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P
Poopsey, I can't help noticing you saying things about what your husband is "supposed" to do. It seesm you have quite a lot of anger (understandable anger!), and expectations of your husband. I just want to share some feelings I've had toward my better half on our 32 years...
I, at one time, used God's word as a club (in my own mind) against my husband. "This is the standard, Joe (not his name), and you'd better live up to it. God says, and you're falling short. I deserve to be treated the way God says you better treat me, so now I have a right to belittle you about it, even if it's not to your face. Your mother and step-father came to my own house and belittled, insulted, and screamed at me me to the point where I hyperventilated and our little boy was cryng and asking if I was okay and you did nothing. You didn't make them stop, you didn't defend me, you just sat there, as always. I am your wife, and you should choose me over anyone else. Here is the scripture to prove it!" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
(oh, I am so ashamed to admit this!)
Was he wrong? Yes! And to my eternal shame, so was I.
Somehow, the Lord was able to make me see that I was not helping. (masterpiece of understatement) He reminded me that I am here to help my husband. And that my job is to love him, even when he doesn't deserve it. Of course I loved him, but at certain times, I didn't act it out. Instead I took the Bible and used it as a weapon, and not in the righteous sense.
Please, please forgive me if the connection I make between your words and my past sins simply does not exist!! I am not saying we are the same...it's just that some things you say remind me of that time, and hey, confession is good, even when it shames me.
I've finally discovered that expectations are a trap. I've said before on this site that my dad said when I was young that though people say marriage is a 50/50 proposition, it isn't. Both parties should go into it expecting to give 100% and get nothing. If both do that, voilá, happy marriage! But he cautioned me to do it even if my husband didn't. I forgot that for a while, but the Lord reminded me of it not a moment too soon...splitting up was imminent.
L-o-n-g story short(er), God healed us, and the last 12 years have been glorious. I just wanted you to know happy endings do exist.
And if you find just a tiny bit of yourself in my history, I pray you will be able to give that to the Lord. If you don't, I pray you be able to forgive me.
love in Jesus ~ellie
I, at one time, used God's word as a club (in my own mind) against my husband. "This is the standard, Joe (not his name), and you'd better live up to it. God says, and you're falling short. I deserve to be treated the way God says you better treat me, so now I have a right to belittle you about it, even if it's not to your face. Your mother and step-father came to my own house and belittled, insulted, and screamed at me me to the point where I hyperventilated and our little boy was cryng and asking if I was okay and you did nothing. You didn't make them stop, you didn't defend me, you just sat there, as always. I am your wife, and you should choose me over anyone else. Here is the scripture to prove it!" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
(oh, I am so ashamed to admit this!)
Was he wrong? Yes! And to my eternal shame, so was I.
Somehow, the Lord was able to make me see that I was not helping. (masterpiece of understatement) He reminded me that I am here to help my husband. And that my job is to love him, even when he doesn't deserve it. Of course I loved him, but at certain times, I didn't act it out. Instead I took the Bible and used it as a weapon, and not in the righteous sense.
Please, please forgive me if the connection I make between your words and my past sins simply does not exist!! I am not saying we are the same...it's just that some things you say remind me of that time, and hey, confession is good, even when it shames me.
I've finally discovered that expectations are a trap. I've said before on this site that my dad said when I was young that though people say marriage is a 50/50 proposition, it isn't. Both parties should go into it expecting to give 100% and get nothing. If both do that, voilá, happy marriage! But he cautioned me to do it even if my husband didn't. I forgot that for a while, but the Lord reminded me of it not a moment too soon...splitting up was imminent.
L-o-n-g story short(er), God healed us, and the last 12 years have been glorious. I just wanted you to know happy endings do exist.
And if you find just a tiny bit of yourself in my history, I pray you will be able to give that to the Lord. If you don't, I pray you be able to forgive me.
love in Jesus ~ellie
Good advice for every marriage! Yes, having too many expectations can be very derailing for a marriage
.We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and how we react to them...even our husbands
.That isn't to say that we can never talk honestly to them about things but I think it's safe to say that no one takes criticism very well. So we need to pick our critical comments carefully. And more importantly start appreciating our husband's good qualities and TELLING HIM so. This is what I really needed to work on.
Find the good things in your marriage, Poopsey, and build on those; it is very comforting to have a life-long companion, even if they aren't perfect. But then, neither are we
P
Poopsey, I can't help noticing you saying things about what your husband is "supposed" to do. It seesm you have quite a lot of anger (understandable anger!), and expectations of your husband. I just want to share some feelings I've had toward my better half on our 32 years...
I, at one time, used God's word as a club (in my own mind) against my husband. "This is the standard, Joe (not his name), and you'd better live up to it. God says, and you're falling short. I deserve to be treated the way God says you better treat me, so now I have a right to belittle you about it, even if it's not to your face. Your mother and step-father came to my own house and belittled, insulted, and screamed at me me to the point where I hyperventilated and our little boy was cryng and asking if I was okay and you did nothing. You didn't make them stop, you didn't defend me, you just sat there, as always. I am your wife, and you should choose me over anyone else. Here is the scripture to prove it!" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
(oh, I am so ashamed to admit this!)
Was he wrong? Yes! And to my eternal shame, so was I.
Somehow, the Lord was able to make me see that I was not helping. (masterpiece of understatement) He reminded me that I am here to help my husband. And that my job is to love him, even when he doesn't deserve it. Of course I loved him, but at certain times, I didn't act it out. Instead I took the Bible and used it as a weapon, and not in the righteous sense.
Please, please forgive me if the connection I make between your words and my past sins simply does not exist!! I am not saying we are the same...it's just that some things you say remind me of that time, and hey, confession is good, even when it shames me.
I've finally discovered that expectations are a trap. I've said before on this site that my dad said when I was young that though people say marriage is a 50/50 proposition, it isn't. Both parties should go into it expecting to give 100% and get nothing. If both do that, voilá, happy marriage! But he cautioned me to do it even if my husband didn't. I forgot that for a while, but the Lord reminded me of it not a moment too soon...splitting up was imminent.
L-o-n-g story short(er), God healed us, and the last 12 years have been glorious. I just wanted you to know happy endings do exist.
And if you find just a tiny bit of yourself in my history, I pray you will be able to give that to the Lord. If you don't, I pray you be able to forgive me.
love in Jesus ~ellie
I, at one time, used God's word as a club (in my own mind) against my husband. "This is the standard, Joe (not his name), and you'd better live up to it. God says, and you're falling short. I deserve to be treated the way God says you better treat me, so now I have a right to belittle you about it, even if it's not to your face. Your mother and step-father came to my own house and belittled, insulted, and screamed at me me to the point where I hyperventilated and our little boy was cryng and asking if I was okay and you did nothing. You didn't make them stop, you didn't defend me, you just sat there, as always. I am your wife, and you should choose me over anyone else. Here is the scripture to prove it!" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
(oh, I am so ashamed to admit this!)
Was he wrong? Yes! And to my eternal shame, so was I.
Somehow, the Lord was able to make me see that I was not helping. (masterpiece of understatement) He reminded me that I am here to help my husband. And that my job is to love him, even when he doesn't deserve it. Of course I loved him, but at certain times, I didn't act it out. Instead I took the Bible and used it as a weapon, and not in the righteous sense.
Please, please forgive me if the connection I make between your words and my past sins simply does not exist!! I am not saying we are the same...it's just that some things you say remind me of that time, and hey, confession is good, even when it shames me.
I've finally discovered that expectations are a trap. I've said before on this site that my dad said when I was young that though people say marriage is a 50/50 proposition, it isn't. Both parties should go into it expecting to give 100% and get nothing. If both do that, voilá, happy marriage! But he cautioned me to do it even if my husband didn't. I forgot that for a while, but the Lord reminded me of it not a moment too soon...splitting up was imminent.
L-o-n-g story short(er), God healed us, and the last 12 years have been glorious. I just wanted you to know happy endings do exist.
And if you find just a tiny bit of yourself in my history, I pray you will be able to give that to the Lord. If you don't, I pray you be able to forgive me.
love in Jesus ~ellie
Funny how you guys turn. First you provide support and then you falsely accuse and criticize.
I will not put up with my husband's abuse and I will stand up to that. If you don't like it then too bad.
And yes love is about giving and not getting but to put up with abuse is just plain stupid. Marriage is a reciprocal relationship and I never said my husband doesn't give.
He is just a complete jerk when he gets angry and somewhat at other times. He has a very sharp tongue.
Other than that he works hard and has excellent character.
P
Good advice for every marriage! Yes, having too many expectations can be very derailing for a marriage .
We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and how we react to them...even our husbands .
That isn't to say that we can never talk honestly to them about things but I think it's safe to say that no one takes criticism very well. So we need to pick our critical comments carefully. And more importantly start appreciating our husband's good qualities and TELLING HIM so. This is what I really needed to work on.
Find the good things in your marriage, Poopsey, and build on those; it is very comforting to have a life-long companion, even if they aren't perfect. But then, neither are we
.We can't change other people but we can change ourselves and how we react to them...even our husbands
.That isn't to say that we can never talk honestly to them about things but I think it's safe to say that no one takes criticism very well. So we need to pick our critical comments carefully. And more importantly start appreciating our husband's good qualities and TELLING HIM so. This is what I really needed to work on.
Find the good things in your marriage, Poopsey, and build on those; it is very comforting to have a life-long companion, even if they aren't perfect. But then, neither are we
The problem is not too many expectations. The problem is my husband and his sharp tongue and not controlling himself when he is angry. I wouldn't mind so much if he just swore when he got angry and said why he is angry but he attacks and says very cutting things. And the power of life and death are in words. Words can hurt and they can heal.
I already know the good qualities that my husband has but that does not mean that I pretend that those bad qualities don't exist. And it depends what the bad qualities are. If it is something that degrades me as a human being are you saying I'm not supposed to confront this? Sorry but I won't put up with being degraded as a human being.
I don't feel God telling me to leave but if and when that happens then I will do so based on abuse and not just some generic bad qualities or faults.
Oh and I don't go around criticizing my husband all day either. I think you are assuming I am doing what you did or are doing. Why don't you ask instead of judge?
]Hi Poopsey i'm sorry that you are going through this dark situation.no one wants a bad spirit lingering around.only the devil enjoys people suffering.here in the prayer room,people want you happy in your life because GOD saw our condition and had mercy on us and sent JESUS to destroy the work of the devil.GOD is good.the devil wants bad for you.as far him laughing when you told him you had went outside the covenant for emotional support,was not good on your part.i know thats not what you want to hear,but JESUS talks about the inward man.don't even give the wrong apperance.Father give poopsey a revalation word in the spirit,resurance that you love her and you are for her.
Colossians Chapter 3
22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:
23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Colossians Chapter 3
22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:
23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
P
What are you talking about? The reason my husband was laughing is because he doesn't see anyone else as being a threat. I already talked to him about this more and he thinks my so called friend is a joke and a fake. I think he could be a tinge jealous also but won't admit it openly. My husband also told me that he knows I would not just leave him for another man and that I think things through so you are off base.
As for the emotional support I was at a really low point and suicidal and the friend was a life line to me at that time. It was not cheating or going out of the covenant. My husband himself doesn't think I cheated so why are you judging me along with some others?
To me cheating is physical cheating or having illicit conversations or some dirty photos. I never did any of that.
I would ask that you please stop the attacks and condemnations.
Thank you.
As for the emotional support I was at a really low point and suicidal and the friend was a life line to me at that time. It was not cheating or going out of the covenant. My husband himself doesn't think I cheated so why are you judging me along with some others?
To me cheating is physical cheating or having illicit conversations or some dirty photos. I never did any of that.
I would ask that you please stop the attacks and condemnations.
Thank you.
U
Hi Poopsey
I am still in support of your leaving. True, there are some things you can do to help curb or prevent abuse from getting bad, as some have said, but usually these things work best when its all fresh and new. But your husband has a 21 year habit of abuse. Thats not so easily changed. Also, abusers have a very low rate of ever changing their abusive patterns since so few of them ever take responsibility for their actions.
I am still in support of your leaving. True, there are some things you can do to help curb or prevent abuse from getting bad, as some have said, but usually these things work best when its all fresh and new. But your husband has a 21 year habit of abuse. Thats not so easily changed. Also, abusers have a very low rate of ever changing their abusive patterns since so few of them ever take responsibility for their actions.
V
Poopsey, I'm at a lost for words to tell you anything, specifically because I've never been married, and so therefore never been abused by a husband. But, I have suffered abuse, from the time I was in elementary till I was in college. So, I do understand the hurt, frustration and anger you have. Yes, over time emotional and physical abuse can wear you down to the point of feeling worthless. But, that's not how God sees you.
I have a couple question, you say that you have no outside support. Are you able to go to church, or do you go to church? And if you do, are you able to talk with those there at your church? The other thing, have you tried contacting the battered women's shelter and just asking them where you can go for support while you are trying to deal with the emotional abuse your husband has given you?
I wish I could be there with you right now to give you the love and support you need. Just know I'll be praying for you.
I have a couple question, you say that you have no outside support. Are you able to go to church, or do you go to church? And if you do, are you able to talk with those there at your church? The other thing, have you tried contacting the battered women's shelter and just asking them where you can go for support while you are trying to deal with the emotional abuse your husband has given you?
I wish I could be there with you right now to give you the love and support you need. Just know I'll be praying for you.
I will pray for you. God wants to answer your prayer but you have to believe and walk in faith.
Psalm 31:24:
"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD."
Proverbs 4:23:
"Wisdom Guards the Heart"
Proverbs 3:5:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Psalm 118:6-9 :
"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."
Psalm 31:24:
"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD."
Proverbs 4:23:
"Wisdom Guards the Heart"
Proverbs 3:5:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Psalm 118:6-9 :
"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."