Thinking about killing myself

I gave you a heart reaction because I want to give you a hug. I am sorry that you are being tormented with your thoughts? Have you reached out for help offline? Have you reached out to see if there is something going on in your mind that is harming your well-being. People can be unkind but usually they have their own stuff they are working through. Do you pray to the Lord, asking for His help? Have you studied the word. Remember that verse i shared Jeremiah 15:16

I found the words and I ate them and they became the joy and rejoicing of my heart, for I am called by the Lord of Hosts.

See that scripture tells us that His word helps lifts our heads and emotions. I so want to help you, but God, I believe wants to more and He can. Lean in on Him.

About those dark thought and dreams, they just may be a blessings in disguise, telling you to get some help. We all need help, from time to time.

I tried like a person I saw in person and talked to but they don't want to talk to me anymore because I talk about myself too much. Idk how to get their attention when they stop talking to me though and don't say anything. Like they're important to me and I love them but they don't love me.

I can't read without someone. I need help. The people I asked to help went away after like 4 months or something. One said it wasn't doing any good and the other said I couldn't focuse. It was like the thing I looked forward to most and it meant nothing to them.

We humans have a hard time focusing all our attention one way in our connections. We want to share and we want others to listen and care sincerely for us too. So ask these ppl about their days, take an interest in them. Folks appreciate knowing that they matter to others. Maybe we should both pray, every morning, that God brings you love and helps teach you how to extend love in a safe and healthy way that blesses others and you too.

Idk I feel sour inside like no appetite anymore. I think I need to take sleeping medicine again and just sleep. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm confused and frrustrating to talk to I'm sure. I haven't had any drugs or medicine or cut or anything in a few days and feel upset inside. My body needs a rest from something idk what. I'm sorry I should stop. I'm so sorry. You're so nice but I just talk about me. I need to go for tonight. Goodnight.

You obviously have no idea how fast was fast to me. I once passed a California Highway Patrol car. in my home built muscle car, that was going 105 mph on the L.A. Harbor freeway through South Central L.A. when I passed it. I spent 3 days in jail awaiting my arraignment and bail hearing. I WAS SOBER! I once fried the speedometer of my 4 cylinder Yamaha super bike in the California desert headed for Vegas, SOBER. I took it of and threw it away then rode to Texoma, over 1000 miles without a speedometer and continued to ride it that way SOBER for over a year. I've gone 0-110 mph under 13 seconds, on my bike, for fun.

I've got a titanium knee implant, I've broken my left leg twice, 2 ribs, my clavicle (collar bone,) in 2 places, my jaw, my cheekbone, nose and skull. Self destructive, fearless, reckless behavior. That was me. Oh I forgot to mention I used to gamble a couple hundred dollars a week in Vegas, sober and loaded.

In short, I was nuts. I've found a better way and that my life was worth more than my desire to escape from it.

Now I'm a sane, happy, family man with grandchildren and a love interest I realize it's not quite the same, but it's selfish, foolish, dangerous and self destructive just the same. My escape was adrenaline and drugs, including alcohol. If my maniacal, clinically depressive, escapist behavior could be curbed yours can be too. I'm done now, it's your move. Nothing is going to get better if you don't co-operate. You can cry in your soup the rest of your life, get locked up for being a danger to yourself, die, or get off of your butt and get help. It's your decision. We can only carry the message, take it or leave it. It's your choice! May God help you. Amen!