Can you find substance in today's smash and pass culture?

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N

Nufan

Active member
#1
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#1
Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
28,615
10,192
113
#2
Nufan said:
Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.
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This has always been the case. You will not find a period in history where there was not a large percentage of the population interested more in sex than relationships.

The solution is likewise as old as time. Let others do what others will do. Choose what you think is best for you.
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#3
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#3
Lynx said:
This has always been the case. You will not find a period in history where there was not a large percentage of the population interested more in sex than relationships.

The solution is likewise as old as time. Let others do what others will do. Choose what you think is best for you.
Click to expand...
Thank you linx. God is keeping me safe and sharing his heart. God is good.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#4
Mar 26, 2014
4,470
2,461
113
#4
Almost like God knew what he was talking about when he told people to guard their hearts and not have sex with people they weren't married to. And yes there are a few women out there who have accepted thay God knows better than our hormones do.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
17,159
6,017
113
#5
Nufan said:
Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.
Click to expand...
You're making some excellent points here, and I agree that people (often both men and women) feel so hurt and betrayed by the opposite sex that they can't trust. Then in addition, they set standards so high it's been argued that even Jesus wouldn't meet them

But doesn't God want THE BEST for us?? Yes, it's just that to God, our idea of the best (Hollywood good looks, 6-figure income, etc.) might not be what God knows is best for us (a fellow flawed human being whose imperfections will draw out your own, but with His help, will be worked for His glory.)

Others here have already given excellent answers to your post, so I can only offer my own spin on your original thread title.

Yes, I do think it's possible to "Find Substance in Today's Smash'n'Pass Culture," but, it's going to take a lot of Prayer, Patience, and Passing.

I.e., Passing Up on situations and temptation that you know God is telling you to run from, but your own sinful nature wants to stay'n'play.
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#6
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#6
seoulsearch said:
You're making some excellent points here, and I agree that people (often both men and women) feel so hurt and betrayed by the opposite sex that they can't trust. Then in addition, they set standards so high it's been argued that even Jesus wouldn't meet them

But doesn't God want THE BEST for us?? Yes, it's just that to God, our idea of the best (Hollywood good looks, 6-figure income, etc.) might not be what God knows is best for us (a fellow flawed human being whose imperfections will draw out your own, but with His help, will be worked for His glory.)

Others here have already given excellent answers to your post, so I can only offer my own spin on your original thread title.

Yes, I do think it's possible to "Find Substance in Today's Smash'n'Pass Culture," but, it's going to take a lot of Prayer, Patience, and Passing.

I.e., Passing Up on situations and temptation that you know God is telling you to run from, but your own sinful nature wants to stay'n'play.
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Thanks for the well-thought-out answer. What's protecting me is just being up front about what I want, making it clear that I'm not wanting sex or intimacy starting out. I want to see that there's substance and that there's something that can sustain the relationship without having to rely on intimacy and sex to keep it going. And that I'm looking for something serious and long-term. That pretty much weeds out about ninety percent of the women that really don't want to commit to something serious and are just looking to feel good, or to forget about their ex, or just want romantic encounter and sexual gratification. It just seems like the selection. That's available right now. With most women getting divorced in their 30s and going on their second wind. Getting to 40 and basically giving up and so broken. I don't think that 10% is really there. I think it's more like about 99.9% are a waste of my time and effort and just want something when they feel like it or want something short-term. I'm still hopeful though.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#7
May 23, 2009
17,159
6,017
113
#7
Nufan said:
I'm still hopeful though.
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I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through -- many of us here have similar stories and strategies.

Please forgive me for clipping your post -- I'm certainly not trying to cut out all the useful information you've included -- I just wanted to point out this comment in particular. (With longer posts, it will only show the first few sentence in the reply.)

It's funny how God seems to have built hope into our nature.

I've known people who have literally been to hell and back, then back again, almost as if on a figure-8 track, and they too, still have hope.

It's amazing to see the resilience that God has put into us.

I pray that your steadfast hope, whether overflowing or holding on to scraps -- will be rewarded. 🙏

God bless and keep us posted! Many of us are literally in the same boat. :)
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#8
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#8
seoulsearch said:
I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through -- many of us here have similar stories and strategies.

Please forgive me for clipping your post -- I'm certainly not trying to cut out all the useful information you've included -- I just wanted to point out this comment in particular. (With longer posts, it will only show the first few sentence in the reply.)

It's funny how God seems to have built hope into our nature.

I've known people who have literally been to hell and back, then back again, almost as if on a figure-8 track, and they too, still have hope.

It's amazing to see the resilience that God has put into us.

I pray that your steadfast hope, whether overflowing or holding on to scraps -- will be rewarded. 🙏

God bless and keep us posted! Many of us are literally in the same boat. :)
Click to expand...
Thank you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#9
Aug 13, 2014
28,615
10,192
113
#9
Nufan said:
I don't think that 10% is really there. I think it's more like about 99.9% are a waste of my time and effort and just want something when they feel like it or want something short-term. I'm still hopeful though.
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I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.
 
SirSolaScriptura

SirSolaScriptura

Member
#10
Mar 10, 2025
31
18
8
#10
The Smash culture is having consequences, 1 in 5 of people between 15 to 45 is being treated for Herpes in the world. Infertility is rising from certain contraceptives (do your research if you are gonna use them even as a married couple), and birth rates are dropping in US, UK, Russia, China, and Japan to the point native Japanese rates are in the danger zone (CBN News).

The birthrate drops almost can be parallel to the Divorce Rate which is at at 50% in the States, at 1.6 out 1000 people get divorced worldwide.

Add robot wives (Japan has em, they are coming..), AI spouses, and etc and I would say we are headed for Biblical events.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
42,907
17,326
113
70
Tennessee
#12
SirSolaScriptura said:
The Smash culture is having consequences, 1 in 5 of people between 15 to 45 is being treated for Herpes in the world. Infertility is rising from certain contraceptives (do your research if you are gonna use them even as a married couple), and birth rates are dropping in US, UK, Russia, China, and Japan to the point native Japanese rates are in the danger zone (CBN News).

The birthrate drops almost can be parallel to the Divorce Rate which is at at 50% in the States, at 1.6 out 1000 people get divorced worldwide.

Add robot wives (Japan has em, they are coming..), AI spouses, and etc and I would say we are headed for Biblical events.
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Would a robot wife have any culinary skills?
 
RodB651

RodB651

Well-known member
#13
Feb 11, 2021
821
536
93
59
#13
Perhaps there are women out there who prefer nerd alpha males. Watching him perform calculus on the dry erase board on the fridge puts her in the mood? 🤔
 
Kainos

Kainos

Active member
#14
Jan 30, 2025
142
139
43
#14
Nufan said:
Something that I have learned over the years is you can't expect a long healthy relationship to be established by starting with intimacy and sex. I have learned that intimacy is a passion and it can quickly die. If you don't take the time to first develop a connection and bond with one another, then when the intimacy dies then there is nothing left to sustain a healthy relationship. I recently saw a woman that I had an interest in. I saw that she has attraction towards me. She was nervous and shy. I saw some very good traits in her, loving traits. I decided Im interested in wanting to get to know her. So I grabbed her aside. I let her know that I thought she was cute. I gave her some time to kind of share with me. I got her number and told her that I wanted to meet her after she was done with work. So we meet at her car. we talk and it turned out she just got out of a relationship. She was with someone for 10 years and just divorced. She made a clear that she likes her freedom and likes to do what she wants, which is understandable. Cause she'd been tied down in a relationship and shes now in rebound mode. She says she wants to take things slow and I made it clear to her that I want to see that there's something more than just intimacy and sex between us. I want to build something thats lasting. I want to build something that is not just going to last for a short time. I know that if we go right into intimacy and sex, then we won't be building other important things in the relationship and it will crumble and fall. I recently had this experience with a woman 2 years ago, who actually pursued me. She said she was in a relationship but they weren't intimate and that he knew that she was pursuing other men and he was okay with it. I wasn't as close to God as I am now and yeah, I've had quite a few experience like that. It never ends well. So because I'm wanting something lasting.I'm choosing to wait and see if she has interest in wanting to pursue me. Otherwise I know it's not gonna lead anywhere good. My question is, are we really living in a culture today? That's not interested on building a long term connection but instead wanting to pursue our passions and indulging in intimate encounters. Are there still women out there that can trust a man enough to build something lasting. Or are women so hurt nowadays that this just isn't a possibility.
Click to expand...
Smash and pass?

Nothing more off putting than promiscuous women. They're like my local police station. Criminals coming and going all night long, with extra parking in the rear...

High notch count? No thanks! And praise the Lord, age old decency will live on long after all this in vogue immorality is but a timeworn footnote from the days of yore.
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#15
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#15
Well, she did finally get ahold of me, so it does look like she is pursuing something with me.So I guess we'll see what happens.
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#16
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#16
Lynx said:
I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.
Click to expand...
Don't over think it.
Lynx said:
I dunno... I'm pretty sure I would be at least 91% a waste of a lady's time, myself. But when I meet her, I'll take every minute she is willing to give me.
Click to expand...
Dont over think it. Just play like you use to during 3rd grade recess and you'll win over 90% of the women out there.
 
N

Nufan

Active member
#17
Oct 10, 2019
309
47
28
#17
Im going to just be friends with her. She's too hurt right now and not ready for a relationship. It just sucks that so many women are like this.
 
shittim

shittim

Senior Member
#18
Dec 16, 2016
14,358
8,140
113
#18
Lynx said:
This has always been the case. You will not find a period in history where there was not a large percentage of the population interested more in sex than relationships.

The solution is likewise as old as time. Let others do what others will do. Choose what you think is best for you.
Click to expand...
We are to take ALL things to Him for His guidance.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#19
May 10, 2011
1,808
397
83
#19
Nufan said:
Im going to just be friends with her. She's too hurt right now and not ready for a relationship. It just sucks that so many women are like this.
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Just being friends with her is a great way to build trust without the pressure of a relationship. People talk about the dreaded "friend zone" and how hard it is to move a friendship on to something serious. But I've never seen it that way. If you can stick with her through this rough time of healing then it will tell her a lot about your character! 😉👍
 
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