Can you find substance in today's smash and pass culture?

Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.

This has always been the case. You will not find a period in history where there was not a large percentage of the population interested more in sex than relationships.

The solution is likewise as old as time. Let others do what others will do. Choose what you think is best for you.

Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.

You're making some excellent points here, and I agree that people (often both men and women) feel so hurt and betrayed by the opposite sex that they can't trust. Then in addition, they set standards so high it's been argued that even Jesus wouldn't meet them

But doesn't God want THE BEST for us?? Yes, it's just that to God, our idea of the best (Hollywood good looks, 6-figure income, etc.) might not be what God knows is best for us (a fellow flawed human being whose imperfections will draw out your own, but with His help, will be worked for His glory.)

Others here have already given excellent answers to your post, so I can only offer my own spin on your original thread title.

Yes, I do think it's possible to "Find Substance in Today's Smash'n'Pass Culture," but, it's going to take a lot of Prayer, Patience, and Passing.

I.e., Passing Up on situations and temptation that you know God is telling you to run from, but your own sinful nature wants to stay'n'play.

I'm still hopeful though.

I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through -- many of us here have similar stories and strategies.

Please forgive me for clipping your post -- I'm certainly not trying to cut out all the useful information you've included -- I just wanted to point out this comment in particular. (With longer posts, it will only show the first few sentence in the reply.)

It's funny how God seems to have built hope into our nature.

I've known people who have literally been to hell and back, then back again, almost as if on a figure-8 track, and they too, still have hope.

It's amazing to see the resilience that God has put into us.

I pray that your steadfast hope, whether overflowing or holding on to scraps -- will be rewarded. 🙏

God bless and keep us posted! Many of us are literally in the same boat.

I don't think that 10% is really there. I think it's more like about 99.9% are a waste of my time and effort and just want something when they feel like it or want something short-term. I'm still hopeful though.

I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.

The Smash culture is having consequences, 1 in 5 of people between 15 to 45 is being treated for Herpes in the world. Infertility is rising from certain contraceptives (do your research if you are gonna use them even as a married couple), and birth rates are dropping in US, UK, Russia, China, and Japan to the point native Japanese rates are in the danger zone (CBN News).

The birthrate drops almost can be parallel to the Divorce Rate which is at at 50% in the States, at 1.6 out 1000 people get divorced worldwide.

Add robot wives (Japan has em, they are coming..), AI spouses, and etc and I would say we are headed for Biblical events.

Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.

I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.

I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.

This has always been the case. You will not find a period in history where there was not a large percentage of the population interested more in sex than relationships.

The solution is likewise as old as time. Let others do what others will do. Choose what you think is best for you.

Im going to just be friends with her. She's too hurt right now and not ready for a relationship. It just sucks that so many women are like this.

We are to take ALL things to Him for His guidance.