andthe vast majority of people don´t put his decisions in GOD´s hands. I personally still single at my 43's. I'm not sad but nor happy, that's because I feel that every year that passes it will be harder and harder for me to find that "special girl". I have decided to wait for her believing in GOD that someday she will appear but nothing until now. I have decided to wait because as seoulsearch said, I believe that everything that do not came from GOD always finish in bad way or came whit a lot of troubles. But to be hones I´m starting to get desperate a bit, but then I remember that the way of GOD are always better and maybe HE does not want for me to get married or maybe I just have to still waiting a little more. And to be clear I don´t want to get married just to please the social way of view. I have never cared much what society said or think. I want to get married because I always have been a family man, since I was a little child and as a family man, of course I want to form mine as well, If GOD wants.

And I don't go there to be emotionally coddled.....

if I want to do any REAL iron-sharpening or really dig into a subject I come here to CC or talk to Christian friends IRL.

One thing I really DO like about my church is that regular members (including women) are allowed to speak as long as it's a testimony rather than a sermon. So during a testimony Sunday a few years ago I felt led talk about singleness and my journey with that. And the pastor did say it was a good testimony and he was sure it helped some people. So I guess the topic of singleness did get covered, in a sense!

This is wisdom. If only all believers were like this.

I generally avoid testimony services. My experience with them is that most are not interested in the testimony unless it talks about being delivered from drugs or alcohol. There are people who need to hear that, but I'm not one of them. There was a time when this fella talked about being delivered from Marlboro cigarettes. Folks got to shouting etc.. and I was kinda new there and didn't know the established etiquette for unexpected shouting.

I can't duck behind a pew cause I'm on the front row... 🤷

Ahem... Sorry. I get introspective a lot in the morning.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

Ahem... Sorry. I get introspective a lot in the morning.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

Don't worry Lynx and thanks for your welcoming. In fact, your comments were really explicative and I know it wasn't with bad intentions.

I used the word desperate because was the first that came to my mind when I was writing my comment, but I should have used another one like anxious or concerned, and to be honest English is not my native language so sometimes I makes mistakes when I try to communicate something. I´m here more than nothing to practice and improve my English but I did not want to open an account in a secular chat website, so I came here. At least I can practice, talking about Cristians themes.

If I were desperate, I have married a long time ago whit the first lady that crosses in front to me, but I have decided to wait. Anyway, as you said, there are a lot of people out there that seems to be desperate to find a partner.

Yeah I get anxious sometimes too. Especially at 46.

Then I go to my job and I hear other people complaining about their spouses and their ex spouses and on and on and on... And I just start feeling so good about being single! Takes care of that lonely feeling.