40 - the line of demarcation

[hoss2576]

Next year I turn 40 years old. Generally, I wouldn't consider that a big deal, because age is just a number as they say. However, as I have been on CC these past ten months, I have began to notice a line of demarcation that happens at age 40. Let me start by saying that I haven't seen this in everyone, but admittedly it looks like the majority hence the thread.

It seems like after 40, people have a jaded or negative view about most issues. Worse they may have an I give up take on issues. Don't agree with me? Read most of the relationship threads in the singles forum and pay attention to the age of the folks posting what you deem positive versus negative thoughts. Understand, I am not even just talking about offering words of caution.

Before anyone offers the "just wait until you have experienced all that I have gone through" argument, please don't use that one. It is a reactive argument, and honestly, I can go tit-for-tat on experiences, and I am better off now than before.

###

So if you are over 40 and feel you became more jaded and negative, why? If over 40, and more positive, how did you stay that way? If you are under 40, have you encountered this same thing and do you fear becoming more jaded or cynical? How do you plan to not turn into someone whose advice and wisodom is full of negativity?

 

[tourist]

You may be right. After you have reached a certain age, you have been there and done that, and like someone older than I said before on CC, you have bought the T-shirt. Perhaps us older residents of this site have gotten over our dis-illusion stage and have move forward until we have come to a place of rest. Jaded, maybe - negative, not really. Just realistic.

 

[zeroturbulence]

A lot of folks over 40 have already been married/divorced/raised kids or a combination of those three.

Those over 40 who have not, have probably already been in many relationships/break-ups or have experienced long-term relationships/break-ups or...

if they haven't had a relationship yet, they've probably already tried everything they could think of..

 

[maxwel]

Next year I turn 40 years old. Generally, I wouldn't consider that a big deal, because age is just a number as they say. However, as I have been on CC these past ten months, I have began to notice a line of demarcation that happens at age 40. Let me start by saying that I haven't seen this in everyone, but admittedly it looks like the majority hence the thread.

It seems like after 40, people have a jaded or negative view about most issues. Worse they may have an I give up take on issues. Don't agree with me? Read most of the relationship threads in the singles forum and pay attention to the age of the folks posting what you deem positive versus negative thoughts. Understand, I am not even just talking about offering words of caution.

Before anyone offers the "just wait until you have experienced all that I have gone through" argument, please don't use that one. It is a reactive argument, and honestly, I can go tit-for-tat on experiences, and I am better off now than before.

###

So if you are over 40 and feel you became more jaded and negative, why? If over 40, and more positive, how did you stay that way? If you are under 40, have you encountered this same thing and do you fear becoming more jaded or cynical? How do you plan to not turn into someone whose advice and wisodom is full of negativity?

So... why are you asking what people think if you've already made up your mind?


Oh... maybe by actually READING your words and THINKING ABOUT THEM, instead of just blinding answering questions for which you've already admitted to having strongly held presuppositions... ummmm...maybe that means I'm cynical and jaded.



Yeah... LISTENING and THINKING, and then QUESTIONING your LOGIC must mean I'm jaded.

Jaded and OLD.




Yeah, I'm just messing with ya.

Mostly
: )

 

[Angela53510]

I'm 21 years older than 40 and doing just fine. I have a lot of physical problems, but they are from disease not age. I find ways to cope and excell in spite of them.

Really, my life started fresh in my 50's, when I went to Seminary, and really dug into God's Word. Those 7 years were just awesome, and God is still using me and I am growing, so neither age nor health really mean anything. And I was not the only "elderly" person at Seminary. Many retired people, called to missions, ministry. It was pretty inspiring how many.

So no, I don't think there is a line draw in the sand. In fact, 40 is young! So what are you doing for God, now that you are 40?? No sense wasting any more years on the world.

Youth is highly overrated anyway, and wasted on the young. LOL

PS. Married now almost 35 years and just moved to a warmer climate. Age is no barrier to staying married, loving someone and doing new and exciting things together.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Have I encountered it? Yes, in the Singles Forum. Which leads me to ask: Is the OP presupposed on the Singles Forum?

Do I fear becoming jaded/cynical? No, I disdain the prospect of becoming that. I think having contempt for it makes it easier to abstain from it than fearing it does.

As far as planning goes, I don't plan around it beyond planning on striving to hone my character as much as I can.

And honestly, people can be cynical, jaded, melodramatic, or even immature or egotistical regardless of age ─ which I think brings us full circle to the notion that "age is just a number."

 

[Willie-T]

HEY! I'm positive! Life stinks... I'm positive of it.

 

[JesusLives]

O.K. Blond here......

All I can tell you is I see my life in stages.....

in my 20's life was pie in the sky things MUST BE A CERTAIN WAY and life would be PERFECT....that didn't happen...so

in my 30's my expectations dropped a tad things didn't have to go a certain way but I still wanted THE BEST.....then

in my 40's I gave up and tried to end life as I knew it, but GOD SAID NO and I LIVED.....to learn that life on earth is not all it is cracked up to be but I also learned that life with GOD IS WORTH LIVING.....and then

in my 50's I determined to be a happy single not ever expecting to get married or be in a relationship ever again and I was o.k. with it and really happy as I found my niche with GOD AS THE HEAD OF MY HOUSE and He took care of me and I was not lonely anymore as I KNEW I WAS LOVED.

I was rewarded at the end of my 50's with a husband who also knows how to LOVE GOD AND PUT HIM FIRST. so then we both turned

60.....can't quite comment on my attitude for that decade yet as I am currently living it and LOVING IT.... WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE....not yelling just emphasizing. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER WITH THE LOVES I HAVE IN MY LIFE MY HUBBY AND THREE IN ONE GOD.....

 

[psychomom]

i'm a whole lot less jaded and negative than i was under 40.

i think for 2 reasons....the kids grew up.

and Jesus. ♥

 

[mystikmind]

It is a fairly simple equation really, you know, sometimes bad things happen in life, and the longer you live, the more bad things will have happened. You just have to observe the behavior of many very elderly people to get the gist of where this fact of life takes many people.

And when it comes to turning 40, well that is a crucial point in life where you have to face the fact that the honeymoon of youth is over, and if your relationships have slipped away at this age, then there are very strong feelings that you have 'missed the boat' and or wasted your life with someone/someone's who are now no longer by your side.

 

[Descyple]

At 40 years old, I am closer to and have more knowledge of Jesus than at any other age in my life.

Therefore......................................... BEING 40 ROCKS!!!

(and I expect 41 to be even better!!!).


"Grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" - 2 Peter 3:18 (you cannot grow in Christ without growing older).


And growing older gives us the great privilege of sharing the grace of God with those in their youth who have yet to experience Him, and to pass His truths on to them.

"O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come."
- Psalm 70:17-18

 

[psychomom]

"Grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" - 2 Peter 3:18 (you cannot grow in Christ without growing older).

er, unless it happens all at once?

(srsly like what you said )

 

[Fenner]

Next year I turn 40 years old. Generally, I wouldn't consider that a big deal, because age is just a number as they say. However, as I have been on CC these past ten months, I have began to notice a line of demarcation that happens at age 40. Let me start by saying that I haven't seen this in everyone, but admittedly it looks like the majority hence the thread.

It seems like after 40, people have a jaded or negative view about most issues. Worse they may have an I give up take on issues. Don't agree with me? Read most of the relationship threads in the singles forum and pay attention to the age of the folks posting what you deem positive versus negative thoughts. Understand, I am not even just talking about offering words of caution.

Before anyone offers the "just wait until you have experienced all that I have gone through" argument, please don't use that one. It is a reactive argument, and honestly, I can go tit-for-tat on experiences, and I am better off now than before.

###

So if you are over 40 and feel you became more jaded and negative, why? If over 40, and more positive, how did you stay that way? If you are under 40, have you encountered this same thing and do you fear becoming more jaded or cynical? How do you plan to not turn into someone whose advice and wisodom is full of negativity?

OK Hoss, the internet is a festering pool for negativity, trolling and down right miserableness from certain people sometimes. In fact I was just thinking how rude and nervy some become when they sit down and start responding to news threads on Facebook, it can be down right awful. So if you're taking what you read on CC or any other place in general and chalk it up to, well that's how it is when you're over 40, you're doomed sir.

I know I'm married and have two kids. I do realize that there are some on here who want those things and may be depressed because it hasn't happened to them yet, or it has, turned out bad and they aren't happy with things. I don't mean anyone specific on CC. But you know from time to time you come across negativity, it happens in all age brackets.

I do notice there are a bunch of other singles that are over 40 that are single and are really great positive people. Seoul Search, very positive single person, who I don't think is 40 yet. Gypsy Girl, very positive person, not married. Grace Like Rain, divorced children, very uplifting positive person, Cat herder, single, divorced, happy, positive man.

From a younger age bracket, Zaoman, in his 20's, divorced has children. Has really grown close to God these last few years, sounds like he's been through some traumatic tough stuff, but he's positive and happy, or seems to be.

Then you got me, no I'm not single, but that doesn't mean life hasn't been tough at times. I gotta say, when I was younger, even in my 30's married I was a pretty unhappy negative person. I've learned a lot about myself in the last 15 years. I did go to therapy and thank God it helped because I was probably headed for divorce. I turned 45 February 25th. It didn't bother me. The world is still spinning. I thank God he's given me 45 years to make mistakes, turn things around, drop to my knees to ask for forgiveness. I'm glad he brought some pretty difficult people into my world at time times. For the most part I was able to help them become more positive, not always, but sometimes, or at least make them smile. My favorite jobs have been, working with the elderly, fixing eyeglasses and finally now working with children.

I hope while I'm still on this planet I can bring some joy to other's. I want to serve God the best I can while I'm still here. My thought on age, we don't know how much time we're supposed to be here, take it by the reigns and make it happy.

God Bless.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Hoss! Great thread, and thank you so much for the topic. I've actually been meaning to write a thread asking how we can speak with wisdom to those younger than we are without sounding patronizing to them and at the same time, graciously accept advice from those older than us who speak to US in a patronizing manner.

Nothing shuts me down faster than when a person automatically assumes some kind of "teacher" role over me without knowing anything about me but I also realize that I have to stop myself from doing this to others as well.

I agree with what many have said here. Some think I'm negative, but a good friend of mine, even in high school, branded me as "realistic" and so I tend to stick with that description. I think when we're younger, the possibilities look endless and a lack of experience can allow us to approach things in a more innocent manner. We think we can be whatever we want if we just work hard enough. We also think we can help or change anyone for the better if we only try hard enough. Back then, I was eager to help anyone I could without realizing that I was also very much enabling them to do the wrong thing, which can be just as much of a sin as what they were doing, but I didn't realize that at the time. I've also been learning to recognize the difference between helping someone out of my own pride rather than listening to God's lead.

I think by this age you realize that life is not an endless stream of opportunities and that you have to make wise decisions because choices are much more limited than you once thought. Instead of chasing after your dream career, you may now make choices based on paying your bills and feeding your family. Which also puts a much different spin on dating.

Something I've also come to realize as I've gotten older is that there are more challenges to face as you get older. Most of the gentlemen in my age range now are dealing with things such as parents with ailing health or their own medical challenges as well, along with raising kids, putting them through college, and sometimes even adjusting to grandchildren. I've known many people who aren't even 40 and are already grandparents, whether through their own children or through their significant others.

When you're in your 20's you generally don't have to think about how you're going to put your kids through college or welcoming a new grandbaby!

At the same time, I've become better at figuring things out I didn't know or realize before instead of just getting upset. I often wonder if my ex-husband and I had met at this stage of the game, if things would have gone differently...

I'm not sure how it is for men, but for women (myself at least), it really does start to feel like the possibility of marrying is gone by age 35. Many men my age whom I've had conversations with have told me they look for women in their 20's because they see younger women as being hopeful and optimistic instead of bitter and jaded, as they see women their own age to be, and I do understand that.

However, one of the most freeing things for me was realizing around age 37 that I don't HAVE to have kids. Yes, God makes anything possible but at my age, even if I met someone tomorrow, I'd want to date around two years, be married at least 3 years, and maybe then start talking about having a family--which would put me at starting a family around age 46, give or take. Starting a family close to age 50 might be great for Hollywood celebrities, but I know it would not be right for me. And this automatically crosses me off the list of a great majority of single men, which I do understand.

But my focus has also shifted. Instead of finding "the one", I have my sights set on retirement, traveling, volunteer work, and lifelong learning. If I can find someone who's interested in the same things and wants to make the journey together, great! If not, I know from watching others that I can still have a good and meaningful life, despite what society tells us. I've met many other women who are using their time and talents to serve and learn in all kinds of interesting settings, and if I never meet the right person, I know I'll look to these women as inspiration.

I know my posts sometimes sound like they're coming from the pit of despair but believe it or not, I'm actually the happiest I've ever been. Mostly because God broke my dependence on unhealthy relationships and is teaching me how to LIVE instead of just exist. Many of the questions I ask here are things I've been through IN THE PAST and am not dealing with in the present or I'm writing from the perspective of watching someone else go through something. Despite what some might thing, I'm not constantly wringing my hands in anxiety over all the things I write about. My purpose is generally just to throw out topics for group discussion, which is why I don't write blogs.

Something very important I have learned is that a single life lived well is much, MUCH better than being attached to a relationship that is slowly draining away your life, but you won't admit it (and hang on to it because you fear being alone.)

For myself, I have found that being in the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons is a death sentence compared to being single and having the freedom to at least make choices that will improve your quality of life (and hopefully, the lives of others around you as well.)

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. Fenner, I love your posts along with those of MissCris, psychomom, Oncefallen, and several other married people here. I feel like y'all tell us how it REALLY is without sugarcoating anything and yet are very upbeat and positive, even when you're upset about something. I LOVED the thread in which you wrote what Valentine's Day is really like for those who are married. It was comforting, eye-opening, and funny all at the same time! Which is something we singles really need to hear...

Please keep posting and hanging out with us. You continue to inspire us all.

 

[Fenner]

P.S. Fenner, I love your posts along with those of MissCris, psychomom, Oncefallen, and several other married people here. I feel like y'all tell us how it REALLY is without sugarcoating anything and yet are very upbeat and positive, even when you're upset about something. I LOVED the thread in which you wrote what Valentine's Day is really like for those who are married. It was comforting, eye-opening, and funny all at the same time! Which is something we singles really need to hear...

Please keep posting and hanging out with us. You continue to inspire us all.

Thanks Kim, that's really sweet. Life can be tough, no sugar coating that. But you know single or married I think we're all pretty lucky to be on this earth.

 

[Lynx]

So if you are over 40 and feel you became more jaded and negative, why? If over 40, and more positive, how did you stay that way? If you are under 40, have you encountered this same thing and do you fear becoming more jaded or cynical? How do you plan to not turn into someone whose advice and wisodom is full of negativity?

Hmm... how do I plan to not turn into someone who is negative? Well, what if I WANT to turn into an old grump? (Everyone seems to leave them alone after all.)

Kidding, kidding.

Joking aside though, this reminds me of something I was talking about in a sermon once. How do you know which way to live your life? There are many ways to go in life and you only have one life to try them with. How do you know you'll pick the right one?

"What you do" I said "is find an elder who seems to be happy and ask him how he lived his life. Don't ask the grumpy people - they went through life and it turned them into grumps. Whatever way they lived, it didn't work."

"And just for the record" I added "A lot of the elders here at church seem to be happy. Just saying."

 

[Lynx]

By the way, I heard 60 is the new 40. Maybe they'll turn into grumps when they hit 60 from now on. Then we can remake "Grumpy Old Men."

 

[mystikmind]

Hmm... how do I plan to not turn into someone who is negative? Well, what if I WANT to turn into an old grump? (Everyone seems to leave them alone after all.)

Kidding, kidding.

Joking aside though, this reminds me of something I was talking about in a sermon once. How do you know which way to live your life? There are many ways to go in life and you only have one life to try them with. How do you know you'll pick the right one?

"What you do" I said "is find an elder who seems to be happy and ask him how he lived his life. Don't ask the grumpy people - they went through life and it turned them into grumps. Whatever way they lived, it didn't work."

"And just for the record" I added "A lot of the elders here at church seem to be happy. Just saying."

Asking old people who are not grumpy their secrets,,,, brilliant!

 

[yaright]

Well, I do remember Jesus saying, those who have not sinned, cast the first stone. Now that you mentioned it, the older men left first. Might be we know to much.