A Christian Couple is Engaged. One Has an Accident, Leaving Them Partially Paralyzed. Should They Still Marry?

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seoulsearch said:
It was inevitable that the subject of looks would come up.

I wanted to put a few pictures of women in the original post, but ran out of time.

How many men would still marry women in wheelchairs who looked like this?

Would an exception be made for gorgeous women who looked more like models that everyday women they might see in real life?


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I guess it just depends on mutual attraction being there... I certainly wouldn’t want to marry someone who lusted after me and had his own selfish desire for sex as his reason for marrying... ugh lol.
 
Polar said:
He said that he was a Christian. Well, you say that now. Get back to me in about 20 years. :)
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Saying your a Christian and actually being one can be two very different things. I don’t need to get back to you in 20 years; my life has been hard and I have stuck by people I love for years, even when my life has been at risk.
Love never fails.
 
Butterflyyy said:
Saying your a Christian and actually being one can be two very different things. I don’t need to get back to you in 20 years; my life has been hard and I have stuck by people I love for years, even when my life has been at risk.
Love never fails.
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Well, my response was only indicated by what you said referring to how he looked and my point being that looks can be very deceiving. I actually had someone try to kill me, twice, so tell me about it. Anyway....
 
seoulsearch said:
I have always wanted to read at least one of her books... Also Corrie ten Boom, because she went through so much (Holocaust survivor.)

Thanks for this post, Lanolin -- I'm going to take this as a sign that I need to get cracking! :)
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I have read several of her books and they are very good. You can tell even in the tough times she had a relationship with God.. An amazing woman...
 
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seoulsearch said:
It was inevitable that the subject of looks would come up.

I wanted to put a few pictures of women in the original post, but ran out of time.

How many men would still marry women in wheelchairs who looked like this?

Would an exception be made for gorgeous women who looked more like models that everyday women they might see in real life?


iu

iu


iu
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The smile doesn't reach their eyes on any of them. I'd have to see how they smile when they are really smiling.

Mind you, I'm not saying those people are fake. I don't know any of them. I'm just saying all three smiles are camera smiles, so I can't tell anything about them. I'd have to see some real expressions to tell.
 
I have a life and lifestyle that are rather active and mobile. I like to travel, go places, meet people, and do things.

Wife is right there beside me encouraging and egging me onward. She is my ministry partner in all things.
She can't do the things that I do....but I can't do what she does either.

Now a life altering thing like being paralyzed or quadriplegic....that's a radical life change for most people. They have a very very difficult time living afterwards....not just existing but truly living. Instead of the missionary they become the mission field. Now if they can actually rise above their impediments...let's Rock!

We all have some sort of impediments to living that we use regularly as a crutch. For me it's my lack of Musical ability. I have none whatsoever. I learned to play the piano but I still don't have music in my hands. Good missionaries can at least sing....I can't. It's my crutch. But I overcome that with other talents...I'm not a rock star but I do run the wire for the sound board for the stars. There's always a way if you want there to be one.


After marriage it's God's providence that protects us. But if He allows it so be it....it's God's choice.


God's choices and our choices....attitudes are all we truly own. God does the rest.
 
JohnDB said:
I'm not a rock star but I do run the wire for the sound board for the stars. There's always
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My stepdaughter had a long-term boyfriend who was the sound man for the group Starship. I met the lead singer Mickey Thomas and talked to him at length at poolside in a Walt Disney World resort. Got excellent free seats at two of their concerts in Epcot. Mickey seemed quite humble was willing to converse with an ordinary person like myself. My wife talked to him too along with the rest of the band that was wading in the pool. I am right now wearing a T-Shirt he gave with a picture of the group on the front and the times, dates, and locations of some of their concerts from a prior tour.
 
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I can say that I am glad that God knows my limits. Like several I really don't know what I would do. I just know that at and up until this point God has not put me in a position that I have needed to do it. I am married and I do know that whatever happens that I am here to be a partner to my husband and I will do what I can as long as I can to make sure we both have a good quality of life.

I don't breathe very well anymore and thank God I was not a smoker as I'd probably be on oxygen if I had been. But I do what I can for as long as I can and will continue to do so for as long as possible. I get frustrated with myself because I used to be able to run circles around people getting things done and now it's a chore just to change the sheets on the bed or stand cooking a meal for long periods of time.

I love my first Mother-In-Law as she said old age is not for wimps and she is right.
 
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Joni considered many things before marrying that she would be a burden to her husband, like being honest to him was he really prepared to do the messy stuff that needed to be done every day like change her catheter?

She had a caregiver already but did he know what it was like for a paralysed person to take up so much of an able persons time? These considerations crossed her mind for sure. But they did work it out thanks to God.

So I think depends on the person what you prepared to do and what kind of life you want to lead together. It helped that Ken supported Jonis ministry and saw what she did was valuable. He wasnt just going on her looks (which to anybody seeing her, she always made the effort to be presentable) but her character and her faith.
 
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Regarding paralysis, while its a terrible thing at times not to be able to walk, the faith and care that people show on a daily basis for someone who cannot literally stand on their own two feet is enormous.

Im sure if that happened to me, there would be times where I would wonder what is the point of even getting out of bed? I cannot walk. I would most likely get very down on myself espcially if I had been very active before (as tend to be the case with accidents happening to the more risk takers!)

But then you see paralympians and you'd probably be inspired how active they are espcially with the tech now that makes things easier for them to get around.

I was reading about Louis Braille, who invented the braille alphabet for the blind because he wanted to read books (and not just rely on others to read to him) . He did this when he was only 12 years old!

I dont know if he ever married but his invention profoundly opened up lives to all those affected by blindness. He became a school teacher and the blind students loved him as he was such a good teacher. He didnt let an accident or disabilty stop him from learning,
 
In the Bible. there was a paralysed man and all his friends helped him see Jesus by lowering him through the roof

I dont know if he was married, but I think being married can kind of stop you from having lots of friends, since youd be commited or obligated to spending all your time with just one person.

anyway, marriage can be disabling for many able bodied people, its not a solution or even the best case scenario for people. Which does make me think how much benefit do people truly get out of being married? Jesus never saw the benefit, in fact, he kind of was ambivalent about it. He even shocked people by saying that marriage is not for everyone and the disciples were like what. I guess some people get condtioned to believe that marriage solves everyones problems.
 
I think the OP scenario

the guy was only 18 and I dont know how old the fiancee was. That is VERY young to be married

Neuroscientists say that the brain only reaches full maturity at age 25 onwards, so technically, that person is still a child (in their brain)

if the accident happened much later in life, perhap the able person might have had more maturity or experience to handle it better, when you are young there are so many things you want to do in life before marriage ties you down, because if you do get married and start having children you just would not be able to do stuff as looking after children is a full time job till they are 18 or so! or 25 or...ok even older

haha
though most people push their children out the door at 18 months now, there you go on your own now. WALK, Im not driving you around or pushing your buggie forever.
 
people these days if they have the means now have motorised wheel chairs/scooters/buggies that allow them a lot more independence.

Places are now more wheelchair friendly than they used to be but...the same wheels can stop them from exercising. Its kind of a catch 22. You need wheels to get around but they stop you from walking and you have more accidents on them.

I just cant count all the times children (and adults) got injured cos they crashed whether it was in a car, bicycle or scooter. Or a big truck goin over the centre line.

Nobody seems to get injured while walking, unless they just dont look where they are going. People gain proper sense of balance when they are walking, which you dont do while sitting on your butt riding
 
seoulsearch said:
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I dont know what Scripture would back it up either side of this coin. In my opinion you are free to engage, disengage whether you are Christian or other. You have a right to be happy, if happy includes a healthy sex life and your partner cannot commit then why stay in that union? Or if you are happy to go without, then stay in the relationship.
Return the engagement ring and the gifts would be the proper thing to do also.
 
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