40s and not married.

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TheNarrowPath said:
can you tell im not tech savvy!? im going to pray on disclosing because my pastor did say dont disclose so much about yourself to others. yep def have to pray on this :)
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I'm not saying you shouldn't pray about it. But I think it's just common sense. Tell us what you need to tell us. :)
 
tourist said:
That's what we're here for, for support, encouragement, and prayer. I doubt that your problems are boring.
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I get it but for now Im guarding my heart. I dont know anyone personally here and so for now Im choosing not to spill out my life story for anyones light reading. Maybe I will one day but that takes trust.
 
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TheNarrowPath said:
I get it but for now Im guarding my heart. I dont know anyone personally here and so for now Im choosing not to spill out my life story for anyones light reading. Maybe I will one day but that takes trust.
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The way this website is, you will probably never tell your story.

I started telling my story in the very first post I made. Why? Because I need too! If I kept everything to myself all the time, there would be no communication. No communication means no interaction. No interaction means there will never be any friendships, period! Why? Because all relationships of any kind, feed off of communication. My other choice is to die alone. Cause if I don't speak out, then I just fade into the background and will be forgotten forever.

If you got friendships in your real life. People you can trust with your stories. Then stick to them. Why talk to any of us?
 
Seeking-Christ said:
The way this website is, you will probably never tell your story.

I started telling my story in the very first post I made. Why? Because I need too! If I kept everything to myself all the time, there would be no communication. No communication means no interaction. No interaction means there will never be any friendships, period! Why? Because all relationships of any kind, feed off of communication. My other choice is to die alone. Cause if I don't speak out, then I just fade into the background and will be forgotten forever.

If you got friendships in your real life. People you can trust with your stories. Then stick to them. Why talk to any of us?
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Nope, I disagree. I was just replying to your original post. And I dont know the way this website is, Ive only been on here less than a week so I dont know what you mean by that.
Do I need to tell my story or any story? No I dont.
Or...If I do I will do it at my own pace, I can be selective with whom I share details with. Youre assuming a lot about me just from a few posts back and forth and I think that is unfair.
Especially your last statement its actually quite judgemental.
 
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TheNarrowPath said:
Nope, I disagree. I was just replying to your original post. And I dont know the way this website is, Ive only been on here less than a week so I dont know what you mean by that.
Do I need to tell my story or any story? No I dont.
Or...If I do I will do it at my own pace, I can be selective with whom I share details with. Youre assuming a lot about me just from a few posts back and forth and I think that is unfair.
Especially your last statement its actually quite judgemental.
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Your getting snippy with me, so our conversation is over.
 
Well likely a number of them are simply divorced, and divorced and in your 40s is a bit of a cliché for a reason. This puts many of them in recovery mode.

We also have anti-male/female groups openly discouraging marriage, even among Christians.

Also teachings among Christians on finding a mate has raised people's standards to near perfection.

As well as a rise in speaking against dating at all, instead teaching things like courtship. This greatly limits your available options as it is the unpopular view.

Unrealistic views on dating and marriage. The number of 18-25 year olds depressed and hopeless because they aren't married or dating is surprising. Such people are likely to remain single because their desperation is obvious, or end up in bad marriages, in which they'll be divorced and reluctant to remarry.

Not to mention the frequency of threads started here on how someone can't find a 'real' Christian to date/marry. Ironically the male to female ratio to these complaints are fairly even.

I'm sure there is more to go on but all these things make for a lot of explanation about being single in your 40s.
 
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TheNarrowPath said:
Nope, I disagree. I was just replying to your original post. And I dont know the way this website is, Ive only been on here less than a week so I dont know what you mean by that.
Do I need to tell my story or any story? No I dont.
Or...If I do I will do it at my own pace, I can be selective with whom I share details with. Youre assuming a lot about me just from a few posts back and forth and I think that is unfair.
Especially your last statement its actually quite judgemental.
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I agree with you. If you feel to be more particular about sharing personal details on a public forum, then that's what you should do.
And it seems having someone try to pressure and guilt you into sharing more (someone that doesn't even know you) only increases the legitimacy of your reasons. Tis quite creepy to watch them pressure you. Perhaps leaving this blog (and avoiding the user) may he better than arguing with them?
I have a rule about disagreements. I won't go beyond two posts before moving on. You won't change their mind and you'll just find yourself frustrated in the long run for no good reason.
 
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TheNarrowPath said:
I get it but for now Im guarding my heart. I dont know anyone personally here and so for now Im choosing not to spill out my life story for anyones light reading. Maybe I will one day but that takes trust.
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Without trust there is no foundation for a relationship.
 
Seeking-Christ said:
One of the things i find interesting about this Christian Forum, is how many people who are in there 40's and not married. I don't recall any place I've been online or offline that has as many people in this age group not married.

I don't understand how come so many Christian people are having such trouble finding a mate. I don't include myself in this observation because I got some weird problems, that I don't think most people here have... But anyways, I just felt like saying something about this observation.
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Many here simply do not wish to be married.
Now in the westernized societies the economic and safety imperative of marriage is not as well defined as in other cultures.

I'm not saying that there is really a lessened desire...just that the attitudes of men and women desiring to live in a family unit meet squarely and conflict with their own desires of self actualization.

We don't have the ability to be in a successful relationship....both from a careful choosing or in behavioral modification and attitudes standpoint.
("It IS all about me" is what the behavioral norm is regardless of what they say)

And that's the truth.
 
Because that age group is generation X; the latch key kid generation that raises themselves on microwave convenience food and tv. Couple fierce independence and the neurosis that comes from being the neglected middle child of the modern age and well we are basically unmarriable
 
40's and not married,

Well I had the radio on in the car the other night (not something I normally do) a secular station that had it's nighttime request/dedication program and was listening as a woman was sharing her story.
I only caught the end, but she was talking about how in her late 20's/early 30's she went to china, adopted a baby girl, and about raising her as a "single mom" etc. Her story ended talking about this wonderful man in their lives and how proposed and ended saying "At 43 years old I'm getting married for the first time!
 
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akaDorthy said:
40's and not married,

Well I had the radio on in the car the other night (not something I normally do) a secular station that had it's nighttime request/dedication program and was listening as a woman was sharing her story.
I only caught the end, but she was talking about how in her late 20's/early 30's she went to china, adopted a baby girl, and about raising her as a "single mom" etc. Her story ended talking about this wonderful man in their lives and how proposed and ended saying "At 43 years old I'm getting married for the first time!
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I hope it works out for her! :)
 
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@tourist

I believe the only way that people can learn to trust each other, is they must be willing to talk and share with each other. There is some risk involved. But if your not wiling to take any risk at all, then no relationship can be started. I'm not saying that people should be stupid, and spill everything right away. But you got be willing to open up and start sharing some... That is why I said, share what you need too. I mean share just what you need to tell us, so that we can try to be helpful.
 
Seeking-Christ said:
@tourist

I believe the only way that people can learn to trust each other, is they must be willing to talk and share with each other. There is some risk involved. But if your not wiling to take any risk at all, then no relationship can be started. I'm not saying that people should be stupid, and spill everything right away. But you got be willing to open up and start sharing some... That is why I said, share what you need too. I mean share just what you need to tell us, so that we can try to be helpful.
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I have always said that the decision to try to form an enduring relationship is a calculated risk. To establish trust, you must be willing to make yourself vulnerable so the other person can see who you really are and what you are about.

You have certainly done this through your many posts. A single woman, on this site, should now be able to make an informed decision whether or not she will now lower her defenses a little and make herself a bit vulnerable too.

As you have said, if a member seeks a measure of help, prayer, or encouragement, then this would require lowering their shields too.

I fully concur with your estimation.
 
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