An Annoying Thread. Scrutinizing my Character?

[Edith]

Time and again people talk about attitudes, manners they don't like. They scrutinize the character personality fine faults and sometime call these attitude deal breakers. Because of these they avoid certain people and would not get in to relationships or be seen with some.

While I think of deal breakers and relationship failures that I easily blame my ex partner for, I can't help but wonder if some how somewhere I caused it (no hurts or left over feelings)
So I want to put up this annoying thread where we talk about ourselves (taking the spec from our eyes) like good Christian men and women we are. so
- what are some attitudes we may have had that spoilt our past relationships?
- what did we learn about ourselves during our past relationships that we would not repeat in another relationship?
- what are some spoilt attitudes you know you have but have difficulties letting go even when You know this may be someone's deal breaker?

As for me I am petty and always try fixing things and people. I have forgotten the word @seoulsearch used for this but it does spoil relationships. sometimes it needs no fixing, just some quiet time will do. I learned this the hard way. However I may stop fixing at all cost but stop being petty is difficult because I can only be petty with those I love, if I have no business with you, I don't stress to speak or make known my opinion except necessary.

Now your turn tell us something juicy.

 

[Elizabeth35]

This is a good idea, Edith. It's always wise to take a look at ourselves and see where we need to rise higher.

I've had a lot of "situation-ships" (i.e. the talking stage where you're more than friends but not technically dating), but I don't have a ton of experience in the serious relationship department.

I struggle to trust both others and myself; I'd get really anxious then I would end things early on and run away. This is probably why I've had situation-ships rather than serious relationships. I started recognizing this pattern in myself and I've been working hard to end it. Unfortunately now I've taken it too far to the other side of the spectrum and I ended up staying with someone longer than I should have and he turned out to be very manipulative and controlling. My instincts saw this early on but I didn't trust myself so I stayed.
So I'd say trust is my biggest issue, and that's definitely a problem because every healthy relationship requires that.

I think I may be too distant as well. I don't want to bother him or be clingy so I rarely am the first one to text or call, and I don't send selfies (apparently that's what people do???). I wonder if it makes it seem like I'm not interested, even if I really am?

Physically, I've always struggled with my skin and that could be a man's deal breaker if he's only attracted to near perfect complexions. But there's only so much I can do about my genes lol.

 

[Lynx]

wots a relationship?

 

[seoulsearch]

Time and again people talk about attitudes, manners they don't like. They scrutinize the character personality fine faults and sometime call these attitude deal breakers. Because of these they avoid certain people and would not get in to relationships or be seen with some.

While I think of deal breakers and relationship failures that I easily blame my ex partner for, I can't help but wonder if some how somewhere I caused it (no hurts or left over feelings)
So I want to put up this annoying thread where we talk about ourselves (taking the spec from our eyes) like good Christian men and women we are. so
- what are some attitudes we may have had that spoilt our past relationships?
- what did we learn about ourselves during our past relationships that we would not repeat in another relationship?
- what are some spoilt attitudes you know you have but have difficulties letting go even when You know this may be someone's deal breaker?

As for me I am petty and always try fixing things and people. I have forgotten the word @seoulsearch used for this but it does spoil relationships. sometimes it needs no fixing, just some quiet time will do. I learned this the hard way. However I may stop fixing at all cost but stop being petty is difficult because I can only be petty with those I love, if I have no business with you, I don't stress to speak or make known my opinion except necessary.

Now your turn tell us something juicy.

Hi Edith!

Great thread idea. The older I get, the more painful I find it to realize that hindsight really is 20/20. I can look back at so many situations now and always wish I'd handled them differently, but at that time I either didn't realize there as a better way or was too caught up in the moment to be reasonable.

There are things I did back then, ways in which I'd react, that came automatically, and I didn't know why. Now I have a better idea as to why. I often wonder now, if I had the chance, if it would have changed anything if I could have said, "Time out! I need some time to process this!" before responding (rather than just reacting.)

I've also realized that some situations drain my energy very quickly and it takes me a while -- and usually a bit of isolation -- to bounce back. I always wonder if anything I've learned would help me be a better significant other now.

When I was younger, I was someone who was just always in situations where I was always with someone and never alone; now I'm almost always alone and rarely around someone (in social settings.) It felt like silent death for many years; now I often wonder if I've gotten too used to it.

The good thing is that the isolation helps me store up energy like a solar panel. I can exert all my energy and resources to a friend or loved one around me who needs it the most in that moment -- but once everything I have is used up, I have to retreat -- and it takes me quite a while to work up to that level again. And I seem to be built for these extremes.

I think about what things would be like in a domestic situation, where I'd have to constantly try to ration out my energy -- and I'm not sure how well I could do with that. I've tried for years to try to operate at a more even pace, but I always fall into the same patterns.

Sometimes I like being hidden, dwelling in my own version of a Fortress of Solitude, where only a few know the real me.

 

[Lynx]

That fortress was Superman's, not Supergirl's.

And could you vacuum the crystal floor before you leave? Apparently Krypto is Supergirl's dog now, that Superman was just dog-sitting for her. And the dog sheds.

 

[tourist]

wots a relationship?

Good question. Not providing any answers though. Relationships tend to be complicated at times and requires constant work. In the case of husbands, often requires remedial training as well.

 

[tourist]

That fortress was Superman's, not Supergirl's.

And could you vacuum the crystal floor before you leave? Apparently Krypto is Supergirl's dog now, that Superman was just dog-sitting for her. And the dog sheds.

He crapped all over the Fortress of Solitude too. Hope the little guy has his shots. Probably has sharp teeth though.

 

[Lynx]

He's not even fortress trained? Ugh!

 

[tourist]

Sometimes I like being hidden, dwelling in my own version of a Fortress of Solitude, where only a few know the real me.

Sounds like a lonely place to be. I feel the same way.

Some days I just feel drained and can't deal with any drama. Don't have the energy to deal with any complications that may arise.

My Fortress of Solitude is sitting on my chair on the porch watching the birds and squirrels eating the food that I provide. Another place of solitude for me is under my blanket. Just shut out the world for a bit while my batteries recharge.

 

[tourist]

He's not even fortress trained? Ugh!

He took a dump on Superman's cape once. Daddy wasn't happy about that for sure.

 

[Edith]

This is a good idea, Edith. It's always wise to take a look at ourselves and see where we need to rise higher.

I've had a lot of "situation-ships" (i.e. the talking stage where you're more than friends but not technically dating), but I don't have a ton of experience in the serious relationship department.

I struggle to trust both others and myself; I'd get really anxious then I would end things early on and run away. This is probably why I've had situation-ships rather than serious relationships. I started recognizing this pattern in myself and I've been working hard to end it. Unfortunately now I've taken it too far to the other side of the spectrum and I ended up staying with someone longer than I should have and he turned out to be very manipulative and controlling. My instincts saw this early on but I didn't trust myself so I stayed.
So I'd say trust is my biggest issue, and that's definitely a problem because every healthy relationship requires that.

I think I may be too distant as well. I don't want to bother him or be clingy so I rarely am the first one to text or call, and I don't send selfies (apparently that's what people do???). I wonder if it makes it seem like I'm not interested, even if I really am?

Physically, I've always struggled with my skin and that could be a man's deal breaker if he's only attracted to near perfect complexions. But there's only so much I can do about my genes lol.

oh Dear Lizzy I used to struggle with trust too and it's overwhelming. I think I even expressed my grievances and fear of getting in to a relationship because of that.
but now I just trust Jesus to protect my heart and I am very open to start something with who ever God brings my way.
For your complexion darling don't let anyone try to mock at that beautiful gift from our Beautiful God wear it with Grace dear

 

[Elizabeth35]

oh Dear Lizzy I used to struggle with trust too and it's overwhelming. I think I even expressed my grievances and fear of getting in to a relationship because of that.
but now I just trust Jesus to protect my heart and I am very open to start something with who ever God brings my way.
For your complexion darling don't let anyone try to mock at that beautiful gift from our Beautiful God wear it with Grace dear

Thank you Edith, you're a sweetheart.

 

[Edith]

Oh Seoul Dear
The Issue of sharing space, time, energy can seem overwhelming and if there are children it increases potential energy given out however when I think of the cuddles and kisses and the share pain, joy and above all having your own prayer and word study team with whom to go through this life. I can't help but want it.
How do I now get out of the fears and embrace this? The Christ my only hope

 

[Edith]

oh Dear Lizzy I used to struggle with trust too and it's overwhelming. I think I even expressed my grievances and fear of getting in to a relationship because of that.
but now I just trust Jesus to protect my heart and I am very open to start something with who ever God brings my way.
For your complexion darling don't let anyone try to mock at that beautiful gift from our Beautiful God wear it with Grace dear

Hi Edith!

Great thread idea. The older I get, the more painful I find it to realize that hindsight really is 20/20. I can look back at so many situations now and always wish I'd handled them differently, but at that time I either didn't realize there as a better way or was too caught up in the moment to be reasonable.

There are things I did back then, ways in which I'd react, that came automatically, and I didn't know why. Now I have a better idea as to why. I often wonder now, if I had the chance, if it would have changed anything if I could have said, "Time out! I need some time to process this!" before responding (rather than just reacting.)

I've also realized that some situations drain my energy very quickly and it takes me a while -- and usually a bit of isolation -- to bounce back. I always wonder if anything I've learned would help me be a better significant other now.

When I was younger, I was someone who was just always in situations where I was always with someone and never alone; now I'm almost always alone and rarely around someone (in social settings.) It felt like silent death for many years; now I often wonder if I've gotten too used to it.

The good thing is that the isolation helps me store up energy like a solar panel. I can exert all my energy and resources to a friend or loved one around me who needs it the most in that moment -- but once everything I have is used up, I have to retreat -- and it takes me quite a while to work up to that level again. And I seem to be built for these extremes.

I think about what things would be like in a domestic situation, where I'd have to constantly try to ration out my energy -- and I'm not sure how well I could do with that. I've tried for years to try to operate at a more even pace, but I always fall into the same patterns.

Sometimes I like being hidden, dwelling in my own version of a Fortress of Solitude, where only a few know the real me.

Oh Seoul Dear
The Issue of sharing space, time, energy can seem overwhelming and if there are children it increases potential energy given out however when I think of the cuddles and kisses and the share pain, joy and above all having your own prayer and word study team with whom to go through this life. I can't help but want it.
How do I now get out of the fears and embrace this? The Christ my only hope

 

[Edith]

Dear Lynx do you know you have all the caprices of a cat. I will answer like a good Bantu woman. A relationship is when I am responsible for you and you are responsible for me. I a way we are all in a relationship in this group. However in this case I was just talking of two people in love.

 

[Edith]

Sounds like a lonely place to be. I feel the same way.

Some days I just feel drained and can't deal with any drama. Don't have the energy to deal with any complications that may arise.

My Fortress of Solitude is sitting on my chair on the porch watching the birds and squirrels eating the food that I provide. Another place of solitude for me is under my blanket. Just shut out the world for a bit while my batteries recharge.

yeah that's sound good